HelenM

Thanks for the update, Darren. Have a great weekend!

Helen

Proxima Centauri

We're all glad things are going better for you at the moment. There are some points, which I have wanted to make for some time. I couldn’t easily discuss the Red Indian Mascot before when things were so strained. I can understand the feelings of a Native American who was upset over something your wife said.
I don’t know exactly what your wife said but I know White Anglo Saxon Protestants (WASPS) often don’t understand how easily others can get offended by remarks which they, the WASPS think are innocent. You know how you feel when Jesus Jerks decide you must be evil because you don’t believe in God. Native Americans and other ethnic minorities don’t like other people’s preconceptions either.
Anyway the main point I wanted to make is that the people in that Church probably feel personally responsible because you lost faith in God.
They fear that they will have to answer to their loving Maker for this.

And your children could be lost as well.

While you and your wife are going to that Church they might always try extra hard to get your wife to convert you and to stop you deconverting the children. You could consider going back to the Unitarian Church, or to some other Church.

Vicar Philip

I'll tell ya, B.Shack, it's kind of funny. We really haven't gone to that church, or ANY church, for months. I'm sorry for letting everyone continue to believe we were going. Fact of the matter is my wife works overnights at Wal-Mart on the weekends, and when she comes home Sunday morning all she feels like doing is sleeping.

Last week, my son's baseball coach lost his daughter in some probably drug-related accident. My wife wondered what we could do for him, and I suggested we take some food for their family. She enthusiastically agreed, and made them quite a meal. When we took it over to them, the look of gratitude in his eyes made both of us feel very good about it. I told her that one of the best things about it was that we didn't need a church to tell us to do this kind deed. She agreed!!

She still tells me she doesn't like that I don't believe like she does, but I think it's bothering her less as she sees that I still really am the same person. Religion is a very difficult obstacle to get over, as I am finding out, but I think it can be done. I'm still hoping we get through it.

Vicar

Proxima Centauri

Great to hear that you are not still going to Church, Vicar. I hope things carry on right for you.
Can your wife be persuaded to cut down her work load on other days, not on Saturday night?

Bumble Bee Tuna

For the record, I don't have a lot of time on my hands, posting statistics are found by clicking on the "800" or whatever the number of replies in this thread is. It then displays who has posted each of the replies.

Good luck with everything, Vic.

B

HelenM

I think it's very helpful to the marriage relationship when you can find things you agree on and do them together.

I also hope that through this ordeal your wife is making some progress dealing with her own 'emotional baggage' from the past. It sounds like she is, which is wonderful.

Thanks for the update!

Helen

SharonDee

Ahhh...

Ooo...

Interesting! Thanks for pointing this out.

Primordial Groove

Hehe, I havent read this thread since about page 5 or so.

Anyone up to post some Cliff's Notes on this thread?

HelenM

Hmmm...Cliff notes...really VP should do this; I hope it's ok with him if I have a go.

VP, who is married with four children, came here newly deconverted. His wife was extremely upset, saying she couldn't be married to an atheist; but he wanted to save his marriage if possible.

It was very difficult; they had a series of nasty fights. They realized part of her unhappiness was due to stress from long working hours and 'emotional baggage' from her past. To address this she has cut back her working hours and she (or both of them?) are in a counseling class.

On the whole things between them have been better lately than when he first deconverted, although it's not clear they're out of the woods yet.

Oh, and based on what he's said about how he helps with the children he sounds like a great Dad

How's that? If I missed out any important details or unintentionally misrepresented the thread then I hope someone else will post more accurate version.

Helen

Vicar Philip

Thanks for the kind words, Helen.

We're down in the trough again, and I must sound like a broken record to you patient folks.

Here's what is going on: I just decided to take a new, better paying job, closer to home, company truck, etc. My wife wanted me to keep it under wraps from everyone, including my parents. Her reason? She wanted to find out who would mention it to her first once it got out around our small town. She says she doesn't like people "talking about us," and this would allow her to see who blabbed. The point of this? I do not honestly know, but this morning I told her it must be so she can add yet another name to her grudge list. I was of course accused of "being so smart" to figure out her plan (here we go again... the "Darren thinks I'm stupid" crap).

Also, after her class last Wednesday, she came home and called a family meeting. She asked us like 12 questions, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what chores do you hate, who would you put on a desert island, etc. We got some really good emotions out of it, I thought. She then said that there would be no more yelling or spanking in our family. Then, just last night, our oldest daughter ticked my wife off somehow and my wife threatened to spank her. I called her on it this morning, and her excuse was that she was mad. So, I said, being mad gives you the green light for "anything goes?" "Well, you weren't helping me with her!" she said. First she said she didn't remember saying that, but suddenly she remembers I wasn't helping her? Hmmm. Something isn't adding up.

So anyway, we had severe storms come through the area yesterday evening after I had dropped her off at her class. My parents don't have a basement, so I called them and told them they could come out in case we had a tornado. They came out, and in the conversation, I wound up telling them about my job. I even asked my mom to keep it quiet, thinking that would somewhat satisfy my wife. She calls, says the class is letting out early because of the storms, so I go to pick her up. On the way home I told her I had told my folks. Look out.

First she wouldn't speak to me, then she was extremely angry. I told her right from the start, last week, that I thought her reasons for not telling anybody were ridiculous, and I really wanted to tell my parents. So I did. We were about a half mile from home on the country road, storm in full swing, and she demands I let her out of the van. I didn't stop, so she opens the door and threatens to jump out! I grabbed her leg, just in case she slipped, and she thwacked me in the head and screamed at me. Finally she shut the stupid door and rode in silence to the house.

She said two words to my parents and went upstairs to the bedroom, closing the door. I cleaned up the supper dishes, bathed the kids, and slept on the couch. Now, once again, I am being accused of "controlling her" by not stopping the van. Of course, the storm didn't matter, I just wanted to control her. Yeah right.

Vicar is getting pretty tired of riding the roller coaster. I know what you guys are going to say, I just had to continue documenting this pathetic saga. Talk to ya later.