Proxima Centauri

We are all pleased that things are going better for you, Darren. There is one problem which I have been meaning to discuss for some time but I didn't as dealing with the marriage was more immediately important.
You have mentioned financial problems. Your oldest kid is 13 and in five years you may be having to start supporting your kids through College or University.
Have you and your wife considered starting to save money now to help pay for their education?
Your wife is now more reasonable. I'm sure, (I hope) she will agree her kids education is more important than, say showing the other ladies at church how many new outfits she can afford.
Getting your kids a good education will help them be financially more secure as well as making it more likely that they will respect the Scientific Method rather than religion.

agapeo

I'm very glad to hear this, but . . .
. . . this seems to be what you have been frustrated over for these past several weeks. That is to say -- her insistance that you conform to her beliefs or else. So I would tread carefully when trying to conform her to your lack of belief. It seems to me that the best course of action is simply to accept her beliefs, as she is attempting to accept your lack of belief.

Vicar Philip

B. shack,

Yes, we are VERY concerned about our children's future educations, and I am enrolled in a debt management plan. One good thing about my university job is that all of my children can go to any university in Illinois at 50% tuition. That will help tremendously, as well as a great junior college we have in Champaign, Parkland College.

We've also set up a savings account, and are making contributions to it each paycheck, no matter how small. I know the "hows" and "whys" of financial responsibility, it's adhering to it that is difficult. Thanks for the advice.

agapeo,

Well, one can be hopeful, can't one? I have no false hopes for her becoming an atheist, but I won't deny that somewhere in the back of my head I secretly hope it happens someday. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, though!

I bought a book today written by Ralph Muncaster, "A Skeptic's Search for God." Looks pretty interesting, has anyone heard of him or his writings?

Vicar Philip

The book I mentioned buying? Very disappointed. When I looked at it in the bookstore, I saw some convincing evidence for at least the incredibly small probability of life getting started, and thought maybe I'd learn something.

Unfortunately, once I read past that part, he got right back into standard apologetics. For someone proclaiming himself to be so damn smart, he even thought Daniel was an accurate prophecy of the future. Too bad most scholars believe Daniel was written after the fact.

Oh well, I had a glimmer of finding something I could talk to my wife about and give her a little better insight into my atheism, but all that book did was convince me even more that I'm right and Jesus is wrong.

Vicar Philip

My wife woke up this morning and said she had just had a dream in which she was VERY mad at me.

It seems in the dream I told her I was planning to attend an Atheist Seminar. She asked me, dead serious, if I was planning to do so. I said, "No, I wouldn't need that."

But then I started feeling guilty. I have never told her about all the time I spend here at II. Good grief, I'm over 125-some posts, over the last two months. I spend time here because she is at work ALL THE TIME.

So, am I wrong for sort of keeping this from her? I have a feeling she would shit if she knew I was posting our personal life on this board, even though I'll probably never see anyone from here. It's just such a release to be able to come here and talk to people who believe like I do, and gain the wisdom of their experiences. Somehow I don't think my wife would see it that way.

Hope everyone has a happy new year!

HelenM

So your wife is even mad at you in her sleep? *sigh*

Maybe she thought her dream might be a 'message from God' and that's why she asked you whether it was true or not.

I'm not sure what to say about telling your wife that you post here. She seems very easily angered by just about anything you say. Maybe it's something you can hope to tell her at some point but now is not a good time. If posting here calms you down then I'm sure that ends up being to her benefit. But as you say she may not be willing to see it that way.

I think it's good that she will talk to you about stuff like her dreams. Evidently talking to you is something she does want to do.

Have you got any further in looking into marriage counseling and/or with scheduling to see the pastor, if that's still something you want to do? If you get set up having meetings with a third person you could save any very touchy stuff for there...like admitting that you post here...then if she overreacts you'll have a witness and objective observer to see just who is being reasonable and who isn't.

Anyway...Happy New Year to you too! I do hope it's a much better one for you than this year has turned out to be.

take care
Helen

seebs

Let me just add a repeat of the "definitely consider a counselor" vote. Man. This sucks; I haven't been there for these exact reasons, but I've been there.

The Other Michael

VP,

I tried to send you a PM on this with some things I didn't want to mention in the thread but you've got both PMs and email turned off.

Let me know if you decide to turn PMs on - you could always do that, drop me a PM, let me reply, and then disable that function again if you like.

cheers,
Michael

thebeave

My vote is DO NOT let her know about this forum. In fact, I would make sure that you cover your tracks after coming here (i.e. clear browser history, no bookmarks, delete e-mails from infidel members, etc). Things would take a major turn for the worse right now if she read this thread, and you would be back to square one. You can bet she is confiding in friends, co workers, clergy and relatives herself about your relationship troubles, and would not want you to be privy to things she said to others about you. There is no harm in everybody having a little private (separate from the spouse) "therapy" with their peers to help work out your situation, and get your aggravations off your chest. Good luck!

HelenM

In the big picture the spouse's feelings are important to the relationship so it's best to consider whether the benefit of talking to others would be outweighed by how upset the spouse would be if they knew.

I think it's wise to minimize the number of things done behind a spouse's back that they wouldn't like. Since they'll probably find out one way or another. And the more you've tried to hide something the worse will look when they do find out. You don't want your spouse to wonder what else you're hiding...

But then, in a relationship where the spouse seems to be angry/upset at anything and everything it's hard to stay motivated to try not to upset them - since it seems unavoidable anyway. The spouse's behavior, unfortunately, is going to push the person towards the very things that the spouse is afraid of/upset about.

Helen