Roland

My favorite part is Balaam's blase reaction.

He doesn't fall over in shock or scream "Oh my God, you're talking!" Nope, he goes right along and engages the animal in conversation as if nothing at all strange were happening.

Vinnie

My favorite part is the use of the word ass. I'm getting a lot of "double meanings" out of these

" . . . saddled his ass . . . riding the ass . . . struck the ass . . .
"Am I not your ass, upon which you have ridden all your life"

and the best:

"[God] opened the mouth of the ass". Talk about a kinky deity

I still feel bad for the ass though. Where were the animal rights activists in antiquity? We should start a 'Save the Ass' foundation to protect abused asses like this one. We could even do a petting zoo so children can come and pet the asses.

Vinnie

Spaz

"Now he was riding on the ass, and his two servants were with him."

Sorry, that just made me laugh before the ass even started talking

Vinnie

A good steward will pamper his ass

Vinnie

If Balaam was a woman I think she would have slapped her ass!

Vinnie

I want to do a little reconstruction of the ass-texts of Balaam and I have some serious questions about the historical ass of Balaam.

First the global question of historicity of the ass:

I assume from the outset that Balaam had an ass. Its inferred through empirical observations. Virtually everyone in that time period had an ass so I assume Balaam did to. Show me a man without an ass or you must concede the historicity of Balaam's ass.

The important questions is "what can we know about Balaam's ass"? How big was it? Did it stink? What type of sounds did this ass make? Did it verbally communicate?

I think Balaam had a big ass that stunk. We know Balaam liked to hit his ass but the real question is why? The story as we have it seems intrinsically unlikely for several reasons not to be articulated here. I propose that the real reason Balaam hit his ass is because of its stench. His ass must have smelt so bad it forced him to treat it cruely. He lost all respect for his ass and forgot how many times it served him faithfully in his life.

Now I use the criteria of coherence to reconstruct the size of the ass. An ass that smelt that bad must have been humongous.

My historical-critical analysis has led me to the conclusion that Balaam had a big stinky ass.

Vinnie

Vinnie

Lord help me, I think I lost my sanity....

Jeremy Pallant

I too have encountered at least one Christian who considered the story to be historically true.

my dog earl

Not having much knowledge of the bible I was wondering if in Numbers there were other accounts of things being parables. When things seem too silly or unbelievable call it a parable.

Mr. Ed was a direct decendant of Balaam's ass, its prophesized in the bible. Honest.

Vinnie

You don't think Balaam had a big stinky ass?

Vinnie