free12thinker

Recent article in USA Today that outlined our rudeness as a country and how it has affected people's self-esteem and general outlook. Doctors have noticed a significant rise in people complaining of self-esteem, often leading to social anxiety, and overall introverted attitudes.

Hypothetical : I have social phobia. I will avoid the public at all costs, fearful of their reaction to me. They may be making fun of me. Is it my clothes? Is it the way I walk? Maybe, that's why I never walk with my hands moving. That's why I iron my clothes twice a day. Yep, its that bad. People ask me why I worry so much about others and I reply; "People are so mean in today's world, that I operate under the assumption that if everyone is in everyone else's business, and everyone is critical of everyone else, than why wouldn't I be under their microscope as well?"

Here's the question. If this guy's social phobia stems from America's rudeness and "less than neighborly" demeanor, is America partly to blame for his sickness? Some would say yes. They would state that a civilized society must operate to and with one another in a cordial fashion, or it will all break down. They would further note that by saying our hello's and stopping all the gossip and "poke fun", that our self-esteem and optimism would automatically pick up. Some would say no too. They would note that people who are affected by America's rudeness and worry about what others think are just weak and need to learn to block it out. They would also state that American's don't have to be polite. They're not obligated to do anything for anyone else, so long as they don't break any laws.

MadMordigan

Some would say no too. They would note that people who are affected by America's rudeness and worry about what others think are just weak and need to learn to block it out.

Some people may ascribe weakness to those who cannot handle the pressure of social situations. Having had serious issues dealing with these myself, I'd say instead that those people simply haven't learned the skills to deal with these pressures.

Pangea

No. Oh boy, here's a trend I see a lot lately, bear with me if you will.

This reminds me of a story I saw on Real Sports a few weeks ago. It was about a growing trend in America to eliminate competitive and "otherwise damaging" athletic activity from public school phys ed programs. Their main target: dodgeball. According to these folks, dodgeball is evil and divides children into two camps: those who are always hit and those who seek out the weaker kids to hit. It instills negative values into children such as it is okay to hit each other in the heads with red rubber balls and sometimes violence is the answer, etc. (I thought it was a great story and my personal favorite line was when they were interviewing the guy in favor of keeping dodgeball and he was asked, "Do you hate this guy who wants to take away dodgeball?" And he smiles and says, "No, hate is strong word but I would love to get him in a really rigorous game of dodgeball." I thought that was pretty good.)

The opponents of dodgeball say there is nothing kids learn from dodgeball or any other competitive activity that they can't learn from, say, rock-climbing or 'invisible' jumprope (he actually has kids doing this crap, pretending to jump rope. For christ's sake he said they can skip it or make it go around twice for each jump. The interviewer laughed in his face and said of course they can, there's no rope!)

The proponents of dodgeball say that it is valuable to children in that it teaches them that it ain't all sunshine and roses all the time and you are going to lose sometimes and yes, it may sting a little. Deal with it. These folks that want to end dodgeball want nothing less than the "woosification of America."

I agree. Not to sound all cold and hard about it, I notice a trend in this country to want to make everyone nice and polite and kind of 'brady bunchish'. Of course, it is never *your* fault you are this way. There has to be some other outside cause. Like this hypothetical guy (HG), he is unable to go out in public because he fears what others may be thinking, saying about him. How is that everyone else's fault?

*I do concede that there are a great number of issues, disorders, what have you that are no fault of the person, but I hope I am making the distinction between real and real ridiculous pretty clear*

I would state these people are nutballs. I personally think people have good and bad in them, you can not totally suppress either side in a normal existence (such as living in an American city). I think the most kind hearted, well meaning person in America has done something atrocious in their life, conversely, the most hardened, cold blooded killer has done something utterly selfless and loving in theirs. There will never be utopia as these people want it to be.

Expose your kids to real life, strive to make them well rounded individuals, if you don't they are in for one hell of a shock when they realize the world doesn't cater to them the way mommy and daddy always did. Teach and exercise empathy, that's about as good as it is going to get.

I hate to admit this but I would probably say these things too (I am such a bitch). Of course, before any of these, I would start with, "You don't think there are some more important and time critical issues facing America and the rest of the world than rudeness?" Then I would go with "You need to get some help with your problem because those shoes look like shit on you and what is going on with that hairdo?"

What I am trying to say is that some people refuse to take responsiblity for their own situation. It is part of a trend of people who want something for nothing. Like all the law suits and court tv shows you see these days. Everybody thinks they have been wronged in some way, treated unjustly and suffered as a result. Granted some people end up in shit through NO fault of their own but I think those are fewer and farther between than those who have seen the benefits to be reaped by playing the helpless victim and have acted accordingly to get said benefits.

Did that make any sense? Maybe someone who can see what I am trying to say can say it a little more articulately than I.

JL

Freethinker I have social anxiety too, but I don't think it would make a bit of difference what culture I lived in. Hell, I even get wigged out around friends and family. In as much as it is basic human nature to scrutinize, to pass judgement, to value some things and scorn others, there has never been and hopefully never will be a society ascribing to the ideal you have suggested. I don't even think our phobia is alltogether rational; not to toot my own horn but I think I'm a pretty hip guy, not too horrific to look at, and by far more intelligent the unwashed masses that leave me sweating and stammering like a moron. To talk to me in public or until I got to know you well you'd probably think I was a half-wit.

I've heard the "You just need to block it out." thing before too. If they could experience the feeling of panic for themselves they'd understand why I snicker a little at such a remark.

I really think it boils down to the fact that a rational basis for this phobia is lacking. Or perhaps our minds are operating rationally but off of a mistaken assumption. So IMO our energies are misdirected if we attempt to change society because of our weakness.

free12thinker

Pangea,
You're not a bitch, you're just honest and realistic. We can handle that.

Viti

Uh oh...if Pangea can fess up....dammit

Okay...there are certain types of people that my snap judgement is "weak sniveling had overbearing overprotective parents; would be much better off today if they had stood up for themselves at least once" These are usually the people that go on and on about their severe allergies, dustmites, "germs", etc (and I don't know why but asthma triggers this in me as well). I know that these people probably have serious illnesses and allergies...but that doesn't stop my brain from labeling them as weak. I do try to overcome this, as I truly like people and want to help.

As a somewhat angry extrovert, I cannot understand social phobias on any kind of emotional level. It must be agonizing and much like depression. Since there are drugs that seem to help, I am inclined to think this a chemical imbalance in the brain, and not a reaction to society's overall rudeness. These types of illnesses trigger a frustration in me as I have no ability to empathize or help....but I do not get that "grow a spine wimp" gut reaction like I do with the items I mentioned above.

free12thinker

I have extreme social phobia and I will be the first to tell you that mine are a chemical imbalance, much like you said. It's all psychological. It has a something to do with society's rudeness, but that's in direct connection with my inability to see such rudeness as "everyday life." Does this make sense? Yet, when I was talking with a friend of mine, who also has severe social phobia, he blamed his entirely on societies rudeness and I tried to tell him he was not looking at his own "demons" with enough honesty. The difference between me and him is an ability to see the truth. By the way, he's a Christian. Shocked??????????????