Freethought & Rationalism Archive

chekmate · 02-13-2003, 12:54 PM

What is "flirting" and how can it be distinguished from incidental contact. I am in a nice, long term relationship right now, so I am not going to act if this other girl is flirting with me. I am just curious.

Here's the situation:
Met her on the first day of my sociology class. I've had this teacher before, so I am on kinda friendly terms with him, and I know how he works. Sometimes I make comments, or shoot the shit with him in class, and she seems to find everything I say to be funny. She always talks to me before and after class, but isn't hesitant to chat with other guys either. She's cute, so I don't think she would be lacking in guys asking her out. After class, she walks with me to my next classroom, but only because she has a class in the same building anyway. And today, we had to go to a speech in a lecture hall, and we say next to each other 'cause she was my only friend there. So, we were sitting there, listening to this guy talk about globalization, and (this is what set off the "she's flirting with you!" alarm in my head) she kept touching me in not-on-purpose-but-it-could-be kind of ways.

Some examples:
At the beginning, she immediatly take off her shoes. This is relevent.
1. Decides to sit cross legged on the chair... her thigh lands right on top of mine, and stays there for about 10 minutes, and her (bare) foot is touching my hip.
2. She hogs the armrest, and her entire upper arm is in full contact with mine for most of the speech.
3. She crosses her legs, and her (bare) foot ends up pressed against my calf for 5 or 10 mintutes... like real pressure, not just touching.
4. She crosses her arms, and grabs the armrest, her fingers touching my side... 5 minutes or so.
5. She seems to enjoy sitting with her legs spread, so that her entire leg would be touching mine.
6. After the speech, she had cookies and punch with me, and we walked out, going our seperate ways, but she patted me on the back before we split.

So, am I making too much of this? Am I subconsciously hoping she's flirting with me? What's the deal?

ZiprHead · 02-13-2003, 12:57 PM

Take her, she's yours!

Kinross · 02-13-2003, 01:03 PM

Ring, Ring

Clue phone, its for you.

braces_for_impact · 02-13-2003, 01:13 PM

Put on your rubbers, mate.

christ-on-a-stick · 02-13-2003, 01:16 PM

Quote:

6. After the speech, she had cookies and punch with me, and we walked out, going our seperate ways, but she patted me on the back before we split.

Well if she picks you to play on her team in kickball, then you KNOW she likes you!!!

Just kiddin'... but seriously, what does she have to do, stick her hand down your pants???

I think this one's a gimme.

ju'iblex · 02-13-2003, 01:39 PM

heh, gee, i dont know...

hint: yes

mind you, if some girl came up to me and started doing the same things, i would be totally oblivious. ive said it before, i wouldnt know if someone waas flirting with me even if they said it to my face.

LeftCoast · 02-13-2003, 02:24 PM

You don't do very well at "Blue's Clues" do you?

(If you don't know what that is, be very, very glad!)

Seriously, if nothing else it's worth the shot. Just ask her if she'd like to get lunch or go for some coffee or other non-threatening beverage of her choice. If that goes well, ask her out - the worst that can happen is that she'll say no, but at least your questions will have been answered.

I'm over 14 years away from first dates, but it was my experience that most women do not mind being asked out so long as you are polite about it and can take "no" for an answer.

Godless Dave · 02-13-2003, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by chekmate
What is "flirting" and how can it be distinguished from incidental contact.

It can't. Deliberate ambiguity is one of their most powerful tools for torturing us.

Arvel Joffi · 02-13-2003, 03:26 PM

Yes. She was flirting with you. There is no doubt. You were clueless. Here is how I know:

I've been there. A few years back, at an old job, I went into a foster facility to repair a wheelchair and the gorgeous aide who answered the door checked me out from head to toe and back again, finishing with a grin. I sat on one side of a very large couch to go to work. She sat in the remaining six inches of space between me and the armrest. She untied her pony-tailed hair and flipped it around a little bit. She listened to every word I said while biting her lower lip. She leaned over and into me to "see what I was doing."

I was a clueless idiot. I knew that I had completely blown it, though, when she had to leave the room and came back, tied her hair back up and proceeded to clean a counter ten feet from me without sparing me a glance.

I told a coworker when I got back to the shop and she laughed at me and called me an idiot, then patted me on the head.

I went back to that facility 20 times over the next year and I never saw her again.

I suck.

