Proxima Centauri

You must, must,must keep the e-mail. It will show that you have not deserted, that she wants you out. She says, let me keep the children. Is she fit to keep them? Will she try and deny you access?
The computer didn't copy the e-mail. You know which one I mean.
Since I wrote this I read the rest of the thread. I still think you should keep the e-mail as there may be trouble in the future. For the moment I suggest you stay away from church unless you want to go there. You went to church to please Her Ladyship. It didn't work. Do what you liike on Sunday morning.

BadBadBad

Why were they relieved? Why did they think you weren't staying? Who told them that?

Godless Dave

And the phone messages.

Vicar Philip

She has agreed to go to a new marriage counselor.

I really think she's got something mental going on, because she insisted that I had never told her I wanted to go to a marriage counselor. I know that I have. I also think she's being honest. I've even got e-mails where I mentioned going to counseling. It's not like her to lie. She also insists that she never told me I wanted to "start a revolution" in the church, when I know damn well and good she did.

This whole problem with her thinking I think she's stupid stems, I think, wholly or in part to the incident with her father when he called her "dummy." I think that because she won't take out her anger and frustrations on him, I'm the next best thing. I must represent her father in many ways. Hence her getting so upset over me leaving. To her, this is abandonment. The last time I stayed away from home overnight was after our last really big fight where my windshield got broken. I promised her then that I wouldn't leave, and to her I broke that promise by leaving a few days ago.

To her, it doesn't matter that I always come back. She told me this morning that she doesn't trust me. I think she trusts her father even less, but it's easier to say it to me, since I won't turn around and beat her senseless. Not that he would now, but I think in her mind, she's 12 years old again, and I am him at that time.

Or all my thoughts are total bullshit. I don't know. But, at the very least, we're going to go to a different counselor. I'm hoping they can help both of us work through this. I know that I am at fault too. I really want my marriage to work.

D

HelenM

I'm glad she's willing to try that. Like you said, I hope you can find someone who can help you both. Actually, before that, I hope you can both agree on who to go to.

I think the pastor you saw before took the wrong approach in defending you to your wife. I expect she felt sided against. Hopefully you can find someone who neither of you will feel is taking the side of the other spouse. After all, the point is to get away from 'sides' and back to feeling that you're on the same team as your wife, sharing many of the same goals - in particular those relating to your marriage and your children.

take care
Helen

Bumble Bee Tuna

I'm happy things are working out better for you after that mix up, Darren.

But goddamnit, I am starting to get pissed off reading your situation. How many times do people have to tell you "GET A LAWYER, COLLECT THIS EVIDENCE" before you will take some precautions? Honestly I read through this whole recent thing and was very scared for you because I thought "Well, shit, the divorce is coming, and Darren hasn't done jack shit to prepare for it". Women and theists have the natural advantage when it comes to divorce proceedings! Do you not want to be with your children? YOU COULD LOSE YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR HOME. Divorce is a serious thing. You need to collect evidence to make your case ROCK SOLID. Honestly I hope you've been doing this and you've just neglected to tell us, but honestly it's really pissing me off because you care about your kids and I don't want to see you lose them.
So I will say it one more time:

Consult with a goddamn lawyer.

Keep records of everything she does. Keep those emails. Keep those phone messages. Find out what you can do from the lawyer.

I understand you don't want to do this. Doing it surely seems like giving up and that is probably an incredibly scary thought. If you're anything like me, you're just ignoring it because you don't want to face the prospect of this. Well, after you said this:

I can only hope that now you've experienced it and you have nothing to hide from. I realize you mentioned in your recent posts that you will consult a lawyer, and you have some phone records...but that was pre-makeup, and I want to be certain you still intend to do these things.


That being said, I am very proud of you for controlling yourself to the point where your calmness aggravated her. You are getting there. Just keep working on being the calm one. You keep dreading a fight in front of your children. If such an event ever occurs, please please please stay calm, refuse to drop to her level. Your kids will recognize.

Well anyway I wish you the best of luck and please please please please please get a lawyer. I would be willing like someone suggested a long time ago to contribute money if money is any kind of issue towards your seeking legal advice.

-B

jj

What he said, and in 48 point Times Headline Bold.

BadBadBad

Talking to a lawyer is probably a good idea, but it's not over until it's over.

JCS

Broken windshield, burning guitar, radical mood swings, forgotten conversations and she has issues with trusting you? I sure hope you didn't bite into that apple.

I have followed this from the beginning. You need to do two things straight up. Contact a lawyer and get yourself into counseling right away. Ignore her problems for a second and examine your own. Re-read this complete thread. You are repeating the same shit over and over. Maybe counseling can help YOU figure out why you cannot break the cycle. Show some back bone, take action now or just sit there and watch as your world turns to shit. Complaining is one thing but failure to act is just being irresponsible. Your whole family deserves better and if you don't take action who will?
:boohoo:

Vicar Philip

BBT,

I'm NOT a dumbass. You can stop getting pissed off. I have:

1) Saved this entire thread on my computer.
2) Saved every e-mail throughout this ordeal.
3) Saved numerous voice mail messages from her.
4) Recorded one of our conversations where she refused to negotiate.
5) Taken pictures of the burned guitar.

So get off my ASS.

No, I don't want it to happen, but if it does, I will be prepared.