godfry n. glad

Hi...

A friend and I have noticed that the United States government is now giving money to "faith-based organizations" to do public service kinds of services. We want to know how we can get in on this. Cost-overruns on government grants are notoriously profitable, from what we've heard. We hear opportunity knocking.

We figure that starting our own religion is the best way to go. So far, we've come up with a really great slogan and, maybe, a pretty good name, but still have a long way to go. What do you all think of "We believe in Bubpkis" as a slogan. Great, huh? And.... The Center of Bubpkis, where nothing is sacred. Possibilities?

Hmmm... Maybe... If we want to focus on the faith part (for faith-based funding, y'know), maybe we should go with "We have faith in Bubpkis"?

We welcome input on additional fluff and folderall that will help us project that "worthy non-prophet organization" image. We kinda wonder whether we need to have saints, or designate cardinals or bishops. I'm pushing for being rufus-sided towhee, myself.

What we reeeeally need to know is where we go from here to get to proper non-prophet standing with the U.S. government and where we get the forms for the money.

Can anybody help?

godfry n. glad

godfry n. glad

Hmm... I don't like those capitals. How 'bout:

center of bubpkis: where nothing is sacred

Yeah. Mo' betta...


And, we were thinkin' maybe a hierarchy... Like zed, zilch, nada, zip, null, squat, nuttin', ...clear up to zero (which, of course, suggests the first saint of bubpkis: Zero Mostel).

'Course, if we go that way, my wantin' to be a rufus-sided towhee doesn't fit in anywhere....damn.

godfry n. glad

Minimus Parvissimus

Hi All,

I'm the friend mentioned above who is working with Godfry to put together an organization that will qualify for some faith based money.

As Godfry mentioned, we have a long way to go in putting together the complete religion, with the dogma, and the rituals, and outfits, and we welcome any suggestions about how it should go.

Do we need a temple? If we build one, Godfry and I had thought that we could have something classy over the door, like "Significantly different from all other religions in that we're right".

And we haven't even begun to hammer out the proper way to handle things like selling indulgences (which sounds like a great idea). We didn't quite realize what we were getting into with starting a new religion, but we figure if L Ron Hubbard could do it, so could we.

Thanks for your help and suggestions.

Minimus Parvissimus

Toto

You're probably a bit late to be getting on the gravy train. The Office of the Faith Based Initiative has already been putting on traveling shows about how to fill out the paperwork and get around any pesky regulations that Congress might impose to keep church and state separate.

Based on the initiatives that have been most prominent, I think you need a few key elements: 1) a charismatic black female motivational-speaker who has a history of drug abuse and personal disfunctionality, who has been turned into a good middle class consumer through your faith 2) some connection to voting blocks who usually vote Democratic but might be "persuaded" to support Bush in his reelection campaign 3) a program involving support groups (good for getting voters together) of "recovering" drug / alcohol / sex addicts. (You've probably got a lot of friends who could fit one or more of those categories.)

Your actual theology is rather unimportant. I would suggest making it fairly mystical and opaque. Maybe even say it's not available for outsiders. I'd go for fashionable temple robes, myself. And hats.

Defiant Heretic

And nothing else.