JamesKrieger

I don't get the whole hang-up about premarital sex among religious folk (of course, there are so many of them that speak out against premarital sex yet have it themselves). If anything, abstinence from premarital sex might contribute to problems during marriage.

A healthy, satisfying sex life is an important part to any relationship. If the sex is consistently bad, and there are sexual difficulties, it can cause strain on a relationship. It can cause animosity, frustration, and resentment.

While sexual difficulties can be worked out, this isn't always true. For example, my current girlfriend once dated a guy that she found out she was allergic to. She would literally swell up after having sex with him. Needless to say that was the end of the relationship. Now, what would have happened if they had abstained from sex and waited until marriage, only to find this out after having gotten married? Isn't it better to figure these things out before someone gets married?

Not only that, but sex for the first time with someone, even if you are experienced, can sometimes be awkward and definitely not be pleasureable. It sometimes takes time to learn about your partner and what pleases him/her. So why should the wedding night be this time of awkward, trying-to-figure-the-person-out? That would certainly detract from the enjoyment. I'd much rather have an amazing wedding night with a partner who I already knew well and we could focus on pleasing each other.

When two people are dating, and are both interested in the possibility of marriage down the line, they should explore all aspects of their relationship to ensure that they are compatible, before making that big commitment. And that includes sex. Couples should make sure that they are sexually compatible, and not just compatible on a friendship/emotional level.

Why would you buy a car without test driving it first?

Let's start OPPS...the Organization for the Promotion of Premarital Sex!

GunnerJ

If there's no support issue here, then it doesn't belong here. To GRD!

SLD

But James, It's always worth the wait:


Worth the wait



SLD

Rational BAC

Got me on that one James.

What you say makes a whole lot of sense.

---------But there is nothing greater than a "real" honeymoon for those who do turn out to be sexually compatible and never "done it before". ---------which is most likely the vast majority of people.--I mean the sexual compatibility part.

-- Pheromones and other very natural things usually prevent the unusual cases you are talking about. Aint Mother Nature wonnerful?

There is no real comparison you know.

I do feel sorry for those few who might find out they were sexually incompatible on their wedding night because they never tried it first.-----And of course we all know that that mariage is toast. However, I think that nature makes it so that those unfortunate happenings are really relatively few in number.

But my ex-wife and I were virgins until our wedding night--------and my Gawd the tremendously wonderful and very experimental sex that ensued for the next few days was something I will never forget. I remember that we would be visiting some damned place or other where we honeymooned -------and all of a sudden both of us would get so horny we would literally run back to our hotel to hop in bed again. And that sort of thing happened day after day. And night after night. We did it so many times that after a couple of days we were both walking kind of funny. I wish I was 19 and a virgin again with another virgin. Truly I do. There is no better sex in anyone's lifetime.

Rational BAC

Of course times have changed since 1962 and what my ex-wife and I experienced is almost unheard of today. We got married for a $3 Justice of the Peace fee, plus 50 cents for a blood test--and stayed for our honeymoon in a $5 a night hotel.

And had a GRAND OLD TIME.

Some of my friends have married off their daughters for about $20,000 for their wedding, (both of the couple of course having already lived together for years as is common today)-------makes no difference at all--got to shell out the big bucks for the fancy wedding you know.

You ask the newly wed couple later "How was your Honeymoon?" And there is no sparkle in their eyes. (You can always tell the truth by looking into people's eyes.) Best they can come up with is "It was OK"

OK??----------Give me a break. Honeymoons are never supposed to be just OK.

JamesKrieger

I also think it might be different for two young, very horny virgins. Both are excited and looking forward to experimenting.

My situation was different. I lost my virginity to my current girlfriend at a very late age (29)...very late for a non-religious individual. Don't ask why...I had a rough dating history and it's a long story. Anyway, my girlfriend at 24 was experienced. We planned a special "cherry-popping" getaway to a romantic place. Unfortunately, the whole weekend was fun, except for the sex. I was uptight and nervous, and had trouble getting it up at times. It wasn't very memorable. There was a lot of pressure, since it was a big buildup until that weekend. The first time I had good, memorable sex with my girlfriend was in my apartment, when we weren't planning on doing anything, and it was relaxed and spontaneous. Still, it took some time for me to get comfortable, and now the sex has been great. But I'm very happy that we are having sex before getting married.

Of course, it should be an individual decision for each couple. What is best for one couple may not be best for another. It just bugs me how religious folk think that NO ONE should have sex before they are married.

seebs

The allergy case is something I've never heard of before, and frankly, it sounds like a dumbfuck stupid thing to do to ditch a relationship based on allergies. We have *medicine* for allergies.

If I were given a choice between the friendship I have with my wife, and the sex, I'd take the friendship... If sexual compatibility would nix a relationship, there was no basis for a marriage anyway.

Marriage doesn't mean "license to fuck".

HelenM

I think the person who had an allergic reaction probably did so because she was allergic to the contraceptives being used rather than the other person. Spermicides can be irritating to sensitive people, for example.

Anyway, what you do is up to you. But I don't understand the concept of 'sexual compatibility' as something 'innate' that a given two people either have or don't have. If you and your future spouse trust each other that you will be willing, when married, to figure out how to have great sex together, what's the problem? After all, you have to trust your spouse for all sorts of other things - like, that the two of you can agree on where to live, how often to see your parents, how to raise your children if/when you have them, etc...

If you don't like it that other people try to impose their own values and morals on you, that's another issue...but in saying that people should have sex before marriage, you're seeking to impose yours on them, it sounds like...which is no better, in my opinion.

Helen

Sabine Grant

It cannot be a matter of " should" or " should not". Even in the worst case scenario of two people discovering on their wedding night that their sexual encounter is not satisfying, there is counseling, communication. means to develop a satisfying sexual relationship.
If two individuals experience emotional, mental, intellectual compatibility chances are they will also work together to build a satisfying sexual compatibility. They are supposed to be on the same team.
I cannot imagine sacrifying my marriage and all that it involves because I would not be satisfied sexualy. I agree with Seebs. And Helen M.

Amos

Hello Sabine, good point and may I aks how they would know if it was satisfying or not without an existing idea of satisfaction?

Some people like the no-sex thing to make the forbidden fruit sweeter.