Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Polar Bear · 12-20-2002, 10:29 AM

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Quote:

The Parable of the Flawed House

A woman, after buying a house sight unseen (it was a great price), had some questions about the way the house was decorated and designed. She summoned her real estate agent to the house to answer these questions.

"Such a beautiful home!" the agent said as soon as he walked in the door.

"Yes, I agree, sort of," said the homeowner. "I have some questions about the way this house was decorated. For instance, although the living room is very beautiful, the hallway is hideous. And the kitchen is a disaster. I want to know who is responsible for this."

The agent shrugged. "Well, the interior decorator is a well-known genius, and the architect is second to none. The hallway and kitchen must have been changed by the previous owners."

This puzzled the homeowner. "But I spoke with the previous owners; they seemed to be somewhat sane, and they had no knowledge of these errors either."

"It was probably the fault of the owners before that," replied the real estate agent.

The homeowner held up a manila folder overflowing with documents. "Well, I went downtown to check out the history on the building. Here are all the building permits. I don't see anything in here about putting holes in the hallway walls, or making all the kitchen counters so steeply angled that everything slides onto the floor. That just doesn't make sense."

The agent thought for a moment. "Well, perhaps it was the original owners who made it that way, and all the succeeding occupants just left it as is."

"They had no choice," the homeowner said. "I examined the hallway and kitchen -- these changes are not recent. They appear to be incorporated into the design of the home. If I wanted to fix the kitchen counters, for example, I'd end up having to obliterate not just the kitchen but the dining room and the bathroom around the corner as well. Take a look at these plans and you'll see what I mean."

The agent and the homeowner pored over the plans together. Finally, the agent turned around and paced for a few minutes, then spoke. "Well, it seems that the interior decorator intended for the hallway and kitchen to be this way. Surely it is part of his genius to include such eccentricities, wouldn't you agree?"

The homeowner crossed her arms. "Actually, no, I wouldn't agree. The purpose of a home is to provide comfortable shelter for human beings. This home does not provide such shelter. I haven't even gotten into the poorly fitted windows, the misshapen steps on the back porch, the too-low basement ceiling ... I could go on but I think you get my point."

"I'm not sure that I do," said the real estate agent. "Obviously these are features of the original design. The people who designed and built this building are trained experts. Are YOU an architect, or an interior decorator, or a housing contractor?"

The homeowner was a bit taken aback. "Well, no, I --"

"Exactly. So how can YOU know the best way to design a house?"

"I would hope that common sense would dictate that a house be usable and safe and cozy for its human occupants. I mean, what sense does it make to deliberately make misshapen steps? Someone could easily fall and break their leg or worse. And they're set up in such a way that they can't be repaired -- not without destroying half of the exterior, anyway."

The real estate agent pursed his lips and peered at the difficult homeowner for a moment. "You know, I just happen to have some of my own documents regarding this house," he said, ruffling through his leather shoulder bag. "Here we go. Sorry I didn't bring this to your attention earlier. There was a legal dispute between the first owners of the home and the company that designed and built it."

"But what does that have to do with me? Why did they have to remake the house so that it was for all practical purposes beyond repair?"

The agent flipped through the documents for a moment before answering. "It seems that the court ruled that 'all successive owners and occupants of the house must endure the changes wrought by the Plaintiff as part of the judgment against the Defendant.'"

The confused homeowner shook her head as if to clear it of debris. "What? That doesn't make any sense at all! There isn't even any legal precedent for such a judgment!"

The real estate agent shrugged and grinned. "Makes perfect sense to me!"

They stood in silence for a moment. Finally the homeowner blurted, "Fine. I want you to sell the house. I'm moving out."

The agent's grin grew bigger. "Can't do that. It's part of the legal judgment. All occupants must remain in the house until death. No sale permitted."

The homeowner, mouth agape, clasped her hands to the side of her head. Her jaw worked for a minute but no words came out. Finally, she managed to sputter: "So, you're saying that the designers of this building are wonderful geniuses, but due to a dispute with the original owners, they not only came back to the house and remodeled it so that anyone else living in it would be miserable, but they also won some crazy court judgment that punishes every successive occupant of the house?"

The real estate agent nodded enthusiastically.

The homeowner slowly shook her head. A haunted expression had come across her face. The agent could barely hear what she murmured next:

"That's the most insanely petty and disproportionately vindictive thing I have ever heard of. Such designers cannot be praised no matter how skilled their art; they must instead be condemned as madmen who dangle beauty in front of innocents only to replace it with suffering."

GunnerJ · 12-20-2002, 12:59 PM

Loverly.

Queen of Swords · 12-20-2002, 01:09 PM

What? That's it? No criticism? No dissection of character? No ideas about whom the homeowner could fall in love with?

It's not fair! <stomps away>

Eudaimonist · 12-20-2002, 01:23 PM

Nice!

AbbyNormal · 12-20-2002, 01:35 PM

I very much enjoyed this but....who would buy a house sight unseen?

Regards,
AbbyNormal

ImGod · 12-20-2002, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AbbyNormal:
<strong>I very much enjoyed this but....who would buy a house sight unseen?

Regards,
AbbyNormal</strong>

I rented an apartment once on "faith". My first look at the one room apartment through its recently kicked in door removed most of my misplaced faith. The 2 inch long cockroach that woke me up the first night rid me of the rest.

It was for a college summer internship and was the only apartment left in the small town because of a road construction project outside of town. I should have known better when the lady on the phone said the rent was $90 a month or whatever you think its worth. I was only there 3 1/2 months so I sucked it up.

Jackalope · 12-21-2002, 03:39 AM

The Austin Longue Lizards did a nice parody of the original parable:
<a href="http://www.austinlizards.com/Velvet/sinners.html" target="_blank">The Three Sinners</a>

Or maybe that should've been the three little sinners...

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12-20-2002, 12:59 PM	#2
GunnerJ Banned Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: a place where i can list whatever location i want Posts: 4,871	Loverly.

12-20-2002, 01:09 PM	#3
Queen of Swords Contributor Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Canada. Finally. Posts: 10,155	What? That's it? No criticism? No dissection of character? No ideas about whom the homeowner could fall in love with? It's not fair! <stomps away>

12-20-2002, 01:23 PM	#4
Eudaimonist Veteran Member Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Sundsvall, Sweden Posts: 3,159	Nice!

12-20-2002, 01:35 PM	#5
AbbyNormal Regular Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Flagstaff, AZ, USA Posts: 152	I very much enjoyed this but....who would buy a house sight unseen? Regards, AbbyNormal

12-21-2002, 03:39 AM	#7
Jackalope Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Hayward, CA, USA Posts: 1,675	The Austin Longue Lizards did a nice parody of the original parable: <a href="http://www.austinlizards.com/Velvet/sinners.html" target="_blank">The Three Sinners</a> Or maybe that should've been the three little sinners...

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