Babylon Sister

No more calls please. We have a winner!

brighid

Your friend is being played! This guy could tell her whatever it is she needs to hear in order that he gain her trust so can later take advantage of her vulnerabilities!

She is a fool to believe that he has "reformed" just from conversations.

Why do people fall for this crap?

Hopefully she will realize that he likely doesn't give a shit about her BEFORE he abuses her trust, or worse.

Brighid

Derec

I feel sorry for your friend. Hopefully she will realize the mistake she is making before he takes advantage of her.

That is what happens when people look for people sharing their faith first and when they think that they are good people merely becasue of conversion.
Paul should have said "... and be not unequally yoked with bank robbers" or something.

How good a friend are you? Is she likely to get angry if you bring this topic up and try to point out to her that it is likely not a very good idea. Maybe backed up with some examples in this thread.

Good luck!

UMoC

capsaicin67

Once released the gals will never hear from them again.

The lucky ones, that is.......

People have different motivations for embracing religion, and not all of them are malevolent certainly, even if misguided. But individuals with personality disorders [sociopaths, antisocials etc]recognize that religion is a fantastic weapon and can be used to disengage any outside skepticism about their prior pattern of behavior that a clear-thinking person should see as a huge red flag. Religion is also great camoflage and provides a lush environment of potential victims----people that streetwise individuals instinctively sense are denial freaks and thus have huge blindspots in critical thinking and judgement. And codependent types. In a word, vulnerable. It's a great place for wolves in sheep's clothing. Antisocial [again, not as in "stays away from people", but as in the predatory DSM-R disorder] bullshit artists have a good friend in Jesus.

Speaking to your friend's vulnerability.

Everyone deserves to fall in love and have it reciprocated. But one of the biggest lies we are told and tell ourselves is that this makes it any more likely to happen or that looks don't matter or that some are not going to have to be a bit more vigilant about the motives of suitors.

People do occasionally dig each other for "who they are" and their "personality" or "great character". And even tho there might potentially be "someone out there" for most people [someone that would potentially be a good match] it doesn't mean we have the luxury of assuming that we will find that person just because we want or need it. And it definitely doesn't excuse a lack of good management and choicemaking with respect to health and safety issues. Personally, my observation would be that anyone that has a significant legal history, history of violence or significant dishonesty,or that you catch in a lie [I'm not referring to the "what I got you for Xmas variety"], or has a significant history of resorting to denial, are big redflags. Never hook-up assuming that someone's core coping mechanisms or patterns of behavior are going to change, especially as a result of romance or religion. It could theoretically happen, sure, but I think its extremely unlikely and can be a very unsafe and expensive mistake if the gamble does not pay off. In short, prison is not a place to look for safe, stable, healthy relationships. The outside ain't so hot either, but at least you're selcting from a larger sample.

Just my perspective. I know most people have to decide for themselves.

Carrie

I never thought about him trying to play her. He really is convincing if he's just faking it. However, some other people in the church don't think he's really a Christian. But the pastor of the church she's in says it's okay for her to visit him, and the pastor thinks he's a sincere Christian. But the guy could be trying to fool the whole church! Get this, the church has been sending him money on occassion! And ya'll are right, it doesn't make sense that he'd want to date her. You can't have a decent relationship while in prison anyway. But for him, maybe it's better than nothing. It's quite possible he is just using her. I could say something to her, but I know she would be pissed. People have said stuff to her before, along the lines of, "do you think he's really sincere about being a Christian?" And she has always defended him. Well, I think in the end, in one way or another, she's going to get hurt. Even waiting ten years for a guy has got to suck, and it's stupid. She ought to be looking elsewhere. But get this, in the church she's in, you can only date guys that are in the same church, and the inmate she's seeing is a member of that church, so there ya go! Her options of guys to date are very limited, so she goes for a guy in prison. A lot of people in this church end up being single for a really long time, not even dating anyone for years. They are just expected to "serve the Lord and be happy in their situation." It's totally ridiculous.

Proxima Centauri

Get your friend to read, "Women who Love too Much" by Robin Norwood.
That will show her why she is choosing the wrong type of man.

Godless Dave

I would change "quite possible" to "very likely". I mean, we already know he's a criminal. What's he in for? Terre Haute is as you say a maximum security federal prison. They don't put you in there just for cheating on your taxes or robbing a liquor store.

Try to find some archives of Ann Landers or Dear Abby. I read them for years and I remember many letters from women who fell for this and lived to regret it. It was one of Ann's recurring themes, right up there with letters to and from "the other woman" and people who have trouble using public restrooms.

Viti

More recommended reading: The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker

Shake

[optimist hat on]
I suppose it is possible that in his new found Fundyism, he is being sincere.
[optimist hat off]

That said, I will echo the concerns of Babylon Sister and atheistdave: that being that I have also heard, on this very board IIRC, stories of ordinary folks being taken by cons in prison and giving them money, clothes, etc., and when they're finally released, you guessed it, they're history! Gone. This leaves the ordinary folks out money, having wasted time, and feelings hurt. I'm not gonna go quite so far as to say she should run as others have, but I'll suggest that she should be very careful. In an ideal world, ex-cons would be rehabilitated (OK, in a truly ideal world there'd be no crime, but...) and we'd be able to completely trust them once they were released. However, as stats (above) have shown, there is a high percentage of cons who go back to their old ways once they get out.

Carrie

I'll get her the books. She won't like it. But oh well. Sounds like she needs it, for her own good.