Proxima Centauri

Sometimes the truth can do harm. Then it is kinder to say nothing or to tell a lie. I agree with HelenM.
Personal details have not been revealed to people who know your name or your wife's name. No harm has been done.
If you tell your wife about your internet palls you probably have to stop posting here. Then you will be truely isolated without support while your wife has all the support from her Christian fellowship.
At last your marriage is getting better. At last your children are more secure and more likely to grow up with dad at home. Don't wreck this now.
You need not confess to your wife everything you do which she may not like. That way you make it easier for her to be a control freek. That applies to other areas as well as religion. You have a right to keep some parts of your life private.

Your wife's dream needs some scientific interpretation. Dreams show something about our state of mind though they are less important than psychoanalists used to think.
Your wife minds that you are an atheist. She has never played psychological games which involve gettting herself an atheist husband. It just happened that you have too much respect for the scientific method and eventually saw that religion makes no sense.
First she spent two months talking about divorce. Then she saw you talking to another woman and apparently dedcided that she didn't want you to be a divorcee free to do that. Perhaps she was bluffing all along. She realized that she was endangering her marriage and has, since then been trying hard to be a better wife.
Concerns about your atheism now come out in her dreams. Do not keep reminding her unecessarily about it. Do not put her under pressure to see the lack of logic in Christianity for the moment.
Concentrate on showing her that you are the same caring, responisble man that you always were. Show this the way you behave, not by talking about atheism. If she feels feels a need to release tension by talking about your atheism allow this, provided she is polite and doesn't argue.

Vicar Philip

Man, I've tried, and tried, and tried, and tried.

Tonight I read about the second claim of the Raelians for their supposed clone, and made the mistake of bringing it up. I told her I thought cloning humans to be organ factories was wrong. She jumped all over that.

My point was supposed to be that if they could clone specific body parts, say kidneys or livers, that kind of thing, fine. But she siezes the moment and tells me I shouldn't think that way because it's all in the name of science!! I objected, that I don't think all scientists think that way. Somehow, since I believe in evolution and the scientific method, that also makes me evil. Didn't I know that anyone who believes in evolution doesn't believe in god? she said.

In the middle of her bashing science, I asked if it was evil to drive cars and have a refrigerator; after all, we obtained those through the use of science. She told me the person who invented the fridge was probably a Christian, because back then most people WERE Christians!! Yeah right!!!

She had to go to work, but I was so pissed off I was shaking. Then she tops it off by taking off the ring I had purchased her for CHRISTmas and handing it to me. At the end of our argument, she had brought up that anyone not believing in god is bad, so I asked her how I was bad. Again, she brings up that I told my oldest son about my belief, essentially lying to her.

She always seems to pull that out as the trump card. So I brought up something she had done in the past (childish I know, but I was PISSED), triggering the ring deal. Finally, she had to leave for work, and wanted a kiss goodbye. I told her not until she put the ring back on. 10 minutes of this, and she finally agreed to put it back on. We hugged, and kissed, both crying.

I absolutely hate this shit. She had made the statement earlier that she bet that I wished I hadn't changed my mind about god.

WRONG!!! F&*K GOD!! YOU TOO, JESUS!!

COME AND GET ME!!


Aaaaah, sorry..... I feel better now.

seebs

My vague recollection is that "church membership" is actually up, but...

Man, your wife sounds like she has some issues about science. Do you think it would help for her to talk to a real live Christian who thinks evolution is perfectly reasonable, and likes science, and has serious concerns about growing complete human bodies for use as organ banks? If so, feel free to get her in touch with me. I'm easy to reach.

Vicar Philip

I appreciate the offer, Seebs.

However, any gestures I make towards showing her she is wrong are immediately discounted as evil atheism rearing its ugly head once again.

If only I were still a Christian, <sob>, the world would be perfect again, <sob>, and my soul wouldn't belong to Satan <sob> <sob> <sob>.

If I thought it would do any good I'd fly her to wherever you live and let you explain it to her. But it ain't gonna matter.

Thanks for the thought!!

pissed off Vicar

captainpabst

I feel for you VP. It's difficult if not impossible to reason with an emotionally charged person. It sounds as though your wife is acting a bit immaturely...I suppose because this is an issue she just doesn't have a good way to cope with.

For what it's worth, I'd like to recommend a book or two by Bishop John Spong: A New Christianity for a New World: Why Traditional Faith Is Dying and How a New Faith Is Being Born , Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism , and Why Christianity Must Change or Die. If your wife would read one or more of these books it might soften her position. But even if only you read them, you may come away with some new perspectives on how to deal most delicately with Christians and their fragile belief structure.

HelenM

I hope you feel better this morning too...I'm sorry last night was a difficult one.

Your wife seems to be quite an all-or-nothing sort of person. Especially when she's upset. I find them quite hard to deal with

take care
Helen

Infinity Lover

It seems the way the both of you deal with this situation is still undergoing a straining process of trial and error.

I can only hope, that once the smoke clears up, the both of you are going to share the conclusion, that you're going to have to agree to disagree on several issues. And realize, that though perspectives differ, they're ultimately perspectives on the same things... those things that matter most.

That you both want to be happy and loved, and that you both love your kids and want them to grow up to be happy, wellrounded individuals.

I'm sure you'll keep us posted; I wish you the best of luck, and all the strenght and wisdom in the world.

Vicar Philip

You two (Helen and IL) are exactly right on both counts. My wife is an "all-or-nothing" type, and we also need to agree to disagree. However, she doesn't see it that way.

I got some information about the scientific community's opinion on cloning from our very own illustrious pz, whom I regard highly. I then did a little surfing and found the Academy of Sciences support for the ban on cloning dated last year. I sent my wife a link to that site, and that seemed to defuse the situation somewhat.

I don't get her. The other day a commercial came on showing a woman with the same symptoms my wife seems to exhibit, and it was about bi-polar disorder. My wife took note and said, "Sounds like me!" So I don't know what to do. She seems to acknowledge she has a problem, so I guess I need to encourage her to seek help. The marriage counseling would probably be a good first step.

Viti

Bi-Polar can be very serious and actually can cause the kind of "hyperreligiousness" your wife is exhibiting. If she saw herself in the commercial, perhaps you could gently nudge her to see her phycisian? Counseling is a good idea, but if she has a disorder, meds could save your marriage and both of your sanity.

Jewel

Vicar,

I've come into this thread late -- I just read all 12 pages of this thread. Damn, you are one patient man! I hope your wife realizes she's lucky to have someone as carring and patient as you.

Strange, I was under the impression that Methodists were more liberal. The man that married my husband and I is a Methodist minister (he's a friend of my husband's family). At our request he kept the god talk out of the ceramony. He never had a problem with our being atheists. He was far more concerned about our commitment to one another.

I would expect the kind of behaviour your wife is exhibiting from, say, Southern Baptists, but.... oh well, I guess every denomination has people that go too far.

I'm glad she recognises her symptoms [on some level] as being bi-polar. Do encourage her to see a doctor. She may have a chemical imbalance that the proper medication could help, thus allowing her to lead a healthier existance. Plus maybe it would make it easier for the two of you to mend your marriage.

I do hope things get better for you. No one deserves to be treated with such disrespect over religion (or lack there of).


-Jewel