raindropple

Although it is prefered by many that the daughters should not get pregnant when not married I would like to know which option would a parent prefer if this event should occur:

1. The father is a teenager like your daughter with no real qualification yet and cannot support the kid and your daughter though they two teenagers are really inlove.

2. The father is an older guy with a qualification and he can support a family and the two are really inlove.

Thanks

nyx

Regardless of the father's age, I would prefer my daughter choose an abortion.

Nyx

raindropple

What if your daughter really wants this kid?

Kuu

I don't think I would encourage an abortion even though I am pro-choice. I would hope that I would be willing to help my daughter look after the child so that she could continue with her studies. I would make sure she took a fair share of the workload of looking after the baby.

I wouldn't want her to get married to soon, I would prefer her to have the baby and see how her relationship goes after that.

Alonzo Fyfe

I would not encourage an abortion either.

I am a rare type of individual who is both pro-choice and pro-life. The fetus (beyond the state of development where it can feel pain) is a PERSON.

However, no PERSON has the right to use another PERSON'S body without her consent, even if the use is unintentional.

So, it would be my daughter's choice to make. Not mine.

Mageth

It would be the daughter's choice. As such, I would make sure she understood all of her options.

One thing no one has mentioned is adoption. Similar to Alonzo Fife, I'm pro-choice, but if I had to choose, I don't think I would choose abortion. However, the situation Kuu describes with trying to raise the child in the family may not be the best solution. An adoption plan (in most cases, preferably open adoption) may be in the best interest of the child, as well as the birth mother.

Note that it's important that the birth mother is not pushed or coerced in any way into choosing to make an adoption plan. If a minor birth mother can show she was coerced or pushed into choosing adoption (by her parents, a counselor, or even the adoptive parents), she may be able to nullify the adoption and regain custody of the child, even years after the adoption was finalized.

[ August 09, 2002: Message edited by: Mageth ]

[ August 09, 2002: Message edited by: Mageth ]</p>

ohwilleke

Both options are far superior to the far more common case in which teenage girl gets pregnant, and the father is much older, totally worthless (or married with children, hence casting serious doubts on his character), and they are no longer in love by the time the child is born.

I would favor marriage in both cases described above, and would not favor abortion in counseling my daughter. The biggest issue between the two cases is doubts about how "in love" they really are for the long term. In the case where both are about the same age, the principle concern would be that this is a short lived crush, but being in love, is plausible. In the case of the big age difference, the concern about both of them actually being in love -- when lust might dissolve after a baby is born and leave them with little in common, is the big concern. I'm not sure we have enough facts to make a rational choice between the two options. The comparison people really make is much more nuanced.

Our economic system favors the older man marrying a younger woman, and for a long time it was accepted that young women should marry older successful men. This bias continues today (although it is strinking). For most of the past century, women have married men who average five years older than they are (despite the fact that women live longer on average), and a woman marrying a man even a few years younger raises eyebrows.

On the other hand, our statutory rape laws favor teenagers having sex with men their own age, out of concern about girls being exploited by older men.

tronvillain

Well, since I plan on raising a daughter who would use birth control effectively I hope it never comes up, and I would definitely support having an abortion. Still, all things being equal I would go with the second option.

DMB

I think that ultimately the choice must be the daughter's. But parents have the obligation to help her explore the issues and the pros and cons of each choice.

I think the younger she is, the more strongly I would advise abortion. Although all abortions are a cause for regret, young girls are not normally ready for the physical stress of pregnancy and childbearing. It is in fact a major cause of maternal mortality and morbidity in developing countries. If she is still a child herself, she will probably have no idea of the responsibility involved. It would be a good thing to get her to meet other girls of her age who have babies and see what the consequences could be.

Marriages that happen mainly because a baby is on the way are quite likely to be ultimately unsuccessful. It is a bad reason for marriage. Now we no longer live in an age of shot-gun weddings, the prospective parents can afford the luxury of waiting to see how their relationship develops. The baby may act as an adhesive for the couple or it may drive them apart.

But whatever you do, don't just rely on your daughter's knowing about contraception. She needs to be warned about the strength of sexual feeling that can lead to unprotected intercourse. Is the "morning-after" pill available in your state? It is a good thing to make sure that teens know about this, otherwise referred to as "emergency contraception". If then something does go wrong with their contraceptive planning, your daughter can do something effective about it immediately, instead of sitting around crossing her fingers and hoping she won't have to tell you that she's pregnant.

Vibr8gKiwi

This is mostly a problem for children of theists. I know a lot of teen pregnancies and young shotgun weddings (including one of my brothers and a couple cousins) and they are ALL, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, kids of religious families. I'm not exaggerating when I say I hear about unfortunate pregnancies in the strict religious community I was raised in all the time.

Non-theists are much better at educating their children with the facts and making sure they have access to birth control. When the sex starts, mistakes are rare.

I recall my best friend's mother (a non-religious family) gave him condoms when he first started dating seriously in high school. I was blown away. I couldn't believe a mother would give her kid condoms! My friend thought it was weird too and was sure he wouldn't use them. But one night, several months later, he actually ended up needing those condoms and was glad he had them.

Of course at the same time, in my church, a couple of the girls got into trouble because they weren't prepared and neither were their dates. They were all good kids who were sure they were never going to have sex until they were married.

[ August 09, 2002: Message edited by: Vibr8gKiwi ]</p>