Freethought & Rationalism Archive

hezekiah jones · 05-30-2002, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fastfalcon:
Jesus: (sad) ... He weeps ...
.....
Jesus: (weeps in happiness) ...

Yeesh. This "Jesus" sure has some serious emotional problems.

Darwin's Finch · 05-30-2002, 08:47 AM

FF: "Jesus looks through the Book of Life but did (sic) not find my name. Jesus: (sad) 'I'm sorry, I do not see your name in the Book. You did not come to Me to be saved, so here is where you will go for eternity.' He weeps and opens the door to the Lake of Fire. Weeping and gnashing of teeth sounds come out. I enter and cry for all eternity."

The weeping Jesus part is a nice touch. LOL! Could you possibly be more maudlin?

BTW, FastFalcon, you are aware, aren't you, that your Biblical literalism is a purely modern preoccupation? Do you really think that a supposedly all-knowing god needs some book as a stage prop?

bonduca · 05-30-2002, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fastfalcon (with helpful edits from Bonduca, Literary Assistant Extraordinaire):
<strong>If I am saved, as I am sure I am, the the story would be different:
Jesus: Come and be judged.
Me: Lord, have I served your cause? (knee bowing) You ae the Lord.
Jesus: We'll see.
Pictures form of my life, from birth to death. at Feb 15, 2002, the pictures stop as I see myself praying the sinner's prayer.
Jesus: (lips pursed in annoyance) Holy Me, you're an annoying little b@stard.
Me:

Yes sir!
Jesus resumes the pictures of my life. I see myself preaching to people in the rudest possible way, trying to call attention to myself by my loudly proclaimed piety(offstory: which I am doing now), being told to piss off you annoying little sod by atheists,
Jesus: You are one self-centered little pissant. My Nightgown, I'll give you anything you want. Just go away!
Me: Thank you, O Lord! Amen!
THE END.</strong>

hezekiah jones · 05-30-2002, 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fastfalcon:
Jesus: "You get the main reward of being with Me for all eternity plus (whatever I get/desire)."

Perhaps a sexual identity crisis as well.

tdekeyser · 05-30-2002, 08:51 AM

No, here is how it would go for Lost Falcon:

LostF: "Hello mighty god."
God: "I have made you gay and you did not follow the path set before you!"

LostF: "Yes, I felt the urges but my thoughts took over my mind." "Does that count?"
God: "NO!" I also said for you kill infidels and non-believers, you did NOT!"

LostF: "I wanted to.....but the humans have laws that would have punished me."
God: "I WILL PUNISH YOU FOR BEING A FOOL!"

Lost Falcon is thown into the lake of fire for not being gay.

Dark Jedi · 05-30-2002, 08:54 AM

Hmm.. I expect for old FF it would go more like this:

God: Kneel before me.
FF: Yes, Jesus, you are the lord.
God: Jesus? It is pronounced Odin.
FF: Anything you say, Jesus.
God: O-D-I-N. Odin. is that clear?
FF: Yes, Jesus.
God: Hello? <taps FF on the head> Is this thing on? Odin. Say it: Odin.
FF: Jesus.
God: Alrighty, then. This one's defective. Can we re-cycle it as a cockroach?

Bree · 05-30-2002, 11:00 PM

I must admit, the last few posts directed at a certain individual have made me laugh so hard I'm practically pissing my pants.

If you'd like to continue, please follow me to RRP...

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05-30-2002, 08:47 AM	#22
Darwin's Finch Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Gardnerville, NV Posts: 666	FF: "Jesus looks through the Book of Life but did (sic) not find my name. Jesus: (sad) 'I'm sorry, I do not see your name in the Book. You did not come to Me to be saved, so here is where you will go for eternity.' He weeps and opens the door to the Lake of Fire. Weeping and gnashing of teeth sounds come out. I enter and cry for all eternity." The weeping Jesus part is a nice touch. LOL! Could you possibly be more maudlin? BTW, FastFalcon, you are aware, aren't you, that your Biblical literalism is a purely modern preoccupation? Do you really think that a supposedly all-knowing god needs some book as a stage prop?

05-30-2002, 08:51 AM	#25
tdekeyser Regular Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 341	No, here is how it would go for Lost Falcon: LostF: "Hello mighty god." God: "I have made you gay and you did not follow the path set before you!" LostF: "Yes, I felt the urges but my thoughts took over my mind." "Does that count?" God: "NO!" I also said for you kill infidels and non-believers, you did NOT!" LostF: "I wanted to.....but the humans have laws that would have punished me." God: "I WILL PUNISH YOU FOR BEING A FOOL!" Lost Falcon is thown into the lake of fire for not being gay.

05-30-2002, 08:54 AM	#26
Dark Jedi Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Afghanistan Posts: 4,666	Hmm.. I expect for old FF it would go more like this: God: Kneel before me. FF: Yes, Jesus, you are the lord. God: Jesus? It is pronounced Odin. FF: Anything you say, Jesus. God: O-D-I-N. Odin. is that clear? FF: Yes, Jesus. God: Hello? <taps FF on the head> Is this thing on? Odin. Say it: Odin. FF: Jesus. God: Alrighty, then. This one's defective. Can we re-cycle it as a cockroach?

05-30-2002, 11:00 PM	#27
Bree Veteran Member Join Date: May 2001 Location: Twin Cities, USA Posts: 3,197	I must admit, the last few posts directed at a certain individual have made me laugh so hard I'm practically pissing my pants. If you'd like to continue, please follow me to RRP...

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