snatchbalance

Sometimes, I switch back and forth between intercourse and oral sex. I've been told that condoms make my penis taste bad.

SB

brighid

Intensity,

Unless your are bursting your load with the pressure of a fire hose a condom, no matter how vigorous the sex is – IS NOT going to break. Maybe if you had left in your glove compartment for the past year and it endure searing temperatures, maybe then it would break. Or if you are using some petroleum based lubricant that will break down the plastic … Do a little test with a condom to dispel this myth from your thinking: open a new package and place it around your closed fist – it will stretch and then see how far you can stretch it before it breaks. You have been lucky and it only takes ONE sperm to change your life. And before your actually ejaculate there is a very concentrated, clear liquid that comes out that has billions of sperms cells in it. Call it concentrated sperm and think about that the next time you think you have pulled out too late.

Sex doesn’t feel very different for a woman condom or no condom and perhaps it is more psychological for her then an actual physical difference. At least not in my personal experience.

If you aren’t ready to have a child with this woman and if you don’t want to put her in a position to choose an abortion take some precautions and just because the pray and pull method has worked so far … well that is hardly an effective and reliable method to place yours and her entire future upon. Why isn’t she on the pill? Is she using an IUD or another BC device? Does she have a supply of the morning after pill on hand in the event you miss? Have you guys talked about what would you she found herself pregnant? What if she changed her mind? If you haven’t talked about this stuff, no matter how mind blowing the sex is you shouldn’t be having it. It only takes one time to change your ‘track” record and change the course of your future and hers.

Try different types of condoms and experiment! But for crying out loud protect yourself and her. If you care about each other at all birth control should be important and a main component of your sex life.

Brighid

HelenM

Hi IntenSity ,

I agree with the others that this seems very risky - I've read what Brighid said, elsewhere.

I didn't ever expect I'd read a guy saying that he preferred withdrawal to condoms but - what would I know?

Re: sexually dysfunctional - did you perhaps mean, infertile? It seems a sad irony that some [heterosexual] couples probably must spend years panicked about getting pregnant only to find that when they want to, it's very hard or impossible for them.

In fact probably many [heterosexual] couples are either panicked about the risk of pregnancy or heartbroken that none is occurring. And I don't know that there's a solution for the worry except for those who choose permanent elective infertility by surgery, which people wouldn't do unless they are sure they don't want children. At least there are increasing options for those who want children, who suffer from varying degrees of infertility.

love
Helen

Veil of Fire

Intensity: Pre-cum contains active sperm. It's perfectly possible to get pregnant even when using coitus interruptus 100% perfectly, and happens more often than any other properly-used birth control method. But hey, that's a risk some people find acceptable. Just making sure you have the facts.

**

"I've been told that condoms make my penis taste bad."

They do. They really, really do. Uggggggh.

Oral sex, THEN sex, when condoms are involved. I refuse to do it any other way.

Ted Hoffman

brighid
Maybe if you had left in your glove compartment for the past year and it endure searing temperatures, maybe then it would break. Or if you are using some petroleum based lubricant that will break down the plastic

see, there is always a possibility. I cant subject every piece of condom I use to destructive tests and chemical analysis now can I?

Do a little test with a condom to dispel this myth from your thinking: open a new package and place it around your closed fist – it will stretch and then see how far you can stretch it before it breaks

So it will break?

And before your actually ejaculate there is a very concentrated, clear liquid that comes out that has billions of sperms cells in it. Call it concentrated sperm and think about that the next time you think you have pulled out too late.

I don't believe seminal fluid has any sperms. I know its used for lubrication. Unless you want to back up your claims with hard evidence. Remember I have been at this for two years now?

Sex doesn’t feel very different for a woman condom or no condom and perhaps it is more psychological for her then an actual physical difference. At least not in my personal experience.

It does, believe me. Unless one has been using condoms from the time one started having sex or one has been using condoms for a long time. See, its like sugar and tea: People who have been taking 1 spoonful for years find it as enjoyful as people who take 4 spoonfuls. But try giving a 4 spoonful chap one spoonful and see the reaction.

If you aren’t ready to have a child with this woman and if you don’t want to put her in a position to choose an abortion take some precautions and just because the pray and pull method has worked so far … well that is hardly an effective and reliable method to place yours and her entire future upon
Its not pray and pull and I resent the ridicule.
But your advice is right on point. I think its time we made a safer decision. I know however that if she got PG, I would still marry her but it would disrupt our lives, thats a fact. Maybe we are just being reckless. But then, its not like we have sex thrice a week: maybe thrice a month. Sometimes she is safe and when she is not safe, thats when I have to employ withdrawal.
For us to sit down and decide on birth-control methods, that would really make sex a big issue. And she is very distrustive of all the artificial methods. With some good reason. Like here in Africa, there are still chemists who sell DPV in spite of the ban on it.

