Haran

Jorge,

Perhaps we can continue this via email at some point.

I hope your surgery goes well.

viscousmemories

That is SO COOL! And all those years during my youth when I had to read that silly tripe aloud during morning prayers, lunch prayers, afternoon prayers, youth group prayers, weekly prayer meetings and church and bible study, I had no idea that the reason it all seemed like completely fantastic idiocy was because I didn’t have the special power to understand it! Of course! Now it all makes so much more sense!

So tell me Jorge, if you don’t mind… *viscousmemories bounces and fidgets* Is it like a secret decoder ring that god gave you that lets you understand the book? Huh? Or do you have to like smack your hand into his and say something like “Wonder-Twin Powers, ACTIVATE!” before you read it? You can tell me. I promise I won’t tell god you told me. Don’t worry about his omniscience or anything either, it’s all cool. I’ve got FREE WILL, see? So we’re good. Anyway from what I’ve heard he wants me to understand, he just forgot to tell me the magic word that makes it go from gobbledygook to rational.
That’s really cool too. Usually when I read a book, the ‘message’ is communicated by way of using words to form sentences in a cohesive pattern that I have been trained to recognize and associate with certain occurrences in my life. I never even suspected that a book might be sending me a ‘message’ other than the one that is written. That’s just so SNEAKY! That god guy is really a prankster, isn’t he?
Not just that book either. In fact we infidels read EVERY SINGLE BOOK exactly the same way! Isn’t that wild? See it’s like this… you really have to see this. It’s totally weird. We like, move our eyeballs back and forth from left to right across and then slowly down a page, and we use this gelatinous compound nestled in our skull to absorb and interpret these electrical impulses that our eyeballs are registering. I know! It’s totally freaky. You believe in electricity, right? ‘Cause I’m guessing this wouldn’t make a lot of sense to you if you didn’t.
Wow. Just. Wow. Man Jorge, you are really helping me out here today. I swear I have been so distraught for so long thinking that it was just me who saw the bible as nothing but meaningless words with all manner of confused contradiction. It is so cool that you, using god’s magic decoder ring (or whatever it is he gave you, you sneaky rascal) are able to let me in on the fact that nobody believes that crap. I feel a thousand pounds lighter already.
Oh hey, cool. Here I thought that you ignoring every single one of my posts since the very first was some kind of indication that you aren’t learning anything at all from me. I’m glad to know you are.
Erm? Hmm. Is this another one of those kind of statements where you need that decoder ring again? ‘Cause to me it looks nonsensical. Syntactically, it looks like you are saying that Haran is wrong about the answer he expects. How is that even possible? I mean if he expects it, surely he would know better than us, right? I really wish I had one of those rings. *sigh*
Umm… excuse me… sir? Mr. Biblical Scholar sir? Um… I’m not a real genius or nothin’, heck I don’t even know how many times I might’ve read the bible (and as you know, I’ve never read it with the special power on) but I do believe that jesus was speaking to satan manifest in the apostle, not comparing the apostle to satan. Again I’m not really an authority though. That’s just what I’ve always understood it to mean. Of course with your special ring and all you probably know way better than I.
You should try a lot harder, Jorge. I daresay I do a better job of emulating the life of jesus, and I’m not even trying. For one thing, I believe you’re absolutely wrong that jesus did not respect persons. All evidence in your special book seems to point to the contrary. That much spills out of it even without the special red/blue plastic sheet that shows what’s really written in there! That’s it, isn’t it!? You sly devil. That does it. I’m going to get me some 3D glasses and read that thing again. You old dog, you.
Yeah Haran, jeez. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that everyone in this thread has been jumping down your throat for everything you say since you revealed that you’re a christian. It’s all part of the evil atheist conspiracy. Oh, wait. Shoot. Oh hey Haran, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to expose your membership. Crap. Oh well, Jorge was getting suspicious anyway. Clearly you who run with the heathens must not be a true christian™. You’d never see jesus hanging out with heathens. No sir.
I’ve noticed that too! Like when someone who has no background in evolutionary biology tries to tell an evolutionary biologist how evolutionary biology doesn’t make any sense ‘cause this magic book he read with a secret decoder ring told him so. They get all uptight about that stuff! Eh. What’re you gonna do? People are people.
And don’t think we don’t all admire the hell out of your stride. The whole band was tripping all over themselves trying to keep up during that last block. Hell, I’m on a float and we can’t even see you anymore! You are way ahead!
Yes, note, Haran, grasshopper, that infidels are by nature “anti-christian”. It is not possible for one to be non-christian without being anti-christian. It is by employing this logic that you can deduce that I am anti-infidel. That is why I have come here. Not to discuss or debate, but to assure these heathen pigs that my salvation is guaranteed, and they will be spending an eternity in hell. Among other things, it helps me compensate for my rather tiny… imagination.
I totally laughed at this at first, thinking “why on earth would Haran want your e-mail address when you’ve done nothing but dismiss his/her opinions and spout your ignorant (it’s not an insult … I checked. See above) nonsense. But then I saw Haran accept your offer, so I guess it’s more sad than funny after all.
Just to prove to you that not all infidels are of the same mind, I’ll ignore the example of my fellow heathens and pass on wishing you well in surgery. Not that I wish you ill or anything, I just really don’t care much honestly.

