Aerion

I'm encouraged that your wife doesn't seem inclined to act rashly and kick you out. I think time is on your side and the pastor postponing the session works to your advantage as long as she is willing to wait until after counceling before doing anything drastic.

I would further recommend you follow my previous advice and do everything you can to avoid talking about religion with your wife if at all possible. When she brings it up, find a way to gracefully change the subject ASAP. Discussing religion will only inflame her and worsten your chances of preserving your marriage.

The longer she lives with you in peace the more likely she will learn to accept your beliefs. The best chance your marriage has is if she becomes comfortable with you and your new beliefs and time is the best weapon you have.

Good luck to you!

Vicar Philip

Update

Sunday night after my wife arrived home from work, we talked some more. We had planned to go out and eat with some friends Monday night, but before she'd gone to work Sunday I told her she was on her own. I also added, "Maybe you can find a nice Christian man to go with you."

Anyway, Sunday night late we hashed it out a little more and finally came to an agreement. I told her she was not allowed to talk about "when I'm (she's) gone...." anymore until we see a marriage counselor, and I would agree to be with her socially and.. er.. you know.

We haven't really had any bumps to speak of, except yesterday. I was reading a Robert Ingersoll book, and accidentally left it on a bookshelf in the hallway. It was sitting there for a couple of days, and she saw it. She told me I was lucky she didn't shred it. Now there's an open mind for you. I apologized for leaving it somewhere the kids could find it (they didn't), and we've been ok since.

I don't really know how long it's going to take to get back to some semblance of "normal." We always seem to have a slight tension between us, like good ol' smokin' Jebus is sitting there passing gas and belching. She actually visited a website about evolution I recommended to her. That's got to be a good sign. Here's the link if you're interested.

Darren

Aerion

Bad, Darren! Bad!

Seriously, I understand your frustration and your need to lash out sometimes, but saying things like this really doesn't help you at all.

Be calm, be smart and be patient, my friend.

Splat

Setting a few ground rules is a good strategic move Darren. The fact that she agreed to it is a hopeful sign.

I have to agree with your wife on that one. Ingersoll is full of all sorts of unpleasant stuff that kids shouldn't read: mass destruction, rape, incest, murd--oops: I'm thinking of the Bible. Nevermind.

"Normal" may be a ways off, but keep working on it.

Has anybody heard from bretc? I wonder how he's doing?

HelenM

If you can both live with that until you see someone, that's great . I hope that having that agreement will help.

take care
Helen

southernhybrid

That's a little bit of progress. I hope more will follow.

Proxima Centauri

I'm sure I'm not biased in favour of Christians. Sec Webbers who see many of my other posts will realize that.
Despite that not all Christians are incompetent of evil. The pastor has experience reconciling partners in difficult marriages and I hope he can help.
Let us know what happens, Darren.

Proxima Centauri

There are two points I would like to make.
The first is that she tries to say the only thing stopping her leaving you is the financial situation. Earlier you said she hugged you and afterwards said she just did it to feel the warmth of your body. Are you sure she's not just saying these things to try and force you back to Jebus? At least she now has a motive to stay with you and I suspect once she has adjusted to your deconversion she will see again that you have other manly virtues as well as your ability to pay bills.
My second point is that you may be able to prevent these three hour bullshit sessions.
If she lays into you again try and listen calmly until she runs out of steam. Wait till there has been a short gap in the conversation and then make a short reasonable reply. If she lays into you again, even if she interrupts and lays into you, repeat the process. Don'ty reply till there has been a short gap in the conversion.
That should help keep the conversations calmer.

Proxima Centauri

You stand a chance of deconverting your wife don't rely in it but you could, X-Xian. Don't let it become too much of a big deal.
<a href="http://iidb.org/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=55&t=000786&p=" target="_blank">See this discussion thread.</a>

Vicar Philip

Been kinda quiet on the religious front, thank.. er...

Last night we were coming home from the store, and my 8-year old daughter asked my wife why the earth spins. She told her that as far as we know all the planets and suns spin, and that god had made them that way, and she looked at me and said, "Isn't that right Daddy??" I said "I'm keeping my damn mouth shut."

At first take I was kind of pissed about it, because it seemed she was flaunting her little god-trip in my face. But, as someone said earlier, the power and strength lies in NOT snapping back and being nasty, but rather thinking it through and giving a calm, rational answer.

So, I searched the internet for my daughter's question, and was actually kind of surprised to find that scientists really aren't sure why the Earth spins, or any of the other planets/suns. They attribute it to "angular velocity" which came about during the formation of the various planets, but qualify that theory as only a possibility.

Anyway, to get back to the POINT, I explained to my daughter this morning what I had learned, but I did NOT discredit what my wife had said. I just gave her my opinion and left it at that.

My wife is still telling some of her friends she can't stay with me as an atheist, but we have stopped arguing about it. I was encouraged by talking to her dad, who told me he would personally give her "what for" if she ever tried busting up our family. So I think time is on my side.

Talk to ya later.

Vicar Philip aka x-xian aka Darren