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Freethought & Rationalism ArchiveThe archives are read only. |
07-24-2003, 08:25 AM
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#1 |
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"Cast" The Bible
OK, you are the movie mogul and you've got the script for the bible. How do you cast all the major roles.
Who is Satan, who is god, who is JC, who are Adam and Eve, who are the four horsemen of the apocalypse, who is mary magdalene. All living thesbians are fair game. God - Elizabeth Taylor as she is in 2003 Satan - Paul Reubens, or Steve Buscemi (full of self loathing, and self agrandizement) Jesus - Denzel Washington Mary - Madonna Joseph - Ray Romano (I'd rather fuck god than him too) Judas - Dennis Leary Four Horsemen - (Danny Glover, Clint Eastwood, Gene Hackman, and Willem Defoe) Pontius Pilot - Dom Deluise Caesar - David Bowie (again) Moses - The animated colonel Sanders character from KFC commercials. Pharoah - Robin Williams Cain - Steven Baldwin Abel - William Baldwin Mary Magdalene - Olivia Newton John Adam - Ron Jeremy Eve - Pamela Anderson (but as a brunette) |
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07-24-2003, 08:35 AM
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#2 |
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Job - Rodney Dangerfield
Lot - James Spader Lot's Daughters - The olsen twins The Angel Gabriel - Christopher Walken (again) The AntiChrist - Elijah Wood (it's never who you expect) The soldier who spears christ at the crucifiction (Macauley Culkin) Matthew - Robert Deniro Paul - Yahoo Serious Solomon - John Goodman |
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07-24-2003, 08:53 AM
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#3 |
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God: Nathan Lane
Satan: Reuben Blades Jesus: Flea Mary: Uma Thurman Joseph: Tom Selleck Judas: Kevin Spacey Four Horsemen: Metallica Pontius Pilot: James Gandolfini Caesar: Wilford Brimley Moses: Ben Stiller Pharoah: Woody Allen Cain: Henry Rollins Abel: Jeff Daniels Mary Magdalene: Sela Ward Adam: Glenn Danzig Eve: Laura Dern Thief on Cross One: Keanu Reeves Thief on Cross Two: William Macy |
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07-24-2003, 08:58 AM
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#4 |
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God - Marlon Brando
Jesus - Al Pacino Peter - Robert Duvall I think you get my drift. David - anybody but Richard Gere |
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07-24-2003, 09:03 AM
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#5 |
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Hmmmm...interesting, lets see what I come up with.
God - Joe Pesci Satan - Richard Moll Jesus - Antonio Banderas Mary - Demi Moore (Hey she looked pretty good pregnant) Joseph - Richard Simmons Judas - Pierce Brosnan Four Horsemen- Yanni, John Tesh, Kenny G and Mainheim Steamroller Pontius Pilate - Don Rickles Ceasar - Ricardo Maltebahn Moses - Jack Nicholson "Let my people go!" Pharoah - The Rock Cain - Cheech Abel - Chong Mary Magdelene - Angelina Jole Eve - Britney Spears Adam - Ozzy osbourne The Anitichrist - Anna Nichole Smith The 12 Disciples - The Village People and the Defensive line for the Green Bay Packers. |
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07-24-2003, 09:09 AM
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#6 |
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God: Wilfred Brimley
Adam: Adam Sandler Eve: Drew Barrymore Cain: David Spade Able: Chris Farley Noah and wife: Steve and Terry Irwin (Crikey!) Moses: Michael Moore Pharoah: Marlon Brando (1972) Job: Woody Allen Satan: Diane Keaton  Jesus: Jackie Chan Joseph: John C. Reilly Mary: Jane Kaczmarek Judas: Seth Green Head Pharisee: David Cross Pontius Pilot: John de Lancie Peter: Sean Hayes Mary Magdelene: Roseanne Barr Herod: Eminem Solome: Shakira John the Baptist: Donny Osmond |
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07-24-2003, 09:12 AM
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#7 |
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Oops...hit 'quote' instead of 'edit'.
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07-24-2003, 10:08 AM
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#8 |
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God - Dan Castlenetta (using Homer Simpson voice and character)
Jesus - Scott Stapp (from Creed, because he has been acting the part for his whole career) Satan - Jesse Jackson Mary - Martha Stuart (pius little wench) Joeseph - Ray Romano 12 Disciples - SCOTUS Moses - Ahhhnold (future Gov of Cali) Judas - Bill O'Reily Job - Rodney Dangerfield Mary Magdelane - Jules Asner 4 Horsemen - Bush, Rumsfeild, Powell, Wolfowitz Pharoh - The Rock |
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07-24-2003, 10:15 AM
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#9 |
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12 Disciples - SCOTUS
That would be nine, last time I counted. |
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07-24-2003, 10:35 AM
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#10 |
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God - Steve Allen
Adam - Tom Arnold Eve - Rosanne Cain - Jeff Daniels Abel - Jim Carrey Abraham - Charlton Heston Sarah - Liz Taylor Ishmael - Forrest Whittaker Lot - Bill Gates Lot's wife - Fran Drescher Old Issac - Muhammod Ali Rebekkah - Hilary Clinton Esau - Greg Kinnear Jacob - The Rock Israel - Woody Allen Rachael - Drew Barrymore Leah - Monica Lewinsky Joseph - Keanu Reeves Guard Officier's Wife - Tonya Harding Pharoah - Christopher Walken Magicians - Blue Man Group Moses - Gary Coleman "Whadya talkin' 'bout" Zipporah - Lorena Bobbit (That's fucking funny if you get it) Can't think of his darn name - Chris Jericho David - Davey of Davey and Goliath |
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