openeyes

I've hesitated getting involved in this discussion, but here I go for my two cents or so.

It seems to me that relationships between men and women are difficult because we are wired a little differently generally. These tendencies in different points of view based on gender developed over our evolutionary history. Our current society is quite different than the surroundings that shaped our evolution.

So these tendencies don't always fit with today's needs.

My experience is that atheist men still have men brains, and atheist women still have women brains, and despite their seeing the "god" question the same, some of the same old problems still exist.

BTW, I've been single for a decade, after being married for that amount of time. (My ex knew of my religious doubts all along, and I thought he was pretty much in the same place, but found out after his death that wasn't the story. It was not a contributing factor to our split.) While my ex was still alive and I had some days free, I tried the dating scene. Wasn't as forthright with my atheism then, but knew I needed to stay away from heavily religious types. Tended to run into all sorts of mismatches before religion was even an issue. Wasn't finding anybody that seemed to bring more to my life than what I'd have to give up. The men seemed to think for the most part that things were fine. . .

Had brunch recently with some single women (not atheists) of the same approximate age. All finding that life single seems to work better, that we just don't find enough of a common wavelength with most available men. Not opposed to a relationship should someone "right" come along, but not holding our breaths or not living our lives.

Xeluan

While evolution may have played apart in gender differences, I think culture must cop the blame with how relationships progress (or not progress as it may be).

Men and women are different. So what? The problem is that the gender differences are emphasized, agonized over, discussed to death etc. The dating game (and in a lot of cases simple everyday interaction between men and women) turns into a sexual battlefield.

It is probably my naive romantic tendencies overriding common sense but the problem is that men and women treat each other as a gender not a person.

I don't see how a meaningful relationship can develop when dating seems to involve so much deception, duplicity and coercion instead of actually getting to know this other person as a person not a means to an end.

Xeluan

Jobar

In my 47 years, I've never been married, but I have dated or had close relationships with many women. In fact, as many here already know, the latest relationship was with AspenMama. (The main reason that didn't work out, I think, is that I am a country boy, and she is a city girl, and neither of us would be happy in the other's preferred lifestyle.)

I've dated another atheist woman for a while; it was an utter disaster, and I can personally testify that just because both people are atheists there is no assurance of a workable relationship.

With that said though, I know that I could never be happy with a dedicated theist, particularly if she was a regular churchgoer.

I was deeply saddened that AspenMama and I did not work out; but I hope that she finds someone who can make her happy and be a good father for her children, just as I hope that I can find an unbelieving lady who will be happy living my own laid-back Southern lifestyle.

openeyes

I really think my "girlfriends" and I didn't start out treating men as a "gender"; it's that certain types of problems seem to surface often that can be attributed to a different point of view, a different expectation, a different ordering of priority (to name a few possible causes) that seem to exist between men and women.

Maybe because we all have been through at least one major relationship that disappointed us terribly, and smaller ones that didn't work either, that we're less romantic and more realistic than we were years ago.

Manta

Would that include being able to toss a towel over said Buddha statues, just in case ?

-K 'Don't Panic!'

AspenMama

I agree-- I know several gay couples who face the very same relationship issues and dating woes that straight couples deal with-- from the practical every day things-- cleaning house, budget talks--- to emotional needs.

Xeluan

Thanks for the comment AspenMama. I was considering asking a similar question - do gay couples face the same dating problems as straight couples - last night. I'd be interested if anyone has similar experiences/opinions.

Anyhoo, after 2 months of almost daily amusing emails, rambling phone calls, witty SMS messages and failed attempts at being in the same place as the same time, I'm finally meeting a lovely lass tonight (no, she isn't a Mormon). A mixture of curiosity, trepidation, terror and excitement is me.

Xeluan

AspenMama

Best of luck to you!! I so know that feeling. Several weeks ago I met someone for a first date under very similar circumstances-- and ended up a blathering idiot in the emergency room due to a bad oyster.... long story. He was a gentleman all the way but things didn't last beyond a few dates.

I've had a much better first date since then though.

Kosh

Don't sell yourself short. You're kinda cute when you're blathering!

Xeluan

Well, I'm back from the date (if Infidels care).

And it went well. Quite well. If anyone remembers this thread from last year you'll understand that the pagan girl is way ahead.

Long ways to go. She is lovely. Bought me beer, talked all night and we only left the pub cause we got kicked out. Then an extended hug and kiss.

I emphasize it is early days but for a first date it went real well.

Xeluan the Happy

PS I won't be in Glebe Sat. Sorry ju'iblex. I'll know you'll be upset. As for the other Infidels, you'll have to find someone else for the drunk Infidel.