GPLindsey

Fifty years ago, the average age for marriage for women was something like 21, and men just a few years older. Today, the average age for both genders, I'm pretty sure, is in the much later twenties or perhaps now into the thirties. Our whole culture now accepts marriage is something that is best not done just after high school. I didn't get hitched until I was 35--I had to wait to meet the right woman whose eye sight was just bad enough to get her to the alter!

Proponents of abstinence only sex ed programs seem to be in denial of the changed society around them, however. Way back when, if you told an 18-year old to "wait till marriage," it didn't seem that far off. Now, by telling an 18-year old to wait till marriage, you're saying don't have sex for the next 10 to 15 years. This is why abstinence only programs will never work--teenagers can't take it seriously because marriage is something way off in the distant future.

Why can't our society preach what it practices--that sex between adults before marriage is normal and healthy, provided they act responsibly and treat each other with respect. There are risks of pregnancy and STDs, yes--just as there are risks to going for a car ride--but they can be minimized with safe sex practices and by keeping sex to partners you know well and care about. The downside of abstinence until marriage is significant: years of sexual frustration and pleasures denied; failed relationships with partners who didn't agree with your desire to wait for marriage; and panic, as our bodies continue to age and the "sexiness" of our youth morphs into disgusting fat bodies.

Sex between responsible unmarried adults is normal and healthy and MORAL--if the schools won't teach that to my kids, I will!!!

RevDahlia

Ayup. Also teenagers, especially girls, are reaching sexual maturity younger and younger. 100 years ago the average age of first menses was 16. Now I believe it's 12, and girls who first menstruate at 8 or 9 are becoming more common. Even putting aside the social issue, there's the biological one -- that never before in human history have fertile people been expected to wait so long for sex.

I'm not saying that 12-year-olds should have sex, but demanding that sexually mature people wait 20 years to have sex seems unrealistic.

(edited to fix tortured grammar)

Grad Student Humanist

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The belief that one must wait until marriage before having sex is strictly a religious belief. There is nothing wrong or immoral about two consenting adults choosing to have sex.

I'm all for urging teens to abstain from sex. Let's face it, teens aren't the most responsible people in the world when it comes to properly using brith control and wisely choosing sexual partners. And there are way too many teen girls getting pregnant (and too many teen boys getting them pregnant).

However, the religionists take this way too far and assert that it is wrong for anyone who is not married to have sex. And that, much like the rest of their religious dogma, is bullshit.

RevDahlia

Minor quibble... a goodly number of "teen pregnancies" are caused by adult men, not teenage boys, which kind of compromises the common belief that teen pregnancy is exclusively the result of teenage lack of judgement.

I think the emotional aspect of sex, ie choosing a good partner and respecting them and oneself, is neglected even with "comprehensive" sex education. Were that not the case, I think that we'd see fewer problems with teens and sex.

openeyes

I echo the general sentiment of this thread. Although I think one is more likely to make fewer major mistakes holding off having sex until 18 or so, waiting until marriage isn't realistic or useful either. That's why they need to teach more than abstinence in high school.

lpetrich

Does this, by any chance, include masturbation or other alternative sex acts?

Grad Student Humanist

No, why would it? Mastrubation isn't sex and it doesn't carry the same risks as intercourse.

Jennie

And if you go back more than fifty years, then people frequently married even earlier than eighteen.

I think the general population would have kitties if sex ed tried to teach masturbation techniques; though it would make sense. I've heard too, that there is more oral sex going on in teens nowadays. You can apparently track it by instances of STD's in teens' mouths and oral herpes down below. At least they won't get pregnant, but they do need to be warned that diseases can be transferred via this route too. Come to think of it, I'm not sure how you'd do safe oral sex myself.

EspressoSnail

Oh there was a website I saw... erg... I'll try to find the url again.
It suggested using saranwrap or a condom without any sort of spermicide jelly on it (and something about flavored ones).
*does some searching* Er... well I'm not finding the page I was thinking of but I did find this. Safer Oral Sex

Jackalope

A condom slit open lengthwise or a dental dam are the common ways of doing safe oral sex. Some shops sell a little garterbelt-like thing to hold the dental dam in place. I've also seen thin latex panties sold for the same purpose.
dental dams
extra-large dental dams
Latex Hot Pants
Strawberry-scented dams
Vanilla creme-scented dams
Lixx strawberry dams
Non-latex dam

And something that pegs even my bizarre-o-meter:
Glow in the Dark condoms