Why isn’t she on the pill? Is she using an IUD or another BC device? Does she have a supply of the morning after pill on hand in the event you miss?
No to all of the above

Have you guys talked about what would you she found herself pregnant?
Yes we have and we decided to use condoms, but it was once and a tacit decision was made to cease using it.
Natural methods are also an option you know. Why are you treating it like "no control"? Just because you got PG when you did not use a condom?

There are people I know who got PG in spite of condom usage but then again, maybe they lied about using condoms.

What if she changed her mind?

I am Mr. Flexible. Thats my hallmark. Aint nothing I cant handle.

If you haven’t talked about this stuff, no matter how mind blowing the sex is you shouldn’t be having it. It only takes one time to change your ‘track” record and change the course of your future and hers.
Most things people do in life are risky. There are worse things that could happen to a couple than one of them getting pregnant (eg HIV). For christs sake, I am working I can support a wife and a child. There are people who get pregnant while in high school - and yet they still manage.

My point is, to try to freak me out about the prospect of pregnancy is not the best approach. Sex, with or without a condom has possible consequences. And one only needs appreciate them.

People choose artificial birth control measures for some reasons. Others choose natural birth control measures for other reasons. Fear is not always the motivating factor. There is the pleasure and intimacy to consider. Condoms, in my opinion, really detach the intimacy from sex. And that, I think is her problem too. If its all about safety, then I can also go to some pros, wear a condom and have a round. Of course some people will disagree, but thats my view and my experience. Maybe its my background.
Its just that between condoms and natural methods of birth control, we chose the latter. And we recognise the risks.
But we also recognise the pleasure involved.

Thanks for your advice. That of course, includes you, Helen

Veil of fire.
I only know of seminal fluid. If thats what you mean by pre-cum, then maybe I should go for a sperm-count or something.

Bottom line, its about human choices.

[ June 13, 2002: Message edited by: IntenSity ]</p>

HelenM

Hi IntenSity

First to say, yes, it's about choices.

I like that you posted again because you've said things here that weren't in your first post, which shed more light on how much you've thought this through. (That generally happens, if someone comes back to post follow-up posts - that's one reason I find discussions interesting...)

To pick up on one or two things you said

I don't believe seminal fluid has any sperms. I know its used for lubrication. Unless you want to back up your claims with hard evidence. Remember I have been at this for two years now?

I wouldn't know but I assume that the people who write books that say this had some evidence.

You're right in that obviously the fluid and sperm two are separate until close to ejaculation; but I've read that it's common for a small amount of fluid to come out just before that point and that would be already mixed by then.

Or something like that

The risk of pregnancy occurring from that small amount is presumably much less than if you didn't withdraw. It's still there though, if the books are right, and 2 years pregnancy free doesn't prove the books wrong, with all due respect. I'm sure you know that since your posts show you to be thoughtful, logical, analytical, etc. I'm sure you realize what proves something and what doesn't.

I think all your experience shows is that pregnancy is not guaranteed from that small emission! (No offense)

People who have been taking 1 spoonful for years find it as enjoyful as people who take 4 spoonfuls. But try giving a 4 spoonful chap one spoonful and see the reaction.

Yes, but you could argue the same way about condoms. If they are good, then once you are used to them you probably won't think twice about 'this ruins the intimacy of sex'!

I honestly doubt that people who use them find it does. Well, or they would have quit...

Many things in life take a little getting used to. But often it's worth it.

I imagine that for many, less anxiety over the possibility of pregnancy is a small price to pay for using them.

(If lubrication is an issue because of condoms, it's very easy to solve)
For us to sit down and decide on birth-control methods, that would really make sex a big issue.

It really shouldn't be a problem for you to discuss it, imo.

But if what you are saying is, if we discuss this she might quit being willing to have it and that would not be in my best interests...that's different. (No offense)

And she is very distrustive of all the artificial methods. With some good reason. Like here in Africa, there are still chemists who sell DPV in spite of the ban on it.

I can understand that - but lots of people who use your method get pregnant, or so I've heard. So it isn't necessarily 100% effective either.

Why isn’t she on the pill? Is she using an IUD or another BC device? Does she have a supply of the morning after pill on hand in the event you miss?
No to all of the above

we decided to use condoms, but it was once and a tacit decision was made to cease using it.

I recommend more overtly discussing these things - but that's only a suggestion, of course. As you said, you're free to make your own choices (the two of you).

Natural methods are also an option you know. Why are you treating it like "no control"?