vm

tensorproduct

viscousmemories :notworthy :notworthy

ROFLMFAO

It was worth reading through this whole inane thread just to read that post.

Wayne Delia

This theory reminds me of the beginning of Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis,in which the story logically progresses if the first statement is accepted - that Gregor Samsa has somehow transfigured into a giant cockroach.

Jorge started the same antagonism over in Existence of God, from where it was moved to Biblical Criticism and History, and now it seems to have ended up in the catch-all category. He left a few posts unanswered, in pretty much the same style he's avoiding all specific questions of resolutions of contradictions in this thread. He isn't going to address any specific contradictions at all, but will continue to insist that we bow to his planet-sized intelligence in matters Biblical.

The current loose end he left untied back in EoG was a discussion of 1 Samuel 15:1-3, which describes God suddenly telling Samuel to order King Saul to completely wipe out the Amalekites because God still held a grudge against the already-punished offenses of their ancestors from 350 to 400 years earlier (during the Exodus). In this reference, God specifically callled for the complete genocide of the tribe, explicitly targeting women, children, and infants. Jorge refers to this as only an "apparent" atrocity, and we should perhaps take his word for it that it's not an actual atrocity. When asked to explain his position, he wanted to trade a commitment from me to convert to Christianity in exchange for any answer at all from him. That, of course, would be a sucker bet.

Best advice so far: Don't feed the troll.

WMD

BigBadShrubbery

Jorge, Jorge, please, Jorge, dammit, please, Jorge...

Just post one of the 31,000 contradictions and explain why it isn't really a contradiction. Pleeease.

Thank you.

Mageth

I just noticed something. In the Protestant Bible, there are reportedly 31,102 verses. Is it just an odd coincidence how that correlates with Jorge's "over 31,000 discrepancies"? Or are we being "had"?

Wayne Delia

While I hope your surgery goes well and that you fully recover, one of the points you may need to reflect on is why you don't believe Jesus when He describes (in Mark 16:17-18) the abilities you would have which would distinguish you as a Christian? He promised you and other Christians the ability to heal any illness simply through laying on of hands. It seems to me that solution would be much safer, much more effective and would cost much less than a surgical procedure. Perhaps you don't have as much faith in Jesus as you seem to think we should have.

WMD

viscousmemories

No, no, no. You guys are totally missing his point. I understand, 'cause I did too in the beginning. Hence I asked him to produce a list of these 30,000+ discrepancies. But see the thing is, he doesn't have to produce the list, 'cause the discrepancies are irrelevant.

See the thing is, if you're one of the "chosen" people, god gives you some kind of magical device or something that lets you see what's really written in the bible, instead of the nonsense you see with your naked eye. Then apparently you can see that these "contradictions" aren't really contradictions at all! They make perfect sense! So don't ask him for the list. He hates that. It ignores his whole point.

If you can, though, see if you can get him to tell you how to get that super bible reading power he talks about, 'cause it sounds like the book would be much more interesting if I could just understand it.

vm

Oh, and thanks tensorproduct

Jorge

I always do my best to speak the truth. I answer to One that requires it.

BTW, it sure didn't take very long for that quote to be taken out of context, did it?

You win the cupie doll, Derweisswolf... congratulations!

Keep trying.

Jorge

Jorge

Thank you for your well-wishes. It's in God's hands so no matter what happens, it'll be good.

God bless,

Jorge