General Zod

I'd discuss it with them and tolerate whatever he/she decided, including an irrational decision (I.E. "I 'feel better' going to church), and take them there myself. Unless, as some others have stated, he/she began to espouse how hellbound I was or how he/she was giving his paycheck to the Mormon Temple nearby or such. Even then, he/she has the right to believe that I'm wrong, just not the right to be deliberately disrespectful or to give away his/her own resources to a cult.

agapeo

Hi General,
What would be your reason for going? I can see how that might be supportive to them but it also may give them a wrong impression. Especially if they were overly zealous about your involvement. It seems more appropriate that you should respect each other's position and simply let him/her know that it's not for you. Besides there's always the danger of you being converted.
That could be a problem, but one which I think an understanding and supportive parent would be able to avoid. I know from personal experience (and I realize it just happens to be mine) that initially I was overly zealous in trying to "convert" my brothers over. (This when I was a teenager - 16 to be exact) and quickly learned that I'd better keep my mouth shut. They weren't intolerant of me but made it clear that the "religious" talk had to stop. So I stopped.
I agree with ya here. I would wonder though why they would suddenly start being disrespectful to you.
Do you use this term in a broad sense of any Christian group or the ones on the fringe? In any case I would think that if it's their money which was earned by their labors you shouldn't have to much to object to if they chose to give it away to the church of their choosing. Would you feel the same way if they gave it to the homeless?

sighhswolf

Agapeo,
Please remember I am only giving an opinion based on my experience with 5 kids.
It is far too often in our society that parents
will stand with a pointed finger and the
"Damn it, I told you so", attitude.
We think that because we are older and "parents" that we are somehow more intelligent, and that is just not always the case.
Experience does not necessarily make you "smarter" it only gives you more options to consider.
"Unhappiness" would indicate that there were results of a certain action or inaction that were undesirable.
Those undesirable results could be manifest in many ways other than just unhappiness, and could include any number of "tolls" or "consequences".

Those may include mental stress, financial stress,
alienation from friends or family the list is endless.
The support comes from the acceptance of the situation without the Judgemental assignment of "blame", it comes from the acceptance that our children are our children no matter what they do or dont do.
We may as parents disfavor the deed, the situation, but we must show the child that we love them always and that there is no "price" for that love.
We should try to provide whatever is necessary for their support whether it is a shoulder to cry on, food to eat or money to help if possible,
or just be a very good listener.
In some cases it may require even more support such as lawyers (we hope that never happens).

The message is "We are here for you, no matter
what happens, no matter how strained our relationship may be, if you need us....we are here."
And the real kicker is we dont have to agree on one single issue as parent and child, but that will never diminish our love for them.

Maybe that doesnt answer your question, but it's as close as I can get.
Wolf

sighhswolf

One more comment: I can think of a lot worse situations than a kid saying Dad I have become a christian cant all of you?

agapeo

Well said Sightwolf! I agree with you 100%. It's not an easy thing to do as a parent to watch your children struggle with their beliefs. For that matter it's not easy to see your children to struggle with anything. In our eagerness to make the struggle easier for them we sometimes just make it harder. Now I approach this from a theist's perspective in seeing a child, (I think the term is) "deconvert" from the "religion" you brought them up in. It can be a difficult situation and one that can cause one to react out of fear and guilt. On the atheiastic side it's difficult for me to imagine but, I would imagine that it would be a similiar feeling of "Did I do something wrong in raising them." Of course I wouldn't know for sure since I haven't been an atheist since I was 15.

In the case of my own Son, my main interest is in his happiness. If he can be happier with choosing not to believe what I've taught him all these years then I can live with that. I can't live his life for him. And even if he were to have times of struggle as a result of his decision I would never tell him "I told you so!" What good would that possibly do?

Thanks for your response!

Albion

My mother was a very aggressive atheist (is thre such a thing as an atheist fundie?), at least partly because she was reacting against her mother, who was a Christian fundamentalist. As a result of all this dogmatic extremism on both sides, I'd be inclined to give a kid a fair bit of leeway as far as his/her beliefs were concerned.

However, I remember the first time I came across Christian fundies at college - they were relentless in their pursuit of converts and none too above-board about their methods. If a child of mine who was under age was exposed to that sort of pressure, I'd be in there doing what I could to counteract it.

god-free-pen

Starboy:

"If you are an atheist and your children become Christians, it is because you have not educated them, you have not passed your values onto your children. Once you see Christianity for the fraud it is, it is hard to see how anyone could become a Christian or remain a Christian."
____________________________________________

How true! They have a bad habit of indoctrinating them while they're very young. The adult then doesn't know what hit him or his subconscious mind.

Once we got home after the visit to the psychiatrist we would have rational discussions about how he or she came to their conclusions. I would point out the terrible damage religion has done to the human mind and how religion is the problem...not the solution to anything.

May I add: which relgion thinks it has the right to destroy the lifestyle and beliefs of aboriginal people all over the world?

Which religion was responsible for the rack, the iron maiden, the torture, hanging and burning of thousands of people?.. and

Which religion has many members who would, I believe, do it again if they could get away with it?

HelenM

You'd force your child to go see a psychiatrist? Simply because they had decided against your belief system (or lack thereof)?

You were kidding, I hope...

Starboy

That is a good question. If a person started believing in imaginary things and decided to devote their entire life to these imaginings, under those conditions most people wouldn't think twice about seeking help. If it is the lunacy of Christianity on the otherhand, it is OK. Fancy that.

Starboy

Sephiroth

I don't intend to have kids but in the hypothetical situation that I did, I wouldn't mind. Of course, if they constantly preached, condemned me to hell, etc., then eventually I would take some disciplinary action but that would be due to behavior, not religion.

Out of curiosity Helen, what would you do if your kids became atheists? Just curious, I won't debate your answer.