Oxidizing Material

I've got my religion exam review here and it's actually kind of appalling. Here are a few questions:

D. Application: (Using only facts)


9) Jesus is our primary model for attitudes and behaviour. Give four (4) examples from the gospels that demonstrate the model that Jesus is for you. How can you make these attitudes and such a bigger part of your life?

8) Why do we pray to Jesus?

11) Compose a prayer for those with AIDS and their families.

C. Short Answer:

10) What is prayer and why do we pray? What does prayer do for us?

11) How does the media influence you in a negative way? In a positve way?


E. Personal Reflection

4) How are Catholics not Christians?

6) How has this course improved your relationship with God, others and the Earth?

--------------

And such forth. Note I go to a Christian school. Do any of the IIs have some smartass answers I could fill in the blanks with? I made a few of my own, IE,

Prayer is when one starts talking to themselves enough so that they convince themselves that there's an invisible guy in a cloud who cares where I put my dick. We pray because the asbesdoes in the ceiling makes everyone delusional every now and then, and prayer does dick all.

The media influences me negatively by showing me all these happy nuclear families who are all Catholic/Christian, white, and have exactly 2.3 children, in short, filling my head with lies. Everyone's so happy, and it's sickening. It makes me want to commit vehicular homicide. However, in a postive way, the media tells me that god is a lie and that I should be gay and to kill all my classmates because they made fun of me.


The stick up their ass is thinner. Plus they have a .0036% more chance of getting laid, making a Roman Catholic's chance a whopping .0000152%.

I now only damn people to the infinate underworld thrice a week, and pray to Hecate twice as much. Oh, and I say a prayer that my piss won't be too acidic as to kill the fish in the river I take a leak in.

Dear God,

You say that people who have AIDS are going to hell and are probably homosexual, in which case they deserve it, the filthy deviants. You don't see ME sticking it to children and engaging in watersports and all that other filthy homosexual stuff because I'm a good Christian. Wait, no I'm not. What I a meant to say was, God, if you exist, then wipe out AIDS if you truely are a "loving" being. Otherwise, you're the true Prince of Darkness.


Eh? Eh? Probably not what I'm going to write on the exam, but fun to get it out, anyway.

[ June 15, 2002: Message edited by: Oxidizing Material ]</p>

Mageth

Note I go to a Christian school.

That was pretty obvious - and not a Catholic School, either.

D. Application: (Using only facts)
...
9) Jesus is our primary model for attitudes and behaviour.

Is that a fact? For xian behavior, I'd give the nod to Paul

Give four (4) examples from the gospels that demonstrate the model that Jesus is for you.

You could pick examples such as him hanging out with undesirables, turning water into wine, whipping people in the temple, and disobeying Jewish religous laws.

Instead of going for smartass answers, I'd recommend answers that challenge the truthfulness of the expected answers. For example, for "why do we pray?" you might do a little research to show that there's been no studies performed that strongly correlate prayer to any real-world results. (and none that indicate a supernatural cause for any real or perceived results of prayer). Along the lines of "Prayer may help some people feel better, but for psychological reasons. Meditation and placebo drugs, for example, have been shown to be just as effective. there's no evidence of any supernatural, miraculous results of prayer."

[ June 15, 2002: Message edited by: Mageth ]</p>

Mecha_Dude

Catholics not christians? Try telling that to a catholic, they'll go all out incoherant on yo ass! (Just like Amos!)

Bill Snedden

Matthew 19:29. Become a deadbeat dad for Jesus.

Luke 14:26. I already don't like my family. Now I can hate them and still get in good with god!

Mark 9:1. I already have a tendency towards procrastination and tardiness. See, Jesus and I have something in common!

John 3:36. Demonizing one's opponents is a quick and easy way to win an argument!

Actually, upon reflection, I'll just choose Matthew 22:39: Love your neighbor as yourself.

Beats the hell outta me. Maybe 'cause he seems a lot easier to talk to than his dad?

Dear God. Please remove the scourge of AIDS from the earth and cure all those afflicted with it. In Jesus' name, Amen.

P.S. How about really taking care of this one instead of sticking to the occasional almost-fatal car wreck, lottery winners, and high-school football games? Oh, and how about world peace while you're at it?

Prayer is a way of talking to God. We talk to him because no matter how much he seems to ignore us, we still hope that he's there.

In my experience, not a hell of a lot. Although it does often help us to calm down and think about how we're going to have to solve our own problems because god never seems to get around to it.

Unless I choose to investigate issues myself and seek out diverse sources to ensure that I'll get a more rounded picture, the media can have the same type of positive/negative influences as reliance on the bible to solve human problems.

In no way whatsoever are Catholics not Christians.

Not having taken the course, I really can't answer, but I can say that I can't imagine having a relationship with the Earth, it being an inanimate hunk of matter and all.

Good Luck!

Regards,

Bill Snedden

[ June 15, 2002: Message edited by: Bill Snedden ]</p>

enemigo

9) Jesus is our primary model for attitudes and behaviour. Give four (4) examples from the gospels that demonstrate the model that Jesus is for you. How can you make these attitudes and such a bigger part of your life?

Mageth has some good answers for this question. I would add that you should be sure to remind them how Jesus said not to pray in public.


8) Why do we pray to Jesus?

Say you were absent the day that they covered this in class, and when you asked to copy the notes of (enter a classmate's name here), that person's notes said that you should be praying to Satan, not Jesus. Then accuse the teacher of asking a trick question.


10) What is prayer and why do we pray? What does prayer do for us?

