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Old 09-07-2002, 09:22 AM   #1
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Post Cats are eeeevil

At least, according to this Jehovah's Witness:

<a href="http://www.angelfire.com/ky/proclaimer/cat.htm" target="_blank">Are cats for true christians?</a>
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Old 09-07-2002, 09:52 AM   #2
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Well I have a cat. They're pretty cool
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Old 09-07-2002, 10:27 AM   #3
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Additionally, cats practice many unclean habits not befitting a Christian household: coughing up fur balls, licking inappropriate body areas on their own bodies (inappropriate handling) and even, in some cases, on the bodies of their human owners (wrongful motive?), urination on the floor, vocal and blatant promiscuity (unknown to any other species, all others being endowed with Godly chastity and decorum) and widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony, even orgiastic practices, substance abuse of catnip (an intoxicating herb) which produces conditions akin to drunkenness, stealing food from the table, producing ungodly sounds, excessive playfulness and the employment of devices not known to have been used by Jesus, the conducting of its unholy business under the cover of the darkness of night, and so on. What sort of example does this give our young ones endeavoring to faithfully serve Jehovah? The Bible clearly shows that 'neither fornicators .. nor thieves .. nor drunkards .. nor revilers .. will inherit the Kingdom.' (1 Cor. 6:9-11)


[ September 07, 2002: Message edited by: Matt ]</p>
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Old 09-07-2002, 10:33 AM   #4
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Haha, holee she-ite, Matt, I can only agree with the ROFL. What is wrong with some people?!
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Old 09-07-2002, 11:31 AM   #5
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Well, of course cats are evil! They make me sneeze!
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Old 09-07-2002, 11:43 AM   #6
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Sister N.K. from Virginia, U.S.A. tells us that since getting rid of her cat, she has not had to be preoccupied with cleaning the litter box or wasting valuable time better spent pursuing kingdom interests with the burden of purchasing cat food. This has allowed her to become a full-time pioneer; she finds that it is now easier to meet her allotted hours in field service.
Those Satanic cat butts!

[ September 07, 2002: Message edited by: bonduca ]</p>
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Old 09-07-2002, 12:46 PM   #7
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You wouldn't want to wish an owner like that on any self-respecting cat!
 
Old 09-07-2002, 01:22 PM   #8
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I wonder what these guys think about dogs -- some of their habits must be equally disconcerting, like licking their testicles and sniffing each other's rear ends.

But being anti-cat is in character with the Jehovah's Witnesses, who believe that birthdays are pagan holidays.
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Old 09-07-2002, 01:27 PM   #9
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Originally posted by lpetrich:
<strong>I wonder what these guys think about dogs -- some of their habits must be equally disconcerting, like licking their testicles and sniffing each other's rear ends.</strong>
Not to mention the traditional humping of legs and furniture.

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<strong>But being anti-cat is in character with the Jehovah's Witnesses, who believe that birthdays are pagan holidays.</strong>
What a joyful bunch they must be. No wonder they are up so darned early to ring my doorbell. With no pets and little cake, what else is there to do?


[ September 07, 2002: Message edited by: bonduca ]</p>
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Old 09-07-2002, 02:45 PM   #10
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Many conscientious ones among Jehovah's people today have wondered if Christians should own cats in view of their somewhat sordid symbolic history . . .


Yes, let's blame these insentient animals for the silly things that humans have thought about them over the centuries.


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When analyzed with the Latin 'felis cattus domesticus', the original Koine Greek is 'cur.io huma bes-tia', means 'a contemporary housecat with all of its beastly identifying characteristics and behavior.' A faithful servant of Jehovah would quickly notice that the nature of a cat is so marked as being 'beastly'. The Bible makes clear reference to this condition when describing parts of Satan's organizations, both past and present.
Humans are eutherian mammals -- from the Greek ther, meaning "beast". Oops.


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Indeed, modern studies of classification of cats, while not necessarily being reliable as they may be based on the discredited 'theory' of evolution, strongly associate felines with serpents (despite some external differences in physiology and morphology, which confuse those who do not study these matters deeply).
So, cats are really reptiles, and not mammals? I guess I should learn not to be fooled by those minor physiological and morphological differences like legs, fur, endothermy, mammary glands, synapsid skulls, fused dentary bones, placentas, heterodonty, four-chambered hearts, etc., etc., etc. [Classification is so much easier if you throw out the "discredited 'theory' of evolution" and just make it up as you go.]


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'(1) Abstain from sacrifices to idols'. We are to 'guard ourselves from idols' and 'worship no other gods'. Such feline influence could lead to idolatry and thereby 'grieve Jehovah's Spirit' with tragic consequences.
Yes, my cat is always demanding that I sacrifice virgins to her.


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May we never take for granted Jehovah's wise and generous counsel brought to you by your spiritual brothers in the pages of this magazine!
The "wise counsel" of the same God who says that anyone who wears cloth woven from two different kinds of thread is worthy of death? The "generous counsel" of the same God who condemns the entire human race because two people ate some fruit several thousand years ago?


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To invite cats in our house is to toy with disaster. Can one deny that the chance exists that the same grave consequences could visit your home that fell upon John?
It's true! I heard from my best friend's sister's babysitter's third cousin twice removed about this guy who got a pet cat, and shortly thereafter somebody chopped off his head and had it served on a platter!