You're right - it's not 'no control'. They can work very well. But only abstinence is failsafe.
There are people I know who got PG in spite of condom usage but then again, maybe they lied about using condoms.

Some people are inept at what they do...what can I say?

Maybe they put them on after that small emission

What if she changed her mind?

My point is, to try to freak me out about the prospect of pregnancy is not the best approach. Sex, with or without a condom has possible consequences. And one only needs appreciate them.

You're right and I didn't perceive anyone trying to 'freak you out'. They just want you to be aware of the risks and possible consequences. I'd say that's kind of them. Some of them have children they didn't plan to have. So they know very well what that does to someone's life.

I don't expect they'll continue to push that one point now you've explained that you have discussed pregnancy and you're willing to deal with it should it happen.

Condoms, in my opinion, really detach the intimacy from sex. And that, I think is her problem too.

I already commented on this...if you think something will ruin sex, you can guarantee that it will, because it's not just about the physical act, as you said.

But it doesn't necessarily have to ruin it just because you believe it does ruin it. It doesn't have to be that way.

Fwiw - just because I'm discussing sex it doesn't mean I am encouraging people who aren't married to have it

It's more that, if they are, they are. And if they are I would wish them to understand the possible consequences and risks and be as informed and prepared as possible.

love
Helen

Baloo

IntenSity:

I appreciate a fellow skeptic. For a gift as I went to college, my mom gave me a little "at-home" microscope (I was a chemistry major... gotta love well-intentioned if mildly naive parents). Anyway, I had this debate with two friends of mine, and to settle it, I did the unspeakable - looked at my pre-come under a 600x resolution. Try it yourself. You cannot argue with your own eyes (or the millions of little tadpoles they will tell you are there).

p.s. I'd highly recommend the pill over any other method, even the condom, if avoiding pregnancy is your only concern (i.e. you don't give a damn about STD's, because you are just that confident that she would break up with you before she "met her real Mr. Right"). If you truly are Mr Flexible, and her parents are unwilling to help out (or, you are unwilling to ask for their help), there is no reason you can't spare $30/month for the pill. If you insist on going "low-tech" though, at least help yourselves out a little bit, and <a href="http://www.fertilityuk.org/nfps40.html#avoidingpregnancyslug" target="_blank">monitor her fertility cycle</a>, avoiding sex during the peak points of fertility. The withdrawal and "rythym" method combined is far more effective than withdrawal alone.

brighid

<a href="http://www.personalmd.com/healthtopics/crs/withdraw.shtml" target="_blank">http://www.personalmd.com/healthtopics/crs/withdraw.shtml</a>

Dear Pre-ejaculatory Fluids and Pregnancy,
This is an awesome question and one that most teens would never think of, but should.
Yes, there is definitely a chance of you becoming pregnant by your boyfriend’s pre-ejaculatory fluid even if his penis is not touching your vagina. The ejaculatory fluid contains sperm, which is enough to cause pregnancy. So make sure to practice safe sex whether it is oral or otherwise.
Before continuing on with your sexual activities you may want to consult Pre-ejaculatory Fluids & STDs. Also, both you and your partner should go to a teen health center or local Planned Parenthood before becoming sexually active to discuss safer sex and birth control methods. They can see you without your parent’s permission, confidentially and on a reduced or no cost basis. If you live in Northern New Jersey call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at (973) 971-5199.
<a href="http://www.teenhealthfx.com/answers/sexuality/Sex-84.htm" target="_blank">http://www.teenhealthfx.com/answers/sexuality/Sex-84.htm</a>

There are two small structures attached to the urethra (a passage running the length of the penis which carries both semen and urine to the tip of the penis) which are called Cowper's glands. During sexual arousal, these glands may secrete a clear, mucus-like substance called pre-ejaculatory fluid, or pre-cum. While the purpose of this fluid is not known, and the amount varies from man to man and from one sexual experience to another, pre-cum may contain some sperm. A partner could obtain an STD (including HIV), or could become pregnant, if the love drops come in contact with their partner's mucous membranes. There is no way to "control" pre-cum, except to avoid sexual arousal. So use a condom from the very beginning of any sexual interaction between two people. Be safe!
<a href="http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/0601.html" target="_blank">http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/0601.html</a>

During male sexual arounsel, the Cowper's glands secrete their fluid, which lubricates the urethra. This can happen close to the time of actual ejaculation, so sperm may already be present in this clear pre-ejaculatory fluid. SO YOU CAN STILL GET YOUR PARTNER PREGNANT WITHOUT EJACULATING!

