notMichaelJackson

Rev. Lovejoy told Marge this. What verse are the two of you refering to?

Oxidizing Material

what.

Not everything in life is a Simpson's reference. I was being flippant. kthx

notMichaelJackson

Since I have heard the bathroom remark from two sources (you and Rev. Lovejoy), I wanted to see exactly what verse made this commandment.

winstonjen

Somewhere in the books of law, it states that men who urinate become 'unclean'. It also applies to any discharge from the penis.

missus_gumby

The biblical instructions for executing a dump can be found at Deuteronomy 23:11-14:

(bolding mine)

So it looks as though the christian god wanted his heroic warriors to dig a hole, do a merry poop, and cover the resulting produce with dirt. Why? Because god didn't want to squish down upon the tribal nuggets when he was walking through their camp. Well, it makes a mess on your godly sandals doesn't it?

Martin

Ronin

Here it is:

Leviticus 15 ~


15:1
And the LORD spake unto Moses and to Aaron, saying,

15:2
Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When any man hath a running issue out of his flesh, because of his issue he is unclean.

15:3
And this shall be his uncleanness in his issue: whether his flesh run with his issue, or his flesh be stopped from his issue, it is his uncleanness.

15:4
Every bed, whereon he lieth that hath the issue, is unclean: and every thing, whereon he sitteth, shall be unclean.

15:5
And whosoever toucheth his bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

15:6
And he that sitteth on any thing whereon he sat that hath the issue shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

15:7
And he that toucheth the flesh of him that hath the issue shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

15:8
And if he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean; then he shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

15:9
And what saddle soever he rideth upon that hath the issue shall be unclean.

15:10
And whosoever toucheth any thing that was under him shall be unclean until the even: and he that beareth any of those things shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

15:11
And whomsoever he toucheth that hath the issue, and hath not rinsed his hands in water, he shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

15:12
And the vessel of earth, that he toucheth which hath the issue, shall be broken: and every vessel of wood shall be rinsed in water.

15:13
And when he that hath an issue is cleansed of his issue; then he shall number to himself seven days for his cleansing, and wash his clothes, and bathe his flesh in running water, and shall be clean.

15:14
And on the eighth day he shall take to him two turtledoves, or two young pigeons, and come before the LORD unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and give them unto the priest:

15:15
And the priest shall offer them, the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for him before the LORD for his issue.

That people read and make sense of this astounds me to this day.

Secular Pinoy

But every sperm is sacred!

missus_gumby

DAD:

There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,
Because
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

CHILDREN:

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

GIRL:

Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

CHILDREN:

Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

MUM:

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

MEN:

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.

WOMEN:

If a sperm is wasted,...

CHILDREN:

...God get quite irate.

PRIEST:

Every sperm is sacred.

BRIDE and GROOM:

Every sperm is good.

NANNIES:

Every sperm is needed...

CARDINALS:

...In your neighbourhood!

CHILDREN:

Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.

FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody's.

MOURNER #1:

Mine!

MOURNER #2:

And mine!

CORPSE:

And mine!

NUN:

Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.

HOLY STATUES:

God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

EVERYONE:

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!

Zora

Yes, I got about that far into the OT...and figured out it was complete garbage. The sperm song is really funny.

RE: poop and cover..had some JW's come to the house with their little pamphlets. They had a section in there about how great it was to cover the crap, how God had taught them this wonderful act of cleanliness.

I suggested that perhaps the writers had observed a cat. Didn't go over well.

Unbelievable.

Ramen

Is there a verse in the Bible condemning uncircumcised men and their dick boogers?