Puck

What would a christian woman do if the husband who she is supposed to cede to has slipped a gear? Not necessarily mentally ill, but not using good sense? Where his judgment is harming the mental health of the wife and he doesn't feel it's him that's the problem?

I would assume this would be addressed in the bible, since it tends to try to controll all issues of life. Since the couple are both fundy xians (but in a soft sort of way), I would think she needs reference to a bible quote to back her up. She's a dear friend and in a real quandry, right now.

Any of our Christian members, or learned Infidels have any bible quotes to help her feel better about having to buck her husbands word?

Thanks,
Puck

Bree

I don't know about any Bible verses pertaining to mental health.

However, I did ask my very holy mother about the above situation, and she told me that since God is in control of things at all times, the wife should continue to obey her husband in all things - how can anyone know what God intends, since He works in mysterious ways? Besides, labelling someone with "mental illness" is placing a limit on what God can do.

Just my mother's two cents.

Godless Dave

I don't think there's a Biblical basis for it, but I think the common practice is to nag. "Of course you're in charge honey, but blah blah blah blah blah if you don't do what I want I'll never shut up blah blah blah"

HelenM

I'd have her talk to someone she trusts at church about it. Probably a man; probably a leader there; hopefully someone who knows her husband and could have a word with him and he'd respect what this other person says.

After all, it should be clear to other Christians apart from her if this is not simply a matter over which people have their own preferences and the husband and wife happen to disagree.

Having the wife discretely encourage another Christian man who is his friend, or trusted leader, go to him seems the best approach, to me, if he's thinking or behaving in ways that indicate he is in need of some help of some sort. If he needs professional help them maybe that friend can help persuade him to see a doctor and/or professional counselor.

I think telling a wife she must obey no matter what is rather unwise and could be dangerous. I'm fairly sure that all the Christians I know would say there is a time when a wife has to draw the line, for her own safety or that of her kids.

If what you really wanted is a Bible verse, it might be best to go to the flip-side of "wives submit" which is "husbands love your wives" and point out that what he is doing is in fact hurting her and is not being loving.

But I think it might work better to have another Christian man - one who is kind to his wife! - have a chat with her husband. The husband might be more receptive to him saying it than his own wife. I would think she's already tried to reason with her husband to no avail. Or, I'd hope she has, before she would talk to you, an outsider, about this.

Please keep us posted on this and let us know what happens.

take care
Helen

lpetrich

Which raises the very interesting question of what a wife is supposed to do if her husband converts to another religion or rejects religion. If she is supposed to be obedient, then she must reject Xianity. Which is a very fun sort of dilemma.

Jagged

I spent the first 20 years of my life in the church, and am sorry to tell you you're going to get very little help from the Bible on this one. I can also tell you from experience you'll get no help from church leaders or members either. This is one of many areas in which fundamentalism just sucks.

The best suggestion I would have is get her a book written by a secular psychologist, don't draw attention to the fact it is not "Christian," and hope she'll start thinking for herself once she gets some affirmation.

If you give a little more info about what kind of situation she's in I might be able to suggest something.

[ November 07, 2002: Message edited by: Jagged Little Pill ]</p>

Bible Humper

I read one of the arguments used to compel many petty lords who lacked the proper attitude into crusading was that just as the woman owes fealty to her husband, the husband owes fealty to his lord, and the lord owes fealty to his king, so do all of these people owe fealty to Christ. Luckily, the church was willing to bear the burden of passing his communications along and today he needs some moslems slaughtered.

The point is that Jesus trumps Hubby.

Wyz_sub10

Is this one of my sisters in disguise?

Puck

Thanks for ya'lls replies. She may know of something biblicy that will help her, but I thought I'd offer something if I could find it.

They are living out of state for his work, so no close friends up there. I'm not an outsider, I am her best friend, and her husband is dear to me, also.

She has a real need for a car (not a want, a need), which he refuses. She has a samll income of her own which goes to pay a bill of *theirs*. I've suggested that if he is going to be stingy with the money he makes (and he's making very good money), then perhaps she needs to do the same and spend her income on a car. He's always had money issues, but since they have moved for this job, it seems he's gotten out of wack about it. He got upset over her buying a little wicker basket to put bills in?! WTF is that all about?

Of course, there's more to the story than this, but she has been trying to avoid the hissy-fit he's going to have on more than one front, but the car is a real bugger for her.

I suggested that if Mary had a need to go about, Joseph would have 'let' her get her own donkey if they could have afforded it. At least she had a good laugh from that.

Anyway, their religous beliefs have litte to do with the problem I suppose, but since it is such a focus for them both, I was thinking that maybe if she had something biblical (?) to soften the row that's coming up it might help, which because of her health, isn't a good thing.

Ya'll are so great to have around. It's nice to have people I can ask questions of even if it's not an indepth issue but just a mundane relationship problem (at least to outsiders it is).

Thanks again, and if you come up with something, do let me know.

NOGO

Puck,

Are there any children and what ages?