meritocrat

Why is cheating on one's partner 'wrong'? Is it due to being contrary to monogamy? Why should monogamy be praised?

Oxymoron

Because being cheated on can hurt?

Cheating is "wrong" if one person misleads the other that they are in a monogamous relationship when they are in fact shag happy slags. Psychologically, this causes uncertainty in the sufferer about the future which they may have made plans for. Biologically, there is some precedent for couples staying together long enough to raise offspring.

Not all relationships are like that, and not all cultures are predominantly monogamous. But some of those that aren't can be suspiciously male-dominated.

Rhea

I think it's only wrong if you agreed you wouldn't. If both people _freely_ agree to a polyamorous relationship, I don't see why it would be wrong.

However, there's a lot of societal baggage around monogamy and expectations of commitment and maintenance. So it can get squirrelly when you are trying to commit time to two people who have no vested interest in yielding to each other. So they really all three need to be inter-committed. Or however many.

I personally prefer a monogamous relationship because I want to be able to depend on a certain time commitment and availability of my spouse.

meritocrat

Define being 'hurt' or harm? Many things can 'hurt' a person.

Quote:

Cheating is "wrong" if one person misleads the other that they are in a monogamous relationship when they are in fact shag happy slags. Psychologically, this causes uncertainty in the sufferer about the future which they may have made plans for. Biologically, there is some precedent for couples staying together long enough to raise offspring. Not all relationships are like that, and not all cultures are predominantly monogamous. But some of those that aren't can be suspiciously male-dominated.

Islamic societies were/are male dominated or phallocentric yet polygamy was practiced more widely there than in the West.

Nostalgic Pushhead

Reread what was posted. Thats what they said.

You're just looking for a wind up, right? They had a decent explanation about how it could hurt someone.

Oxymoron

Emotional pain. I'm sure you've been there on occasion. Whatever lies at the root of it, it exists.

That was my point. Polygamy suits males who don't invest as much time and energy in raising offspring than females.

meritocrat

I'm serious. Many things can 'harm' a person. Why not clamp down on all of them if cheating 'harms'?

Tani

if those involved can't even agree on that, not even a polygamous relationship would work.

"cheating" is a relative word, you are't cheating unless you intentionally misrepresent your actions. you can cheat in any definable relationship because as long as you can set up bounds, you can cheat by going outside of the bounds while giving a false impression that you are in the bounds.

Rhea

valid question. IMO, it lies at something that can be contractual. Therefore, the two have to be in agreement. If they _are_ in agreement, it may not cause harm. It's the agreement that is crucial, IMO.

Our society makes implicit agreement of monogamy. Therefore, to do something different requires explicit deviation from that. Otherwise it can cause hurt (that could have been quantified and verified).

Polygamy/polyamory doesn't cause hurt per se, I don't think. It is the inequality that causes harm. And that - what did someone call it, "phallocentric"? - approach is what can cause harm. But that's unrelated to the polygamy, IMO, since many monogamous relationships have it, too.

I think very much of the discomfort with it _is_ rooted in procreation & child maintenence, and the dependence that requires. You want your mate to be available to the children. YOUR children. It's hard to be a single parent, as your children don't have a fall-back. So one is drawn to positions of highest certainty, and that is having a back-up - a mate.

Add in the phenomenon of STDs and you want to be able to have certainty that you are not taking risks. That is accomplished fairly easily by mutual monogamy.

MHO.

Psycho Economist

Isn't that what a conscience tends to do? Inhibit the execution of acts we believe would harm the object of the act... (excepting sociopaths, of course.)