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Throughout history, particularly in the middle ages and reaching its climax in the Salem Witch trials of the seventeenth century, cats were recognized by the forces of Christendom as familiars and carriers if not direct incarnates of demons.
During the worst outbreaks of the Bubonic Plague in the middle ages, people were often desperate to find someone to blame for the tragedy. Since cats were viewed as vaguely suspicious, one "solution" was to kill every cat they could find. Of course, in reality, the plague was spread by fleas carried by rats. It has been argued that by killing the cats that preyed upon the flea-infested rats, people made the plagues much worse than they would otherwise have been. How's that for historical irony?


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While, in common with most beliefs of the empire of false religion, no evidence has ever been found to support this . . .
Not that we're going to let a little thing like a total lack of evidence interfere with our beliefs.

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. . . the symbolism of cats still remain within the public psyche, and involvement with them reflects poorly on God's footstools and footstep followers.
Why anyone would aspire to be a "footstool" is utterly beyond me. Geez, have a little self-respect!

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Many pagan faiths still conclude that black cats bring ill-luck and possess demonic forces, while we have shown that it is, instead, all cats that share these perceived characteristics.
Our beliefs are much more sophisticated than the beliefs of those silly, superstitious pagans.


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Would we want to be linked with a symbol of Satan, the 'god of this beastly system of things'?
And don't forget to boycott Proctor and Gamble!


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The Bible makes clear that God's people are 'no part of this world' (John 15:19)
You know, after reading this essay, I've been wondering what planet the writer was from.


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And, it is a well-known fact that cats are impossible to tame, teach or raise in the truth.
It's true! My cat's arithmetic skills are terrible, and he can't type worth beans!


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The cat has a rebellious, independent spirit.
Unlike good Christians.


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While the animal itself may be unaware of this tragic condition, it serves only its true master - Satan, the Devil.
It's true! I caught my cat drawing pentagrams just last night.


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The scriptures clearly indicate that neither Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, faithful Job, the Apostles, Jesus nor any other human bearing God's favor himself owned a cat. Should we simply assume that this is a mere coincidence? Surely not!
They never owned goldfish, either -- proof that goldfish are evil!


Quote:
Recently the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) announced that 'Cats .. can shed Salmonella in their feces, which can spread the bacterial infection to humans'.
The feces of True Christians, of course, never contain any pathogenic organisms.


Quote:
Additionally, cats practice many unclean habits not befitting a Christian household: coughing up fur balls,


They do this on purpose, of course, just because they're evil!


Quote:
. . . licking inappropriate body areas on their own bodies (inappropriate handling) and even, in some cases, on the bodies of their human owners (wrongful motive?)
A dog would never engage in such disgusting behavior, of course.

Get your stinkin' tongue off of me, you damn dirty cat!


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. . . vocal and blatant promiscuity (unknown to any other species, all others being endowed with Godly chastity and decorum) . . .
Don't get out much, do you?


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. . . and widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony,
Why, just the other day, I was a guest of honour at my hampsters' wedding.


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. . . stealing food from the table,
Bad kitty! Go to Hell!


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. . .producing ungodly sounds . . .
Have you sat in on choir practice?


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. . . excessive playfulness . . .


Damn them all! Damn them all to Hell for enjoying their lives!


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. . . and the employment of devices not known to have been used by Jesus . . .
Jesus wouldn't have been caught dead with a rubber mouse.


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But, far more serious, is the matter of the wanton consumption of the undrained corpses of the victims of this nocturnal creature; eating bodies filled with God's sacred blood is not a matter to be trifled with
Our God is a bloodthirsty God. He wants all the blood for himself.


Quote:
Sister N.K. from Virginia, U.S.A. tells us that since getting rid of her cat, she has not had to be preoccupied with cleaning the litter box or wasting valuable time better spent pursuing kingdom interests with the burden of purchasing cat food. This has allowed her to become a full-time pioneer; she finds that it is now easier to meet her allotted hours in field service.
Now, if only she could figure out how to get rid of her children, she'd have even more free time to devote to God.


Quote:
Godwin, a brother from Sierra Leone, puts it this way: 'I'm so grateful that God's organization is kept clean! It has freed me from the burden of owning a cat and all the spiritual pitfalls and financial commitments that go with it. I hope all the brothers will realize how the Devil subtly uses cats to corrupt and distract us from the disciple-making work.' (Matt. 24:14). What fine examples of faithfulness!
What fine examples of idiocy!


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Unfortunately in the case of human offspring, one is limited by the laws of the higher authorities of the land as to what scripturally-ordained punishment may be meted out, as compliance with both sets of laws is necessary in such areas.
It's really a shame we can't stone our kids to death for talking back to us.


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We are not living today among theocratic nations where such members of our fleshly family relationship could be exterminated for apostasy from God and his theocratic organization, as was possible and was ordered in the nation of Israel in the wilderness of Sinai and in the land of Palestine.
Oh drat.


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'Thou shalt surely kill him; thy hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him to death with stones, because he hath sought to draw thee away from Jehovah thy God
There's no better way to show your love for God than to brutally murder your own child.


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Of course, we can take no legal responsibility for anything which results from your voluntary application of your interpretation of such Biblical principles as you may believe that we have brought to your attention.
If the police arrest you for cruelty to animals, don't blame us just because we told you to do it.

[ September 07, 2002: Message edited by: The Lone Ranger ]</p>
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