Secular Elation

"You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus."

"You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum."

"My love for you is a monotonic increasing function of time."

"Wanna come back to my room and see my copy of Euclid's Elements?"

"I am equivalent to the Empty Set when you are not with me."

And my favorite...

"Are you a differentiable function? Because I'd like to be tangent to your curves!"

ajm51987

Groan heh heh

Friar Bellows

Or you could sing her a song:

"But I would walk aleph-null miles
And I would walk aleph-null more
Just to be the man who walked aleph-null miles
To fall down at your door..."

(apologies to The Proclaimers)

Feather

"No, that's not a delta function in my pants; I'm just happy to see you."

(I win)

LeftCoast

This is not original - I first came across this little gem when I was an undergraduate (late 1970's), and I'm sure that it's far older than that.....

With that asside, on with our tale.....

Once upon a time (1/t), pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent and her mother made it an absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements.

Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, three branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point, she tripped over a square root which was protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once more she found herself, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean space.

She was being watched however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear co-ordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. "Was she convergent?", he wondered. He decided to integrate improperly at once.

Hearing a vulgar fraction behind her, Polly turned round and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once, by his degenerate conic and his dissipative terms that he was bent on no good.

"Eureka!" she gasped.

"Ho Ho!" he said. "What a symmetric little polynomial you are. I can see you're absolutely bubbling over with secs."

"O sir," she protested, "keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets on."

"Calm yourself, my dear," said the suave operator, "your fears are purely imaginary".

"i,i," she thought. "Perhaps he's homogeneous then?"

"What order are you?" the brute demanded.

"Seventeen," replied Polly.

Curly leered. "I suppose you have never been operated on yet?" he said.

"Of course not," Polly cried indignantly. "I'm absolutely convergent".

"Come, come," said Curly. "Let's off to a decimal place I know and I'll take you to the limit".

"Never!" gasped Polly.

"EXCHLF!" he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began smoothing her points of inflection. Poor Polly. All was up. She felt his hand tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.

There was no mercy, for Curly was a Heavyside operator. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast even went all the way round and did a contour integration. What an indignity! To be multiply connected on her first integration! Curly went on operating until he was absolutely and completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that evening, her mother noticed that she had been truncated in several places. But it was too late to differentiate now. As the months went by, Polly increased monotonically. Finally she generated a small but pathological function which left surds all over the place until she was driven to distraction.

The moral of our sad story is this: if you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.

Unsinkable

Or, for those who do not know much math:
Let's add my room
subtract your clothes
divide your legs
and multiply

Colander of Truth

The square of the hair is equal to the heat of the meat, plus pie.

Said by a younger man to a prospective date: 25 goes into 40 a lot easier than 40 into 25.

The Naked Mage

"Hey there, need someone to eat your Pi?"

Shake

OK, not a pick-up line but this reminded me of a similar song:

"Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
Aleph-null bottles of beer.
Take one down, pass it around,
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall ..."

You could also use a lower-case omega.

Shadowy Man

I like this one too, but how about as:

"Is your function differentiable? Because I'd like to be tangent to your curves!"