Freethought & Rationalism Archive

JonathanChance · 03-18-2003, 07:02 PM

have a look at this one. Id does not look like godspam at first, but it's still godspam.

Quote:

INSTALLING LOVE....

Tech Support: Yes Ma'am... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart, ma'am?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past/Hurt, Low Self-esteem, Grudge, and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past/Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-esteem with a module of its own called High Self-esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off, ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have completely erased.

Customer: Okay, ....done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error -- program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry ma'am. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Can you pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and, Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, .done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming.

Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-criticism from all directories, and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey!!! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor, and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others, it takes awhile, but eventually, everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running.

One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: I promise to do just that. By the way, what's your name?

Tech Support: Just call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as the Great Physician, or, just, "I AM." Most people feel that all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy; but, the manufacturer (ME) suggests a daily maintenance schedule for maximum Love efficiency.

=============================

MINISTRY OF ENCOURAGEMENT

=============================

Should be good for a laugh or two.

ebolamonger · 03-18-2003, 07:51 PM

how can adult human beings actually like and believe this kind of sappy kindergarten shit? yeesh.

simian · 03-19-2003, 06:16 AM

Ah yes, when I see a fundamentalist Christian woman, I see lots of high self-esteem. They are clearly their own person.

Simian

Shake · 03-21-2003, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by simian
Ah yes, when I see a fundamentalist Christian woman, I see lots of high self-esteem. They are clearly their own person.

Simian

... or those married to the Promise Keepers who are "gracefully submitting themselves" to their husbands.

braces_for_impact · 03-21-2003, 02:32 PM

What crap! This is obviously microsoft software. This will only run on a very simple system with almost NO memory. You run this software on a sophisticated system and it will impair your logic files to the point that soon enough your system won't know the difference between real and virtual memory, processing speed will suffer, and communication to the output modules becomes very difficult unless someone else is running the same program. Hell, some versions of this program are like a trojan virus. Once installed, there's not much room for anything else. Soon enough, your memory is gone and you don't even have a functional operating system.

Slavik91 · 03-23-2003, 07:06 PM

Got bored, wipped this up.

Quote:

INSTALLING LOGIC.....

Tech Support: Yes Ma'am... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Logic. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open H:/Head/Brain. Can you find it?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Logic while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let's see, I have Circular Reasoning, Religion, Intellectual Stubbornness and New Idea Blocking running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Logic will gradually erase Religion from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Logic will eventually override Circular Reasoning with a module of its own called Logical Reasoning. However, you have to completely turn off Intellectual Stubbornness and New Idea Blocking. Those programs prevent Logic from being properly installed. Can you turn those off, ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Higher Education. Do this as many times as necessary until Intellectual Stubbornness and New Idea Blocking have completely erased.

Customer: Okay, ....done! Logic has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Brains in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error -- program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry ma'am. It means that the Logic program is set up to run on Internal Brains, but has not yet been run on your Brain. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to use Logic on your own situation before you can use it on other�s situations.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Can you pull down Thinking Parameters; then click on the following files: Objective Reasoning; Self Examine; and Acknowledge your Mistakes.

Customer: Okay, .done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Brain" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming.

Also, you need to delete Blind Acceptance from all directories, and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey!!! My Brain is filling up with new files. Scan Environment is running from my Optical Sensors, and Critical Thought is copying its self all over My Brain. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others, it takes awhile, but eventually, everything gets it at the proper time. So Logic is installed and running.

One more thing before we hang up. Logic is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: I promise to do just that. By the way, what's your name?

Tech Support: Just call me the Reasoned Neurosurgeon, also known as the Great Scientist, or, just, "AM I?" Most people feel that all they need is an annual check-up to stay Brain-healthy; but, the manufacturer (PARENTS, INC) suggests a daily maintenance schedule and informational input for maximum Logic efficiency.

=============================

MINISTRY OF REALITY

=============================

beekay · 03-24-2003, 03:47 AM

Slavik91, excellent response! I bow to you ... :notworthy

bbleier · 03-27-2003, 08:52 PM

Customer: What's your name?

Tech Support: Just call me the Divine Dumbass. Now you must hit yourself with a hammer until you believe in the Almighty Jebus(Homer Simpson). Most people feel that all they need is an annual checkup to stay dumb; but, the manufacturer (Jebus) suggests a daily maintenance schedule for maximum supidity.

Customer: I promise to do just that.

Tech Support: Good christian

:notworthy

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03-18-2003, 07:51 PM	#2
ebolamonger Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: San Francisco, CA, USA Posts: 685	how can adult human beings actually like and believe this kind of sappy kindergarten shit? yeesh.

03-19-2003, 06:16 AM	#3
simian Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: St. Louis, MO area Posts: 1,924	Ah yes, when I see a fundamentalist Christian woman, I see lots of high self-esteem. They are clearly their own person. Simian

03-21-2003, 02:32 PM	#5
braces_for_impact Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: In a nondescript, black helicopter. Posts: 6,637	What crap! This is obviously microsoft software. This will only run on a very simple system with almost NO memory. You run this software on a sophisticated system and it will impair your logic files to the point that soon enough your system won't know the difference between real and virtual memory, processing speed will suffer, and communication to the output modules becomes very difficult unless someone else is running the same program. Hell, some versions of this program are like a trojan virus. Once installed, there's not much room for anything else. Soon enough, your memory is gone and you don't even have a functional operating system.

03-24-2003, 03:47 AM	#7
beekay Regular Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Western North Carolina Posts: 121	Slavik91, excellent response! I bow to you ... :notworthy

03-27-2003, 08:52 PM	#8
bbleier Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Here Posts: 27	Customer: What's your name? Tech Support: Just call me the Divine Dumbass. Now you must hit yourself with a hammer until you believe in the Almighty Jebus(Homer Simpson). Most people feel that all they need is an annual checkup to stay dumb; but, the manufacturer (Jebus) suggests a daily maintenance schedule for maximum supidity. Customer: I promise to do just that. Tech Support: Good christian :notworthy

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