Vicar Philip

Helen,

The plan is I am meeting him by myself on the 22nd, and will inform him of everything at that time. Then she & I will both meet him on the 28th.

As far as her crazy work schedule, she's only going to continue her day job for another 2.5 months, til April. We've seen some noticeable changes in the kids since she began working all these hours, the worst of which has manifested itself as stuttering in our 3-year old daughter. Not good. My wife knows quitting will be better for everyone. We'll just have to get by money-wise, we always do.

I always bitch about her depression, and right now it's me who is depressed. I thought I had a gig lined up where I could play bass in a classic rock band, but that fell through. On top of that all this damn fighting we've been doing, all for naught. I've got a boss who is a dreamer, and unfortunately all of his dreams wind up being technically intensive, and so of course get dumped in my lap.
:boohoo: poor Darren.

With this whole religion thing, I'm just about to the point where I'm going to say to my wife, I'm an atheist. Deal with it.

Fuck it.

Darren

HelenM

Hi Darren, hey, I'd be surprised if you weren't depressed, with all that's been going on. It has to be awful.

I'm glad you're going by yourself, first. I hope that he will respect what's important to you and listen to you. I recommend you decide ahead of time what you want to talk about and then be careful to direct the conversation, so you cover those things. So, if you feel he is spending more time than you want on religious stuff, you can say "I don't mind discussing these at another time, but can we focus on my marriage, because my wife has been seriously threatening to leave and I need to decide whether to just give in and say "sure" - because I'm tired of the fighting and her moodiness - or whether to stick it out. And if you think I ought to stick it out I could sure do with a bit of encouragement right now...because it's not been easy..."

Maybe you wouldn't say all that but - my point is, please don't let the appointment time go by without getting to what really matters to you...

take care
Helen

HelenM

Darren, if I may ask you a question: since your wife evidently thinks your deconversion is the cause of all your wife's problems, was everything perfect for her when you were a Christian? And if not how does she reconcile that with blaming every problem she has now, on your deconversion?

Helen

BadBadBad

Com'on Helen, she's just one of God's mournful and begging little sinners. Leave her alone. Jesus is taking care of that. What we're dealing with here is way beyond simple sin. He has rejected God almighty. Throughout this entire thread, why haven't you had anything to say about that? There's way more than this marriage at stake here. We need to focus more on Darren. He's the key. If we want to save this marriage, we need to focus on Satan and his hold over Darren.

Or, do you think he's beyond hope, damned by God, a completely lost soul not worthy of your time and effort? Let's be even in this christian advice. Let's be sure we have something for both sides, and that we hit the crux of the problem and focus on God's solution.

Is it that you can't say what's on your mind and still stay within the guidlines on this board. E-mail us. Don't be bashful about Jesus. We have the work of the Lord to do here. Maybe we should pick up this thread and mine on one of your Baptist boards instead. Then we can skip all this dreadful secular advise altogether.

Sorry, Helen, I know you mean well, but really.

Evil Milkman

Dreadful? Yeah, maybe Jesus will make things better. Give me a break... You're on a secular board, Brettc.

P.S. I hope you weren't joking, by the way. Otherwise, I'd feel like a twit.

Darren, thanks for keeping us informed. You're a good man.

LordSnooty

Brett, when you post sarcasm you ought to include some clues! I got frightened for a moment.

Paul

BadBadBad

I'm an atheist. I've been posting here for several months on my own marital problems, very similar to Darren's. This thread, Atheist and Christian counselling, and mine, fundie wife brainwashed kids, have left a foul taste in my mouth from all the christian lite posts. This sarcastic post of mine has bled over from the counselling thread, and it's intended to put this christian advice in context to christian doctrine and what we as atheists are exposed to every day. These christians are sitting here over and over saying we should go to the pastor to solve our problems, and we should hold our wives to her submissive worshiping bible role. Get real!

They are stuck with christianity. They can't whitewash it. They can't euphemize it. They are stuck with it. It is what it is, and it's not a pretty picture.

Sorry, that you didn't catch the sarcasm. I wondered where the atheists were.

seebs

Huh? Who said that? Not I. I suggested that, since Darren's wife has a very strong preference for talking to the pastor, he should probably try that first, because I believe many pastors are actually fairly competent to give advise.

Furthermore, you're comparing apples and oranges; fundies aren't much like Methodists.

I understand that you've had bad experiences, but at this point, you're just lying about other posters to bash them and make yourself feel good.

Your complaints are beautifully inconsistent. The reason Christianity is an entirely bad thing is that it's so extreme. Anyone who holds mild beliefs is *obviously* not *really* a Christian.

I understand your complaint about your wife being a fundie; what I want to know is, why are you letting her define the way you interact with a goodly percentage of the world's population, instead of letting us speak for ourselves?

Helen has been supportive and helpful throughout, and I think her advice has been well-considered and appropriate.

pescifish

brettc,
This is Vicar Philip's support thread and he has not only been open to the opinions of the theists, he has actually asked for them.

HelenM's response to Intensity in another thread is a similar case. Please keep this in mind while commenting in support threads for other posters. Also, please read your PM.

It's good to see you around again,

pescifish, moderator SL&S

red robot

I'm joining this thread late (fiiiinally got through reading it all!). Darren, you've had amazing patience through this all; I think it's really commendable how hard you're working to make your marriage a success. I believe you will make it through this ...

... if your wife gets hep. I agree with Helen; you should talk to the pastor and tell him you really want to make things work with your wife, you want that to be the focus of these sessions.

I also think that you should tell him that you're worried about her health, that you think she may need medication and regular counselling (perhaps you can tell him about the comment she made re: the commercial or relate her behavior to someone else you know (?) who's exibited similar behavior and was later diagnosed bipolar).

It doesn't seem like you can bring this up with your wife directly given the tensions between you (to say the least), but perhaps she would listen to the pastor. Could you trust him to keep your discussion in confidence? Perhaps bring this up to your wife as if it was his own idea or that on an anonymous worried church member? She may be more receptive to him than she would be to you.

I think getting her emotional problems under control would help the situation greatly. If you make that your priority (do it tactfully), and she gets help, other things may start to fall into place.

Again, the amout of effort you're putting into your marriage is truly admirable. Sorry you're experiencing so much pain.

rr