The total volume of semen in each ejaculate is around one teaspoon and contains 120 to 600 million sperm (somebody actually counted!). But even this enormous number of microscopic sperm is extremely small in volume, equivalent to less than a tiny drop of semen.
<a href="http://www.campuslife.utoronto.ca/services/sec/minter.html" target="_blank">http://www.campuslife.utoronto.ca/services/sec/minter.html</a>

However, you should know that withdrawing your penis prior to ejaculation is not a fool-proof method of birth control. Just because you didn't ejaculate inside of her does not guarantee that she will not become pregnant. Soon after an erection is achieved, a little bit of fluid known as pre-ejaculatory fluid, or pre-cum (also known as "love drops"), which contains sperm, is released. If she is not taking any other form of birth control, then you should wear a condom as soon as you are erect and/or before penetration to avoid the possibility of impregnating her with your pre-cum (for more information on pre-cum, read archived Alice, Pregnancy from pre-cum?, Control pre-cum?, No pre-cum)
<a href="http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1009.html" target="_blank">http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1009.html</a>

Brighid

brighid

Hey – if you don’t want to wear a condom that is fine with me. It is nonetheless foolish, even if thus far you have managed not to get her pregnant that you know of. Often times a woman’s body naturally aborts a pregnancy – but hey, ignorance is bliss – right?

Yeap – condoms make your dick taste bad and spermicide will make your tongue numb and if the 15-30 seconds it takes for you to strap on a Jimmy is so incredibly distruptive to your love making episodes – well, I really feel sorry for you.

The chances of a condom breaking are smaller then the chance of your getting your girlfriend pregnant from coitus interuptus! But whatever man. It’s your life, oh and your girlfriend and potentially any child conceived. But no biggy – right? If you can look at this woman and say you know what – I want to spend the rest of my life with her and have children with her then by all means continue to go your course. And if she doesn’t mind an unplanned pregnancy then hey – who am I to judge your choices?

In my opinion, you and your girlfriend are being irresponsible and my experience has been that things drastically change when a couple is confronted with a pregnancy they aren’t ready for. But what does experience count for? Oh well. Go on with your life. You were the one who posted here about your sexual practices. You got advice and it’s yours to use or discard. Good luck and I really hope you and your girlfriend stay safe.

Brighid

brighid

Condom Breakage:
It is wonderful to see how responsible you are. You have good reason to be worried about your friend.
Yes, there are oversized condoms, but those are simply designed for men who don't like condoms to be too tight. A regular condom will fit on any size man. Condoms are tested to hold several liters of water!

If he is really breaking condoms (and not just using this as an excuse), he is probably not using them correctly. It is important to leave space at the end for ejaculate, and to use plenty of water-based lubricant. If used correctly, condoms don't usually break.

If your friend doesn't believe you, or her partner still insists, you or she can do this: take an unlubricated condom and pull it over your head. If you don't rip it with your nails, it will fit just fine. If his penis is larger than that, I think she has bigger things to worry about!

<a href="http://www.mypleasure.com/education/qanda/questions/13.asp?AID=Inktomi" target="_blank">http://www.mypleasure.com/education/qanda/questions/13.asp?AID=Inktomi</a>

Condom Sensation

Condoms take away the feeling.
Lack of sensation is the single most common excuse for not using a condom. However, in the last couple of years condom manufacturers have focused more and more on pleasure than ever before- with some condoms ranking as high or higher than not using one at all !! There are several ways to get more feeling out of your condoms. First, try a thinner condom. The thinner the condom the more feeling you get. Most manufacturers now make extra thin condoms. You can also try a shaped condom. Shaped condoms have more material at the head of the penis than regular condoms. This extra material rubs on the tip of the penis and adds a tremendous amount of new sensation. The two most popular shaped condoms are the Inspiral and the Pleasure Plus. Finally, adding a few drops of lube to the inside of your condom is an easy trck to add sensation to all condoms. Check out our huge selection of thin and extra head room condoms.

My condoms always break, what should I do?
The most common cause for condom failure is improper use. Read "How to put on a condom" to make sure you are putting your condoms on right. Also, make sure you are storing your condoms in proper conditions where the temperature is not too hot or cold. Finally, never use expired condoms as this can lead to increased failure rates. If you are still experiencing condom failure try using an extra strength condom.

More Breakage - a nice scientific test for you:

Since the physical size of a fully inflated condom often reaches over 1 meter in length and 50 liters in volume, the latex becomes extremely thin and transparent.

<a href="http://www.rit.edu/~andpph/text-high-speed-condom.html" target="_blank">http://www.rit.edu/~andpph/text-high-speed-condom.html</a>


<a href="http://www.quikcondoms.com/content.jsp?ch=condom_doc&id=103#feeling" target="_blank">http://www.quikcondoms.com/content.jsp?ch=condom_doc&id=103#feeling</a>

Brighid