Freethought & Rationalism Archive

ecco · 01-23-2003, 08:07 AM

From JREF.ORG

My teacher has told me all the answers that I need are in the Bible, and I believe that. Determined to be a good Christian, I'm up at Bible college right now, but I'm going home on Friday and I need some advice.
Now, my dad and I are thinking about selling my sister off into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's in college, pretty smart, very attractive, she has good manners and she's very friendly. What price do you think we could get for her on the open market?

After we get that finished, I have another problem. My father keeps insisting on going to the office to do some work every Sunday after church gets out. Exodus 35:2 says that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill my father myself? I don't really want to do that, I love him a lot. So, should I call in someone else?

Here's another problem: My hometown football team has made it to the playoff game, but I'm worried about them. Leviticus 11:7 says that touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Can they still play in the playoff game? Should we get rid of footballs and use something else?

Also, does the entire town really have to get together to stone my Uncle Herald for planting different crops side by side? He's farmed his whole life and knows this is good for the land. Thing is, there are over 2,500 people in my town and it's going to be hard to get them all together to stone my uncle to death.

Last thing, I noticed my mom has a sweatshirt that is 50% cotton and 50% polyester. Do we really need to burn her to death with a small family gathering for wearing garments made of two different threads? It wouldn't be Christmas without mom.

I hope you can answer these questions for me before I have to go home on Friday. Thanks for the help!!!

kale27 · 01-23-2003, 08:35 AM

That's pretty funny!

beyelzu · 01-23-2003, 09:11 AM

ecco,

i intend to steal every last one of those statements the next time a xian tells me that it is impossible to have valid morality as an atheist.

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

ceb · 01-23-2003, 05:39 PM

Sounds like the email that makes the rounds every so often:

Quote:

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination. ~Leviticus 18:22

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?
But his inwards and his legs shall he wash in water: and the priest shall burn all on the altar, [to be] a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD. ~Leviticus 1:9

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do. ~Exodus 21:7

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Leviticus 15:19 The woman, who at the return of the month, etc., etc., etc., shall be separated seven days. Every one that toucheth her, shall be unclean until the evening. And every thing that she sleepeth on, or that she sitteth on in the days of her separation, shall be defiled etc., etc., etc. ~Leviticus 15:19 thru 23

Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, [shall be] of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids. ~Leviticus 25:44

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the LORD: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death. ~Exodus

In Lev 1:5 and 1:6 it says someone has to kill a bull, splatter it's blood all around the alter, then flay it till it's torn apart. Do I have to do that myself, or can I just pay a Goth to do it for me?
And he shall kill the bullock before Jehovah: and Aaron's sons, the priests, shall present the blood, and sprinkle the blood round about upon the altar that is at the door of the tent of meeting. And he shall flay the burnt-offering, and cut it into its pieces. ~Leviticus 1:5-6

A couple of verses that have really concerned me, Dr. Laura, are Lev 7:22-25. They say a low fat diet is just not going to cut it, not even close. And to be perfectly honest, my favorite restaurants are Burger King and Popeye's Chicken. So here's my questions: if I have to be cut off from the people, can I still work from home? If not, can I work from a motel room as long as I stay away from my family?
And Jehovah spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, Ye shall eat no fat, of ox, or sheep, or goat. And the fat of that which dieth of itself, and the fat of that which is torn of beasts, may be used for any other service; but ye shall in no wise eat of it. For whosoever eateth the fat of the beast, of which men offer an offering made by fire unto Jehovah, even the soul that eateth it shall be cut off from his people. ~Leviticus 7:22-25

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

A Fan

Psycho Economist · 01-23-2003, 05:59 PM

I've been fond of that one since Alan Dershowitz read it off to Alan Keyes on some debate on C-SPAN... but the ones in the original post are more obscure and pointless.

Radorth · 01-23-2003, 08:29 PM

Always read the scriptures cited folks, and the context. Comments on them here by Bible trolls are often very misleading.

Rad

Bobzammel · 01-24-2003, 05:24 AM

Wasn't this also on the "West Wing"?

Anyway, Christians claim that the Mosaic Law no longer applies, which contradicts a huge amount of the Old Testament. Nevertheless, they continue to qoute it despite to justify condemnation of homosexuals.

godfry n. glad · 01-24-2003, 10:27 AM

If the Christians say that the Mosaic Laws no longer apply, then why all the flap about posting the Ten Commandments in courthouses across the land?

Yeah, I've heard those appeals to Leviticus regarding homosexuality and I've always wondered whether all those folks using that source realize they're conveniently ignoring the Levitical directives about blended cloth and shellfish. I've been known to turn about and point out that the cotton/poly blend shirt they were wearing makes them an "a-BOM-i-NA-tion in the EYES of the LARD." Likewise with enjoying the all-you-can-eat shrimp special at the local seafood place. Even a eating a cheeseburger can garner one "a-BOM-i-NA-tion" status....after all, it's a direct violation of the tenth commandment (if you pick the right set of ten commandments, that is...). Shaving?...a-BOM-i-NA-tion.

