Luiseach

Surely all this isn't for real....? Please someone tell me this isn't for real.....please........so, um, what's the punchline, then?

atheist_in_foxhole

Thanks, I needed a good laugh today.

Brother Fred

Well, I've been sincere - as sincere as I could have ever been and god still didn't reveal himself to me. I informed my sisters pastor and he asked his whole congregation to pray for me, but god still didn't reveal himself to me. What now?

Cutter

Cthulhu Devour You!

christ-on-a-stick

Hi Brother Fred, Welcome to the Light of Reason.

Don't be sad. I know it can be scary and disheartening at first but it is also exhilirating and wonderful to begin seeing the world as it really is and not through the lens of the mentally-crippling religion that has clouded the mind for too long.

I reccomend viewing the sticky "Atheists' Testimony" thread in Secular Lifestyle & Support. You will find the stories of many, many people who have gone through the deconversion process and none the worse for wear!

Welcome to IIDB.

Muad'Dib

If "Robinsin" ever returns to us, I want to personally apologize to him for the flippancy of the following post. I have mistaken him for a drive-by preacher, and under Title IV, Section 37, Paragraph 6, Sub-Paragraph 9, Sub-Sub-Paragraph 19, Sub-Sub-Sub-Paragraph 412 of the Big Book of Rules Known Only to Muad'Dib, those who post to the boards once and never return may be subjected to satire. This sort of thing happens all the time, and is not meant to be construed as harassment or--

*RINGGGG*

Excuse me for a moment.

"Atreides Software technical support, this is Paul. How may I help you?"

"I'm sorry sir, that's not covered by our warranty." *CLICK*

As I was saying, these things are just in good fun and--

*RINGGGG*

"Atreides Software technical support."
"Mm-hmm...I think if you upgrade your hardware before worrying about the new operating system, this problem will fix itself. You're welcome." *CLICK*

Yes, these things are just light-hearted ways of--

*RINGGGG*

Grr...clients. "Atreides Software technical Support, this is Paul."

"That's wonderful, sir, but why are you calling? Oh, it still doesn't work? Even with your credentials. Hmm...let me transfer you to Hank in Operations." beep-beep-*CLICK*

As I was saying--

*RINGGGG*

Aargh. "Atreides Software technical support."

"That's okay, most people who call don't know much about them either. Please continue."

"Yes, I'm sure your brother is very knowledgeable about these things, but that's just not how they operate--hello? Hello? Hmm." *CLICK*

Satire is one of those things that may sting at first, but really, people have your best interests--

*RINGGGG*

If people don't stop calling, I'll start using foul language! "Atreides Software, this is Paul."

"Good memory, sir. Yes, that fix worked with all versions prior to 2.08b. Hmm? I think 7.12c is the most recent. Which version are you running?"

"...Oh! That old...it'll take us a while to dig up that material from our archives. I'll give you a call next week. Let me take your number." scribble-scribble-*CLICK*

Even if you have been satirized, you know that people think you're important enough to notice, so that should be ample compensation for any--

*RINGGGG*

I swear, one more, just ONE MORE, and I'll snap! "Atreides technical support."

"I know it's an annoying bug, sir. Yes, I know you've tried, sir. No, I don't think you're stupid--hey! Stop yelling at--" *CLICK* Hmmph!

Where was I...oh yes. Now everyone has seen your message, and hopefully that will make you feel like we care enough to--

*RINGGGG*

Oh...oh...buttocks! "Atreides Software tech support."

"Well done, sir. I wish everyone kept an error log as well as you do. I've written down what you've said, and I'm going to transfer you to Karl, and he'll tell you how to get your machine back into working condition." *CLICK*

So to finish off, I hope you haven't been too put off by this response. It's all in good fun, and the best of us from time to time will find our less coherent posts similarly ---

*RINGGGG*

How'd I know this was coming? "Atreides Software tech support."
"I'm glad it worked, sir. No, I'm very glad. No need to thank me, just doing my job. You have a good one too, sir." *CLICK*

Where was I? Forget it, I don't even remember what I was saying. Probably wasn't that important anyway. I'll just go back to work.

Right after I rip this freaking phone out of the wall.

BigBlue2

Sweet Jebus, that was funny .

:notworthy :notworthy Muad'Dib :notworthy :notworthy

WWSD

I wonder if it has never occured to such people as he who wrote the OP that we have actually heard, almost verbatum, each and every "point" that was made in support of this or that god...

mongrel

And he works at McDonalds with Elvis.

No anti-monopoly laws, eh?

Hey, we've got somethin' in common!

Yet this (allegedly)omnipotent being (allegedly)created me with the major flaw of not being sincere enough to really, really, really want to find him? That's loving, ain't it?

Yeah, yeah. Hank's ass, and all that.

Designed with flaws so that he can enjoy a bit of eternal torture. Or maybe your god screwed up the design...

So god sacrificed his only son(or himself, depending on which way you look at it), to himself, to appease his own anger at his own creation?

Hey! It worked! See my replies above.

Please read and obey your holey babble:

Matthew 6
5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

Robinsin

That was truly funny! Thank-you for your lightening and kind replies.

I was refered to this site today by a heathen friend of mine, of which I have many. I'm sure he thought I'd go nuts by seeing it?

First, Brother Fred:
WOW! You have an entire Church praying for you and you are praying yourself ---- I'll give you some tips >>>> "HANG ON!!" Your life is about to take a hairpin corner at full throttle. Remember this; Enjoy it everyday - there is no more exciting time than when you come to know Christ! It will happen; if you want to email me directly we can set up some discussions and we can be very frank with each other - as we don't know each other and you'll have nothing to lose or fear?

Thanks Magus55, very nicely put - Sorry I don't have the eloquence of putting it to words - Just my faith. I'll ditto his post.

Let me start by saying I lived a life of terrible sin, no sign of God as far as I knew? My Mother was married 3 times, My Father 5 when I moved out on my own at 16. I was a special child - very capable from athletic stock. I did well in sports excelling in football, rugby and lacrosse as well as many others. I virtually received straight A's throughout school, without much effort. In high school, I was on the honour roll, living on my own, holding 3 jobs (part-time), drinking, whoring and selling drugs to high school peers. I was in the "in" group due to my status in life (mainly my sports car and apartment) and I was in the "geek" group because most of my subjects were high academic - Everyone thought I should become a Doctor - so I was taking the courses.
Life of a heathen, none the less - ended up graduating, getting some lousy labor jobs, selling more drugs (good $$$), getting married and having kids. After my Divorce (go figure) got tired of working for idiots who knew less than I did, I went back to College and got my Engineering. (Sold drugs then to).
College brought out the best in me academically - I became top student without much effort at all- A lot of it had to do with manipulating people/profs - believe it or not?
:boohoo: To the point....
Upon graduating, I became very successful in my career and things started to change for me - for the better. I was soon remarried to my current wife (very happily married) and we had more children (5 in total); Eventually owned and operated my own multi-million dollar company, had $100,000's invested in the stock market, Porsche in the driveway, a beautiful custom built home with 24 rooms and the nicest liquor cabinet/bar I've ever seen (for entertaining), we had over 30 revenue properties paying us rent, a mortgage company that loaned people money for high interest rates, and at age 30 I had over One Million Dollars CASH in the bank and was drug free for over 7 years (selling or using).