Oxidizing Material

The Baptists <a href="http://www.baptistboard.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=10;t=001625" target="_blank"> need help</a> assaulting family members of the Mormon persuasion. Various tips range from not letting them in the house, picking apart their faith (y'know, like with, Truth (tm) and stuff. We don't need no stinkin' logic!) and full blown assaults with careful planning and strategery.

Now, we now I can't let this one go (I'm so very, very sorry).

There's some baptists pulling a job and I wasn't even invited as cheif strategist. I find this highly unfair, so I've devised my own plans based on the intel baptists have provided and quick surveilence. I wish I could post them at their board so they could at least be considered, since I think mine are the most tactical and thourough of the bunch. Hrmph.

Intel:

We establish that the "mormoms" [sic] as heavily armed, wearing level II LALALALALANOTLISTENING vests and two are escorting helpless Christians to the bathroom one at a time. We've also established they're working on a channel 13 radio contact via headsets, and are checking in with one another. If you're to pull off a saving, you're going to have to be precise and very fast with it. Also, we've heard that a few are armed with Dragunov sniping system, the shooters somewhere of about 35 years old. These are their "pros" and are used as backup in case their main assault on the poor helpless Christians fails.

Surveillance:

We've caught the main leaders via the GodCam trackers the Christians installed a few weeks earlier in case any Pagans needed to use their can again. There's two males on the main stage, and they're guarding a treasure trove of anti-Christian knowledge. DON'T BE FOOLED, because they are false. However, if they learn you're witnessing to them, they won't be afraid to detonate the Religion "Logic" contained within. You'll be under serious fire then, and you may only be able to win the fight through circular logic. Remember, that's only to be used as a last resort device.

This is the approximate location of the Mormon leaders:


<a href="http://www.geocities.com/alphabravodeltacharlie/terror1.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.geocities.com/alphabravodeltacharlie/terror1.jpg</a>

The one on the right is escorting the Christians to the washroom to cleanse them of their brainwashing and prep them for slightly different brainwashing. If you're going to get them, get them all at once.

We've also got shots of their "pro" backup:


<a href="http://www.geocities.com/alphabravodeltacharlie/terror2.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.geocities.com/alphabravodeltacharlie/terror2.jpg</a>

They're on the balconies overlooking the leaders, so you'll have to dispose of them silently and quickly, lest you be picked off with a counter logic shot or disinformation rounds.


Equipment:

Red and Green teams are your main assault force. They're armed with prayers. Keep in mind, these are FMJ 7.56x50 prayers, guaranteed to split right through Level III ICANTHEARYOU vests. If you need to go recon, Red and Green will be equipped with 9mm semi auto bible verses. Red is firing Leveticus rounds, Green has Mark, Luke, Matt and John exploding rounds. Blue team is your standby assault, and is similarily armed.

Gold team is your sniper for taking these Mormon bastards down once and for all. Gold will carry a PSG-1 modded 15 box sniper's counter attacks. Yes, I know we've all heard the attacks before, but trust us, if they're fired off enough times, eventually they'll start penetrating. Gold also has a 9mm semi auto silenced bible verse, from the book of Exodus.


Planning:

Okay:


<a href="http://www.geocities.com/alphabravodeltacharlie/terror3.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.geocities.com/alphabravodeltacharlie/terror3.jpg</a>

Green team makes entry into Mormon stronghold and moves for the main attack lobby. Go code "Alpha", use a bang to blind them in incomprehesible drivel. Red will flank from the left and defend any Mormons that manage to close their eyes to the TRUTH (tm).



<a href="http://www.geocities.com/alphabravodeltacharlie/terror4.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.geocities.com/alphabravodeltacharlie/terror4.jpg</a>

Gold team will move in on go code "Bravo" after Red and Green clear the area of any attacks on your faith. Move quickly to the upper balcony and take out the "pros" before they have a chance to alert the Mormon leaders to your intent or worse, fire Mormonisms all over you. They flank the upper area, so take both out within 2 seconds, no less. Move into the upper left balcony and snipe at the leaders before they get a chance to dispence with the Mormon all over the poor Christians.



<a href="http://www.geocities.com/alphabravodeltacharlie/terror5.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.geocities.com/alphabravodeltacharlie/terror5.jpg</a>

Finally, Blue team will come in on go code "Charlie" to mop up any loose ends and Mormon religion laying around. Once you get to the Mormon logic stronghold that should be being guarded by any surviving Mormons that heard the shots, defend the area by placing a Christian Blanket over it so everything that comes out will be interpreted by Blue team as a Christian tenant instead of a Mormon one and drive the surviors mad. Once that's taken care of, toss a Bible Bomb into the corner off stage to finish everything off. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE DEFINITIONS STRAIGHT BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE!: Only set the Bible bomb to John 3:16, or else you'll never make it out alive.


Notes:

Mormons can be quite nice. Don't be fooled: They have an evil agenda, just like the homosexuals, ACLU, feminists, jews, blacks, Russians, Chinese, hippies, women, that squirrel I saw in the park that stole my hat, and everyone who isn't an American white Baptist male.

The Lord holds you accountable for the way you treat him. Destroy the Mormon's faith before they can yours, and you'll be in heaven sucking up to Him faster than you could ever imagine.

Jesus saves! with double coupons.

Good luck.


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[ August 30, 2002: Message edited by: Oxidizing Material ]</p>

RufusAtticus

Stupid squirrel.

Sic'em, <a href="http://webpages.charter.net/rufusatticus/terror_cow.jpg" target="_blank">Bettsy</a>.

rebelnerd

<img src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" border="0" alt="[Not Worthy]" />

Filo

sighhswolf

OM,

Looks like a good plan however there is one very
important fact that you have overlooked.
The elite commando's have upgraded their equipment.
They have been issued Kevlar and teflon coated underware, so it matters not how much crap is slung at them from the opposition, nothing sticks.
It has been recently reported from field operations that the troops have now started using
the supernatural powers of their priesthood to
blind the hapless victims to all forms of rationality reasoning and truth.
These "powers" appear to be issued through the
supreme commander and it has been reported that
this Kabballistic form of weaponry has the
capability of mesmerizing their victims making it
impossible for the effected person to resist the
indoctrination.
A weapon more powerful than biological or chemical agents.
This weapon is delievered through the "voice" much the same as Maud'Dib in the gospels of "Dune", and as described by the prophet.
Thus it is imperative that the baptist troops refrain from looking directly into the faces of the mormon assualt teams.
Wolf

bonduca

Doesn't the Teflon underwear also discourage masturbation?

Vibr8gKiwi

It's cotton, and no, not really. It does discourage actual sex though as you can imagine you can't wear revealing clothes, and certainly don't want to be seen in your undies.

The guilt and regular interviews with your bishop who asks you personal questions to your face discourage masturbation (or encourage lying depending on your point of view).

Starboy

Where can I get that game. I would like to gib a few theists.

sighhswolf

Hummm,
Interesting question.
I would have to say that in some cases it actually can be the cause of increased masturbation.
Especially after you have fought with a good (albeit slightly misguided) mormon wife for years to get past those temple garments to get some....
with very little success......

Wolf