JamesKrieger

Yes, it happened to my girlfriend. She had sex with a man who was so well-endowed that it was painful for her...and she said she would never do it again.

alek0

Yes, it happens. 10 inches, as wide as my wrist is way too big.
There is also the other extreme, so small that it is hard to feel anything. There are also other possible problems, i.e. premature ejaculation which is not easy to fix. Differences in how often is optimal for each would also be difficult to work out. If you don't feel like it, you don't feel like it and that's it. But the you should find a partner who has similar needs and not the one who wants it at least once every day.

IMO, sex is important part of a relationship. To some people it is more important, to others it is less important. Some marriages break because of one partner's awful snoring which imo wouldn't be as bad as if it would be if he couldn't last longer than 20 seconds. People are different and have different priorities. While some may be ok with waiting till marriage, I don't think it is a good rule in general.

jayh

I agree wholeheartedly.

Too many unsuccessful young marriages are driven by the couple's sexual desparation, which tends to to see marriage, any marriage as a potential happy solution.

Sex, as well as lifestyle, money issues, etc. constitute complex issues that can really stress a marriage. Some people are really not well suited to one another in one or more of these areas, and nothing short of actully living together will sort that out.

I would go a bit farther. It's probably best if one's experience included more than just one's eventual spouse. My first marriage (was a fundy then) involved two virgins. After that ended, I really wasn't interested in dating a woman who was a virgin, I didn't want to go through that again. Experience in sex and relationships is every bit as useful as experience in auto mechanics. My gf (we will eventually be married) and I have a stable comfortable relationship, I know that, having had sufficient experience, I no longer have any interest in outside 'explorations', during my first marriage I constantly struggled with curiosity about what it would be like with someone else (having only been with one person).

Some comments on other statements in this thread:

>>I don't believe that the sexual relationship in a marriage will make or break it if the rest of the marriage is on a good basis <<

This simply argues that it is possible to sort it out after marriage, it provides no valid reason for working with that constraint intentionally.

>>It cannot be a matter of " should" or " should not". Even in the worst case scenario of two people discovering on their wedding night that their sexual encounter is not satisfying, there is counseling, communication. means to develop a satisfying sexual relationship.
<<

But why should they be placed in this situation just to satisfy some arbitrary cultural 'value'?

>>After all, you have to trust your spouse for all sorts of other things - like, that the two of you can agree on where to live, how often to see your parents, how to raise your children if/when you have them, etc...

<<

And if you wait till after marriage before addressing these issues, you are heading for disaster. Why treat sex any different.

>>You ask the newly wed couple later "How was your Honeymoon?" And there is no sparkle in their eyes. (You can always tell the truth by looking into people's eyes.) Best they can come up with is "It was OK"

<<

This is a really wacky argument. Essentially saying that they go into marriage without any knowledge of their sexual compatibility (as well as other compatibilities of actually living together) so that their honeymoon will be more intense????? Damn that is freakin backwards.

>>my Gawd the tremendously wonderful and very experimental sex that ensued for the next few days was something I will never forget<<

I've been through this with a number of relationships. It doesn't justify going into a marriage blind.

>>If I were given a choice between the friendship I have with my wife, and the sex, I'd take the friendship... If sexual compatibility would nix a relationship, there was no basis for a marriage anyway. <<

But if you learn this before marriage, and choose to go ahead, you can do so with clear head and honest expectations. If you find out after marriage, you have that sense that now you are trapped and you have to 'make the best of it'. Not healthy for a relationship.

Opera Nut

My BF is a perfect argument for sex before marriage.

He married the first girl that said she would do it with him, he was 23 and a virgin when he married, and she was a complete imbecile and frigid as well -- had no idea what sexual desire was apparently.

He said if he had it to do over again he would have dated more and had sex, so he wouldn't have to be trapped in a marriage to an idiot just feel what a girl was like.

Then there is also the problem of the person who marries the first person they sleep with, either before or after marriage, and then eventually they start wondering what sex with another person is like -- especially since penis size and vagina size and people size vary all over the map. Personality, basic body smell, etc. WHich curiosity often leads to affairs.

4 inches isn't big enough, and the length and girth of my forearm is waaaayyyy too big.
For the record my forearm is 9 inches long, 10 inches around at the elbow and 6 inches around at the wrist. I dated a guy who had a dick exactly like my arm, thick at the bottom and thinner but still awfully big at the top.

NO way in hell. He needed a woman that was six feet tall approximately with a very wide wheelbase.

Opera Nut

Besides my boyfriend's prior two wives were frigid, didn't know about sexual pleasure and thought it was sinful. They just laid there, and the second one apparently faked big O's.

They also both withheld sex for him not buying them stuff, which is a semi professional whore to me.

He was naive and didn't know about a woman that enjoys sex, groans and moans with pleasure and has mind blowing big O's.
Not until he met me.

I'm the third person he's ever slept with and he's in his 50s.

Calzaer

Damn!

I'm hoping to have 13 women before I'm 25, but that's just one of those "shoot for the moon" goals.

Opera Nut

He's a typical math/computer/physics nerd, but he's ggood looking in my opinion, and a damn nice guy!! just shy.

Fortunately he is also a crazy musician, and a dog person, and very considerate and sensitive. He wanted to be the next Einstein and his grad school career got shot to hell

I love him, I finally met the guy I couldn't live without.
Only took me 40 years.

ComestibleVenom

Atchung!

If you are not going to get married, it's not pre-marital sex. It's non-marital sex.

Got it?

HelenM

I understand that this is your personal preference and maybe the one of others here too - but there are lots of people don't feel the need to 'comparison shop', who marry someone for who they are.

Helen

HelenM

I don't think everyone wonders about that to the point of it putting their marriage at risk.

Or if they do, maybe the marriage is doomed anyway. Marriage takes a certain amount of commitment. It involves trying to make things work with the person you're with rather than wondering if it would be better with someone else.

Helen