It's all the result of "salad bar Christianity"...pick and choose what you want to observe and ignore the rest. Hypocrites, one and all.

godfry n. glad

P.S. - I'm still trying to determine why they won't let me own a Canadian.

penumbra · 01-24-2003, 10:38 AM

from godfry n. glad
"P.S. - I'm still trying to determine why they won't let me own a Canadian."

It only seems that way, cause those folks up Seattle way buy 'em all before they can get this far south!

Strawberry · 01-24-2003, 05:36 PM

( :: Frantically cleaning snorted-out Pepsi out of the computer keyboard :: )

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

01-23-2003, 08:07 AM	#1
ecco Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: SE Posts: 4,845	Don't take it too seriously From JREF.ORG My teacher has told me all the answers that I need are in the Bible, and I believe that. Determined to be a good Christian, I'm up at Bible college right now, but I'm going home on Friday and I need some advice. Now, my dad and I are thinking about selling my sister off into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's in college, pretty smart, very attractive, she has good manners and she's very friendly. What price do you think we could get for her on the open market? After we get that finished, I have another problem. My father keeps insisting on going to the office to do some work every Sunday after church gets out. Exodus 35:2 says that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill my father myself? I don't really want to do that, I love him a lot. So, should I call in someone else? Here's another problem: My hometown football team has made it to the playoff game, but I'm worried about them. Leviticus 11:7 says that touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Can they still play in the playoff game? Should we get rid of footballs and use something else? Also, does the entire town really have to get together to stone my Uncle Herald for planting different crops side by side? He's farmed his whole life and knows this is good for the land. Thing is, there are over 2,500 people in my town and it's going to be hard to get them all together to stone my uncle to death. Last thing, I noticed my mom has a sweatshirt that is 50% cotton and 50% polyester. Do we really need to burn her to death with a small family gathering for wearing garments made of two different threads? It wouldn't be Christmas without mom. I hope you can answer these questions for me before I have to go home on Friday. Thanks for the help!!!

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version	Search this Thread: Advanced Search

01-23-2003, 08:35 AM	#2
kale27 New Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 1	That's pretty funny!

01-23-2003, 09:11 AM	#3
beyelzu Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: the peach state ga I am a metaphysical naturalist Posts: 2,869	ecco, i intend to steal every last one of those statements the next time a xian tells me that it is impossible to have valid morality as an atheist. :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

01-23-2003, 05:59 PM	#5
Psycho Economist Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Peoria, IL Posts: 854	I've been fond of that one since Alan Dershowitz read it off to Alan Keyes on some debate on C-SPAN... but the ones in the original post are more obscure and pointless.

01-23-2003, 08:29 PM	#6
Radorth Veteran Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 1,872	Always read the scriptures cited folks, and the context. Comments on them here by Bible trolls are often very misleading. Rad

01-24-2003, 05:24 AM	#7
Bobzammel Regular Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Boston Posts: 276	Wasn't this also on the "West Wing"? Anyway, Christians claim that the Mosaic Law no longer applies, which contradicts a huge amount of the Old Testament. Nevertheless, they continue to qoute it despite to justify condemnation of homosexuals.

01-24-2003, 10:27 AM	#8
godfry n. glad Banned Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: portland, oregon, usa Posts: 1,190	If the Christians say that the Mosaic Laws no longer apply, then why all the flap about posting the Ten Commandments in courthouses across the land? Yeah, I've heard those appeals to Leviticus regarding homosexuality and I've always wondered whether all those folks using that source realize they're conveniently ignoring the Levitical directives about blended cloth and shellfish. I've been known to turn about and point out that the cotton/poly blend shirt they were wearing makes them an "a-BOM-i-NA-tion in the EYES of the LARD." Likewise with enjoying the all-you-can-eat shrimp special at the local seafood place. Even a eating a cheeseburger can garner one "a-BOM-i-NA-tion" status....after all, it's a direct violation of the tenth commandment (if you pick the right set of ten commandments, that is...). Shaving?...a-BOM-i-NA-tion. It's all the result of "salad bar Christianity"...pick and choose what you want to observe and ignore the rest. Hypocrites, one and all. godfry n. glad P.S. - I'm still trying to determine why they won't let me own a Canadian.

01-24-2003, 10:38 AM	#9
penumbra Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 1,938	from godfry n. glad "P.S. - I'm still trying to determine why they won't let me own a Canadian." It only seems that way, cause those folks up Seattle way buy 'em all before they can get this far south!

01-24-2003, 05:36 PM	#10
Strawberry Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Lancaster, PA/Toronto, ON, Canada Posts: 627	( :: Frantically cleaning snorted-out Pepsi out of the computer keyboard :: ) :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

Freethought & Rationalism Archive

The archives are read only.