Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Gregg · 10-21-2002, 06:29 AM

Do you think squirrels will ever evolve enough sense to run quickly from one side of the road to the other, instead of dawdling in the middle?

Or have squirrels actually already evolved into something much more sinister and chilling... namely, suicide terror squirrels? Are they trying to sacrifice their lives in hopes of causing fatal car accidents?

Gregg

Oolon Colluphid · 10-21-2002, 07:44 AM

Don�t know about squirrels, but here in the UK the main roadkill is hedgehogs. I gather that there is anecdotal evidence showing that they have evolved to keep running when faced with oncoming lights rather than their usual �protection� of curling up...

(Actually, that�s unlikely, since most hedgehogs don�t stray onto tarmac anyway (fewer insects and worms than in the verges), but it�s a nice idea...)

Oolon

Neruda · 10-21-2002, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Gregg:
...Or have squirrels actually already evolved into something much more sinister and chilling... namely, suicide terror squirrels? Are they trying to sacrifice their lives in hopes of causing fatal car accidents?

well if that's the case then they're clearly not trying hard enough.

suicide terror squirrels. LOL! That'd be a killer name for a garage punk band!

Mageth · 10-21-2002, 08:18 AM

Armadillos are the true suicide beasts. If you drive over them, missing them with your tires, they'll leap straight up and hit the underside of your car.

lisarea · 10-21-2002, 08:23 AM

I used to go out with this guy who was a very devout Buddhist.

He claimed that everything--every tree, every rock, every animal--had a Buddha nature. Except for squirrels.

If you asked him why, he'd just say, "LOOK AT THEM."

While I take a slightly less mystical view, there's this really creepy squirrel who PRESSES HIS BALLS UP AGAINST MY LIVING ROOM WINDOW sometimes, which makes me tend to agree that their aberrant behaviors are malicious rather than simply ignorant.

[ October 21, 2002: Message edited by: lisarea ]

butswana · 10-21-2002, 08:39 AM

I was driving down a chip and seal back road once. I saw a squirrel dart out on front of me. It didn't get run over it or hit by the muffler. I looked in the rear-view mirror. The little guy was standing on the edge of the road looking at his tail which was about three feet from the edge.
I pulled his fucking tail off. Guess his tail did get run over.

NialScorva · 10-21-2002, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lisarea:
I used to go out with this guy who was a very devout Buddhist.

He claimed that everything--every tree, every rock, every animal--had a Buddha nature. Except for squirrels.

If you asked him why, he'd just say, "LOOK AT THEM."

While I take a slightly less mystical view, there's this really creepy squirrel who PRESSES HIS BALLS UP AGAINST MY LIVING ROOM WINDOW sometimes, which makes me tend to agree that their aberrant behaviors are malicious rather than simply ignorant.

[ October 21, 2002: Message edited by: lisarea ]

<img src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" border="0" alt="[Not Worthy]" /> <img src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" border="0" alt="[Not Worthy]" />

This whole post has to be the funniest thing I've read in a long time.

Neruda · 10-21-2002, 08:48 AM

agreed, nailscorva!

Gregg · 10-21-2002, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Neruda:
agreed, nailscorva!

Well, give me some credit for starting the thread.

Ten to one it gets moved to the Humor forum before the day is out.

Gregg

RufusAtticus · 10-21-2002, 09:47 AM

I saw a squirrel on campus run out into the street, hit the hubcap of a car and run back into the bushes. It was the wierdest hit and run I've ever seen.

Then there was the time that I hit a oppossum and it got lodged under my car. I drug it about ten miles and let it sit under my car for two days before I realized it was there.

10-21-2002, 06:29 AM	#1
Gregg Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Kansas City, MO Posts: 1,877	Stupid squirrels Do you think squirrels will ever evolve enough sense to run quickly from one side of the road to the other, instead of dawdling in the middle? Or have squirrels actually already evolved into something much more sinister and chilling... namely, suicide terror squirrels? Are they trying to sacrifice their lives in hopes of causing fatal car accidents? Gregg

10-21-2002, 08:23 AM	#5
lisarea Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Broomfield, Colorado, USA Posts: 5,550	I used to go out with this guy who was a very devout Buddhist. He claimed that everything--every tree, every rock, every animal--had a Buddha nature. Except for squirrels. If you asked him why, he'd just say, "LOOK AT THEM." While I take a slightly less mystical view, there's this really creepy squirrel who PRESSES HIS BALLS UP AGAINST MY LIVING ROOM WINDOW sometimes, which makes me tend to agree that their aberrant behaviors are malicious rather than simply ignorant. [ October 21, 2002: Message edited by: lisarea ]</p>

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10-21-2002, 07:44 AM	#2
Oolon Colluphid Contributor Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Alibi: ego ipse hinc extermino Posts: 12,591	Don�t know about squirrels, but here in the UK the main roadkill is hedgehogs. I gather that there is anecdotal evidence showing that they have evolved to keep running when faced with oncoming lights rather than their usual �protection� of curling up... (Actually, that�s unlikely, since most hedgehogs don�t stray onto tarmac anyway (fewer insects and worms than in the verges), but it�s a nice idea...) Oolon

10-21-2002, 08:18 AM	#4
Mageth Contributor Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Deep in the heart of mother-lovin' Texas Posts: 29,689	Armadillos are the true suicide beasts. If you drive over them, missing them with your tires, they'll leap straight up and hit the underside of your car.

10-21-2002, 08:39 AM	#6
butswana Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 1,804	I was driving down a chip and seal back road once. I saw a squirrel dart out on front of me. It didn't get run over it or hit by the muffler. I looked in the rear-view mirror. The little guy was standing on the edge of the road looking at his tail which was about three feet from the edge. I pulled his fucking tail off. Guess his tail did get run over.

10-21-2002, 08:48 AM	#8
Neruda Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Portland, OR, USA Posts: 80	agreed, nailscorva!

10-21-2002, 09:47 AM	#10
RufusAtticus Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: NCSU Posts: 5,853	I saw a squirrel on campus run out into the street, hit the hubcap of a car and run back into the bushes. It was the wierdest hit and run I've ever seen. Then there was the time that I hit a oppossum and it got lodged under my car. I drug it about ten miles and let it sit under my car for two days before I realized it was there.

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