HaysooChreesto! · 02-13-2003, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by chekmate

Some examples:
At the beginning, she immediatly take off her shoes. This is relevent.
1. Decides to sit cross legged on the chair... her thigh lands right on top of mine, and stays there for about 10 minutes, and her (bare) foot is touching my hip.
2. She hogs the armrest, and her entire upper arm is in full contact with mine for most of the speech.
3. She crosses her legs, and her (bare) foot ends up pressed against my calf for 5 or 10 mintutes... like real pressure, not just touching.
4. She crosses her arms, and grabs the armrest, her fingers touching my side... 5 minutes or so.
5. She seems to enjoy sitting with her legs spread, so that her entire leg would be touching mine.
6. After the speech, she had cookies and punch with me, and we walked out, going our seperate ways, but she patted me on the back before we split.

As the infinitely wise and all knowing John Belushi devil on the young man's shoulder said in Animal House, "FUCK HER--FUCK HER BRAINS OUT!!!!" What better advice can anyone expect?

02-13-2003, 12:54 PM	#1
chekmate Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Downriver Detroit Posts: 1,961	How do I tell if a girl is flirting with me? What is "flirting" and how can it be distinguished from incidental contact. I am in a nice, long term relationship right now, so I am not going to act if this other girl is flirting with me. I am just curious. Here's the situation: Met her on the first day of my sociology class. I've had this teacher before, so I am on kinda friendly terms with him, and I know how he works. Sometimes I make comments, or shoot the shit with him in class, and she seems to find everything I say to be funny. She always talks to me before and after class, but isn't hesitant to chat with other guys either. She's cute, so I don't think she would be lacking in guys asking her out. After class, she walks with me to my next classroom, but only because she has a class in the same building anyway. And today, we had to go to a speech in a lecture hall, and we say next to each other 'cause she was my only friend there. So, we were sitting there, listening to this guy talk about globalization, and (this is what set off the "she's flirting with you!" alarm in my head) she kept touching me in not-on-purpose-but-it-could-be kind of ways. Some examples: At the beginning, she immediatly take off her shoes. This is relevent. 1. Decides to sit cross legged on the chair... her thigh lands right on top of mine, and stays there for about 10 minutes, and her (bare) foot is touching my hip. 2. She hogs the armrest, and her entire upper arm is in full contact with mine for most of the speech. 3. She crosses her legs, and her (bare) foot ends up pressed against my calf for 5 or 10 mintutes... like real pressure, not just touching. 4. She crosses her arms, and grabs the armrest, her fingers touching my side... 5 minutes or so. 5. She seems to enjoy sitting with her legs spread, so that her entire leg would be touching mine. 6. After the speech, she had cookies and punch with me, and we walked out, going our seperate ways, but she patted me on the back before we split. So, am I making too much of this? Am I subconsciously hoping she's flirting with me? What's the deal?

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02-13-2003, 12:57 PM	#2
ZiprHead Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: SagNasty. Posts: 3,034	Take her, she's yours!

02-13-2003, 01:03 PM	#3
Kinross Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: . Posts: 1,281	Ring, Ring Clue phone, its for you.

02-13-2003, 01:13 PM	#4
braces_for_impact Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: In a nondescript, black helicopter. Posts: 6,637	Put on your rubbers, mate.

02-13-2003, 01:39 PM	#6
ju'iblex Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Sydney Australia and beyond the realms of Gehenna Posts: 6,035	heh, gee, i dont know... hint: yes mind you, if some girl came up to me and started doing the same things, i would be totally oblivious. ive said it before, i wouldnt know if someone waas flirting with me even if they said it to my face.

02-13-2003, 02:24 PM	#7
LeftCoast Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: San Diego, CA, USA Posts: 913	You don't do very well at "Blue's Clues" do you? (If you don't know what that is, be very, very glad!) Seriously, if nothing else it's worth the shot. Just ask her if she'd like to get lunch or go for some coffee or other non-threatening beverage of her choice. If that goes well, ask her out - the worst that can happen is that she'll say no, but at least your questions will have been answered. I'm over 14 years away from first dates, but it was my experience that most women do not mind being asked out so long as you are polite about it and can take "no" for an answer.

02-13-2003, 03:26 PM	#9
Arvel Joffi Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 3,359	Yes. She was flirting with you. There is no doubt. You were clueless. Here is how I know: I've been there. A few years back, at an old job, I went into a foster facility to repair a wheelchair and the gorgeous aide who answered the door checked me out from head to toe and back again, finishing with a grin. I sat on one side of a very large couch to go to work. She sat in the remaining six inches of space between me and the armrest. She untied her pony-tailed hair and flipped it around a little bit. She listened to every word I said while biting her lower lip. She leaned over and into me to "see what I was doing." I was a clueless idiot. I knew that I had completely blown it, though, when she had to leave the room and came back, tied her hair back up and proceeded to clean a counter ten feet from me without sparing me a glance. I told a coworker when I got back to the shop and she laughed at me and called me an idiot, then patted me on the head. I went back to that facility 20 times over the next year and I never saw her again. I suck.

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