Prayer is when we ask our imaginary friend to act on our behalf. We do this because we've been indoctrinated to believe that our imaginary friend is real.


11) How does the media influence you in a negative way? In a positve way?

Tell your teacher that the only media you watch or read is pornography, and it has only been a positive influence in your life.


4) How are Catholics not Christians?

Now, here I would suggest saying that Catholics are the only True Christians™. Tell your teacher that all of the others are making Jesus angry with their heretical beliefs and if they don't convert to Catholicism they will burn, eternally, in Hell.


6) How has this course improved your relationship with God, others and the Earth?

Obviously you should tell your teacher that this course caused you to lose your faith in God and all of mankind. Then scold him/her for doing this to you.


richard

Automaton

Use some of the examples of Jesus being a less-than-moral character.
Because we have been indoctrinated to believe such nonsense is an adequate way to influence the physical or spiritual world. Even though it doesn't work beyond to scope of pure chance, we still do it because we are emotionally fixated on having an imaginary friend to talk to.
God, please remove this plague you have mercifully and kindly unleashed upon us worthless, evil sinners. Thank you for our suffering. Amen.
Prayer is just talking to someone who isn't there. Such a thing, that if we are afflicted with it as a child, they say it is simply "a phase" and we'll "grow out of it." Obviously the majority of us have not. We pray for the same reason children write letters to Santa.
Not a thing.
It does neither. I have the ability to view and evaluate things objectively, which most of you fail to do miserably.
They are not Christians in the same way oranges are not fruits.
I don't have relationships with fictional beings, nor inanimate objects. But it has opened my eyes to some of the more subtle stupidities of the fundamentalist Christian cult.

himynameisPwn

<img src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" border="0" alt="[Not Worthy]" /> Greatest..... response..... EVER..... <img src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" border="0" alt="[Not Worthy]" />

himynameisPwn

Oxidizing,

Christian \Chris"tian\, n. [L. christianus, Gr. ?; cf. AS.
cristen. See Christ.]
1. One who believes, or professes or is assumed to believe,
in Jesus Christ, and the truth as taught by Him;
especially, one whose inward and outward life is conformed
to the doctrines of Christ.

The disciples were called Christians first in
Antioch. --Acts xi. 26.

2. One born in a Christian country or of Christian parents,
and who has not definitely becomes an adherent of an
opposing system.

3. (Eccl.)
(a) One of a Christian denomination which rejects human
creeds as bases of fellowship, and sectarian names.
They are congregational in church government, and
baptize by immersion. They are also called Disciples
of Christ, and Campbellites.
(b) One of a sect (called Christian Connection) of
open-communion immersionists. The Bible is their only
authoritative rule of faith and practice.

Note: In this sense, often pronounced, but not by the members
of the sects, kr[=i]s"chan.


Catholics are christians in every way. i think you should tell your teacher that if he wants a dispute, hes gonna have to take it up with webster.

By the way, definition #2 is quite possibly my favorite definition of christianity.

Oxidizing Material

Oh, gee, it's not my teacher who made up the exam (he's a lax RC and is understandably pissed off at half the questions). It was one of the fundie religion teachers from my old school, and when everything transferred over to Holy Trinity, exams stayed the same. Here's one I failed to miss:

5) Over the centuries, the church has been the object of scorn and ridicule. Nowadays, people just ignore the church. Which do you think is the greater threat to the church and why?

Now, obviously, I could have a field day with this, but I noticed the question doesn't say which church...

While it's true that the church, or "coven" if you will, of pagans have been the object of ridicule and hatred (especially by the Christian movements during the Salem witch trials), today the ignorance surrounding the church is the greatest threat of all. People who are followers of this religion (as I once was and my sister is) are subjected to hatred and bigotry because of the ignorance the pagan church has unfairly received. Pagans all around are thought to be terrorists, devil worshippers, evil, Hitler-followers, the list goes on. In truth, if people were to learn more about Paganism and the church(es) of, there wouldn't be such an intolerance from Christian movements and society as a whole. Never again the burning times.

philechat

Over the centuries, the church has been the object of scorn and ridicule. Nowadays, people just ignore the church. Which do you think is the greater threat to the church and why?

Galileo, Einstein, all the great philosophers, Charles Darwin, multiculturalism, archeologists...Need I say more?

8) Why do we pray to Jesus?

Hmmm...Why did the Greeks go naked and eat raw meat for Dionysis?

9) Jesus is our primary model for attitudes and behaviour. Give four (4) examples from the gospels that demonstrate the model that Jesus is for you. How can you make these attitudes and such a bigger part of your life?

1. give all money to the poor, and dress in rags.
2. shove your religion down people's throat so that they would listen?
3. Can I call myself the son of God too?
4. lock all women at home, and tell them to keep silent when you lecture to them

10) What is prayer and why do we pray? What does prayer do for us?

Prayer is the easiest way of getting on God's nerves. He must have put on earphones because we are such a whiny bunch. Plus he knows our needs before we even pray and did nothing. I think we should stop praying else it would surely be our express tickets to HELL.

4) How are Catholics not Christians?

There are too many Italians who are Catholics. Or Polish, or South American for that matter. Christians do not accept those inferior races

6) How has this course improved your relationship with God, others and the Earth?

Relationship with God: Wow! Even his fart smells like roses now. I have a complete reversal of aesthetic taste because of the class.

With others: I could now get along with those people who swoon over the boy bands. My sympathy also extends to the heartfelt cries of country music singers and Kincade.

With the Earth: The Earth are for wacky Gaia worshippers. I care only about getting my a$$ into His Heavenly Kingdom. (Pascal said something about it, didn't he)