Godless Dave

Another warning sign.

Jamie_L

Really, cheating is only cheating because there is a violation of trust and understood commitment. It's not sleeping with mulitple people that's bad. It's sleeping with someone when another person understands that you have committed to not do that. So, the degree of "adultery" is dependent on the degree of the comittment. Living together tends to imply a stronger commitment than just dating. Marriage an even stronger commitment. Unless the parties involved agree that other partners are OK.

As guilty? No. Of course not. The 3rd party doesn't have the comitment. However, the 3rd party is aware of the harm that will be caused, and consents to be a part of that harm. So there is some culpability.

Jamie

Oolon Colluphid

Surely it is substantially up to her? She is the one that would be doing the leaving. If she wants to, then good luck to you both. If she doesn’t, or won’t, or fannies around in constant indecision, then you are safer being out of it. But it is she who has to decide.

All you need to do is ‘be there for her’... but not indefinitely. If she wants you, the decision will not be that hard; if she can’t decide, then she doesn’t want you enough, and you are better off not getting any more emotionally involved than you can help.

Note too that a year and a half isn’t really very long at all. One would expect them to still be in the throes of lovey-cuddly romance. So if she’s willing to look around to the extent you say, then things are not right in their relationship. So you are doing nothing immoral.

Cheers, DT

Oolon Colluphid

Maybe, maybe not. As someone said, money doesn't buy happiness, it just lets you be unhappy in greater comfort. The real warning might be if dshimel makes loads more than the other bloke. Since the other bloke (also?) makes pile, it is less likely to be a factor. And if dshimel makes significantly less, then her reasons are not going to be money. If money is a good enough reason for her to stay, then she's not for him anyway.

Cheers, DT

Carrie

They are not married or engaged, therefore they have not made a lifelong commitment to each other. And obviously not if she likes you in that way. So since they haven't settled on being together forever, you are free to step in. She can choose to go with you or not. And even if she's still with her boyfriend, she may want to decide how much she really likes you before she gives up the comfortable relationship she's been in for a while.
But if she really likes you, she'll leave him before too long, and if she doesn't, then you tell her she needs to leave him or you're moving on. Basically, in my oppinion, it's okay to pursue someone who is not married or engaged, but not okay to pursue someone who is.

Godless Dave

DT, I was referring to his statement that she "needs" a man's money for her lifestyle. She can't support herself on her income? Why not? To me those are legitimate questions to ask.

cjack

Hold on a second...

You said "if someone cheats on you, move on to someone else..."
and then implied that you:

1. Have no problem if your wife cheats on you,

and

2. You are cheating on her now.


Is this the case? If so, why are you married...after all, isn't that so "19th century?"


Or are you kidding?

Oolon Colluphid

Ah, I see, sorry for the confusion.

Cheers, DT

Jamie_L

Before things get out of hand:

There is a difference between sexual activity outside of a steady relationship and "cheating".

"Cheating" is having additional partners when you and your primary partner have agreed not to do so.

Let's not confuse the two. Having multiple partners is really amoral. Morality only enters into the situation when there are implicit or explicit agreements about multiple partners. Then honoring commitments and honesty become the keys to whether the activity is moral or immoral.

For instance, if the current BF in the OP told the woman she could sleep with other guys, this would not be a moral dilemma at all.

Jamie

dangin

I'm not cheating, I am helping someone else conceive.

As to moving on if someone cheats and it bothers you, move on. Really, I suggest moving on whenever a relationship ends. That may seem like a no brainer, but I just can't stomach the wishy washy, I'm so sad sob stories of people having relationships end. The best part of all relationships is the beginning. When a shitty one ends, all you have to do is look forward to the next one.

I can't abide stalkers, or whiners. "Life is pain princess, anyone telling you different is selling you something" Actually, I don't consider breaking up to be all that painful. It's a necessary hardship that leads to something better.

Jealousy, anger, self questioning, guilt. . .all a waste of time.