Tom Sawyer

Back when I was a believer, I used to talk to God all the time. I don't mean this in a crazy way - he never talked back or anything - but it just made me feel better to tell someone my problems and helped me work through them. It was sort of like seeing a shrink but much less expensive.

Now, I haven't done this in years. This past weekend, however, my cat died. We'd had her for about fifteen years and old age finally caught up with her. I was very sad thinking about all the good times I'd had with her and while going through those past memories, I found that I had lapsed into my old habit of talking to God about what I was feeling.

The wierd thing about this conversation, though, was that I was bitching at God about the fact that He doesn't exist. I was quite angry about the fact that there is no life after death and I would never be able to see my cat again and I was seriously laying into Him about the fact that He wasn't real. I felt that His lack of ability to actually exist was a personal affront and He'd really let me down by only being imaginary. At this point, I realized what an odd conversation I'd been having (only in my head, I wasn't yelling at the ceiling or anything) and stopped. I just felt it was a bit strange to be angry at someone for not being real. It did give me a bit of a feeling of the psychological power that religion's anti-death pill gives and why it has such a hold over most people's lives. Confrontation with mortality is heavy stuff.

Anyways, I miss my cat. Her name was Misty. In her youth, she could snatch birds out of mid-air and once whupped a raccoon twice her size that tried to get at our garbage can. Her old age was happy and she died peacefully with people who loved her. I really wish all the theists were right and I'd be able to see her again.

T. E. Lords

Hey Tom,

I just wanted to take the time to tell you I know exactly what you are talking about. I was laying in bed the other night and caught myself sort of doing something similar to praying. I don't want to sound crazy here but it almost felt that like when i was a christian I set up almost another personality in myself that acted as god. Does that make sense? It was a totally new sensation and realization for me so i'm not sure I've throught it through well enought to share this. But it makes sense since I know god never really gave me any kind of answers it's the same part of me that used to sort of guide me and tell me what I thought god would want.

Charles-Matthew

I can understand where you are coming from Tom because I have done this too. I think it is because I was once Christian and having done this action of talking to God and recieving comfort from God for so long that it makes a powerful influence on you. So you do it resolve some issue in a way that has once worked for you before, since you don't know how to cope with it any other way.

Spenser

[Inappropriate commentary deleted; this is Secular Life & Support - BJM]

Jobar

I'm sorry to hear about your cat.

We've had believers here who insisted that God came to them as, in the words of a preacher from my youth, "a still, small voice." I think it's very common for religious people to ask themselves, in all seriousness, what would Jesus (or God) do, or have me to do? And the answer they settle upon may be experienced by them as being separate from themselves.

For most people, I suppose this is pretty harmless- but then some have voices which tell them to go out and kill prostitutes with a hammer...

LHP Adept

I do this too, sorta. I sometimes 'talk' (silently) to an imaginary shrink. I have had enough contact with real ones to imagine pretty well what one might say, and I find that trying to articulate my thoughts and feelings to my 'virtual shrink' can help me clarify my own understanding of them.

T. E. Lords

I also understand being mad because my idea of god doesn't exist. It's really hard not to have that "faith" to rely on to get you through the hard times.

diana

I'm sorry to hear about your cat, Tom. I'm a cat lover. They do take a-hold of you, the fuzzy little independent critters. Interesting how you got mad at God for not being there. Might it be more fair to curse nature for being so transient?

Anyhow...with my condolences, I am also moving this thread to a more appropriate forum. It isn't really discussing the EoG, IMO, so much as your unique way of dealing with the passing of a beloved pet.

I'm moving you to Secular Lifestyle and Support.

d

beth

Hi Tom, I'm very sorry to hear about your cat. I hope that your conversation helped you vent and blow off steam. I think that the most traumatic part of my deconversion was the realization that I would never see my loved ones again.

I have had pets that I loved nearly as much as my kids. Heck, it was before my kids, so maybe I loved them as much. One cat in particular was let out never to be found again. I still look for her and miss her. It's been twelve years. So, I understand that your cat's death was traumatic.

I also understand the anger of the shattering of the dream and the disillusionment. I think that your conversation with 'god' was healthy and a normal part of mourning. Hope I made sense. Take care.

AmericanHeretic

I add my condolences on the passing of your pet. Pets become family and when they pass away, the pain runs deep.

I used to talk to God a lot, back when I was a believer. For a while there I was bitter about how it all was just not true, nobody was home and all that emptyness you feel when you first leave religion. But as time went by, my sense of reason steadily grew, my cognitive lock on reality strengthened and the urgency of life rushed to the surface and boiled with energy, as it does today.

Sure, you lose the eternal life bliss, but it's only myth, it just makes you feel better, and does not actually accomplish what it claims. What you gain afterwards is an understanding, that if acted upon, makes life a much more vivid experience.

You only have so much time to be alive, then you die and stay dead forever....so you'd better go live as hard and fast and deep as you possibly can right now because this is all there is my friends. Ride the lightning, do your best, don't waste time, find True Love and dance with Moon, but whatever you do, do it with everything you've got.

Once God is out of the picture, then you can begin to understand what life is about.