Freethought & Rationalism Archive

David M. Payne · 03-07-2003, 10:07 AM

In 54, almost 55 years, I can remember spending perhaps 1 month with him. He was an enigma to me, a biological donor to my genetic structure, and not much more. I feel so empty right now and that doesn�t make any sense to me. After all there are people at work, or here, that I have more of a relationship with then I ever did with that man. Daddy, I just wanted to know you, why couldn�t you find the time for me?

Evangelion · 03-07-2003, 10:17 AM

Mate, that's harsh.

I obviously don't know exactly what you're going through right now, but I want you to know that I sympathise.

When my father committed suicide at 41 (I was 16) I went through a similar range of emotions.

As a manic depressive, he had long since ceased to be knowable, even by those who were closest to him.

The worst part of it all was that - by this stage - I honestly didn't want to spend any time with him myself.

It was just too painful.

beth · 03-07-2003, 10:48 AM

I'm sorry to hear this. My father died when I was eighteen. I had never met him. My mother had just ran into his mother and we had arranged for me to meet him for the first time in my life. He died from AIDS complications before I could. He told his mother on his death bed that I was 'just one of those things.' I can really relate to you. I truly feel for you.

christ-on-a-stick · 03-07-2003, 11:14 AM

I'm so sorry, David.

Although I was fortunate enough to be raised primarily by 2 loving grandparents, my biological parent's virtual rejection never stopped hurting. I've internally echoed your question to your father many, many times in your life, and have never stopped wondering how my biological mother had the heart to walk out on us (me and my 2 sisters, ages 2,4 & 6) and not look back.

I can relate and I know how much it hurts... (((((David))))))

The Cromwell Institute · 03-07-2003, 06:42 PM

Oh, David, I'm so sorry to hear that.

I don't really know what I can say that will help... just know that my thoughts are with you.

gooneygoogoo · 03-07-2003, 09:46 PM

I only wish I never knew my dad.

Badfish · 03-07-2003, 09:49 PM

I'm sorry david, my condolences.

My Dad is still alive but is a raging alcoholic, his time is coming soon too, and we are on the outs because of his stupid girlfriend.

David M. Payne · 03-07-2003, 09:55 PM

Thanks you guys. All my life I wanted to ask him that last question of mine above, but I never did.

David

Badfish · 03-07-2003, 09:59 PM

I think I am going to cry with you David (if your not crying, then I'm crying for you), life is cruel sometimes.

Badfish · 03-07-2003, 10:01 PM

I will probably not be able to ask my father that same question, or get the chance to tell him I love him again, that hurts, at least your not alone, huh?

For all I know he could already be gone, he lives on the east coast and I haven't seen him online in a few weeks.

03-07-2003, 10:07 AM	#1
David M. Payne Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: The land of chain smoking, bible thumping, holy ro Posts: 1,248	The man I never knew, my father, died today. In 54, almost 55 years, I can remember spending perhaps 1 month with him. He was an enigma to me, a biological donor to my genetic structure, and not much more. I feel so empty right now and that doesn�t make any sense to me. After all there are people at work, or here, that I have more of a relationship with then I ever did with that man. Daddy, I just wanted to know you, why couldn�t you find the time for me?

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03-07-2003, 10:17 AM	#2
Evangelion Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Walsall, UK Posts: 1,490	Mate, that's harsh. I obviously don't know exactly what you're going through right now, but I want you to know that I sympathise. When my father committed suicide at 41 (I was 16) I went through a similar range of emotions. As a manic depressive, he had long since ceased to be knowable, even by those who were closest to him. The worst part of it all was that - by this stage - I honestly didn't want to spend any time with him myself. It was just too painful.

03-07-2003, 10:48 AM	#3
beth Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: where orange blossoms bloom... Posts: 1,802	I'm sorry to hear this. My father died when I was eighteen. I had never met him. My mother had just ran into his mother and we had arranged for me to meet him for the first time in my life. He died from AIDS complications before I could. He told his mother on his death bed that I was 'just one of those things.' I can really relate to you. I truly feel for you.

03-07-2003, 11:14 AM	#4
christ-on-a-stick Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Durango, Colorado Posts: 7,116	I'm so sorry, David. Although I was fortunate enough to be raised primarily by 2 loving grandparents, my biological parent's virtual rejection never stopped hurting. I've internally echoed your question to your father many, many times in your life, and have never stopped wondering how my biological mother had the heart to walk out on us (me and my 2 sisters, ages 2,4 & 6) and not look back. I can relate and I know how much it hurts... (((((David))))))

03-07-2003, 06:42 PM	#5
The Cromwell Institute Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Australia Posts: 766	Oh, David, I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't really know what I can say that will help... just know that my thoughts are with you.

03-07-2003, 09:46 PM	#6
gooneygoogoo Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 16	I only wish I never knew my dad.

03-07-2003, 09:49 PM	#7
Badfish Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Death Valley, CA Posts: 1,738	I'm sorry david, my condolences. My Dad is still alive but is a raging alcoholic, his time is coming soon too, and we are on the outs because of his stupid girlfriend.

03-07-2003, 09:55 PM	#8
David M. Payne Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: The land of chain smoking, bible thumping, holy ro Posts: 1,248	Thanks you guys. All my life I wanted to ask him that last question of mine above, but I never did. David

03-07-2003, 09:59 PM	#9
Badfish Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Death Valley, CA Posts: 1,738	I think I am going to cry with you David (if your not crying, then I'm crying for you), life is cruel sometimes.

03-07-2003, 10:01 PM	#10
Badfish Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Death Valley, CA Posts: 1,738	I will probably not be able to ask my father that same question, or get the chance to tell him I love him again, that hurts, at least your not alone, huh? For all I know he could already be gone, he lives on the east coast and I haven't seen him online in a few weeks.

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