HelenM

Where did I say that? I'd appreciate it if you'd either back up statements like that by quoting me or refrain from saying them altogether.

Helen

HelenM

Can you be more specific?

Well, obviously it isn't, if you are talking about problems that cant be solved.

I haven't ever said that problems which cant be solved can be solved by working harder. Why would I say something like that?

Trying to make what work? What was the specific problem?

Anyway evidently you thought or at least hoped it was resolvable for five years, then. It can't be as clear-cut as all that that it wasn't, if you spent five years trying.

Anyway, since you've posted nothing specific how can I possibly venture an opinion on whether you were up against a resolvable problem or not?

Did I say you lost anything?

In general I agree with that approach except I think that two people can know enough about each other without having sex together or living together to be fairly sure that being married to each other will work out well for them. And as I just wrote in another post, no-one can be absolutely sure anyway, even if they do have sex together and live together, because people change and there are always some surprises.

You are posting to me as if I have condemned and judged you and told you not to do what you are doing or have done. I don't see why because a) most of my posts aren't to you b) I have said repeatedly in my responses on this thread "what you do is up to you".

Helen

seebs

Agreed.

Huh?

It's not as though there's a timer for each problem, and, from the first time you have sex, you have to wait exactly three years until your sex will be any good, or anything like that.

The only other interpretation I can make is that you think people should look for relationships in which there aren't any big problems that need to be resolved, which I would say is a lot more hopelessly naive than any kind of starry-eyed visions of perfect honeymoons.

Who said anything about entering a relationship blind? If I were to pick two relationships, and identify one of them as "blind"... The one where they've spent a year or two getting to know each other and talking about their goals, but never had sex, wouldn't even stand a chance against the one where they've fucked a lot, and because their hormones are all happy, they think everything's cool. That is entering a relationship blind.

If we're to debate rediculous straw men, let's have it be straw men on both sides.

cheetah

Sorry, this is from PAGES ago, but I just found this thread and am going through it. This did happen to me! One of my boyfriends was so large (Oh geez, I don't know how graphic I should get here...), I would get a tear each time. Sometimes it would bleed a little, it always stung, made urination painful, etc. So, after a while, even though we were really horny, I was also kind of scared of having sex, and couldn't lubricate, know what I mean? So, that was even worse! Dry and big! That's not what caused the break up, but we never really solved the problem.

cheetah

What? Why not? People who didn't wait till marriage still have a first time or a special time on a special trip, maybe. What is it about the piece of paper and party that makes a married couple's first time more special than a non-married couples? This is again something which I guess you can't compare. If your first time was in marriage, you cannot compare it to non-married first-timers experience or vice-versa. But, just so you know, my first time with my partner was special, a little silly, fun, daring, I was a little nervous, and very much filled with love. I still remember it easily and that was almost 7 years ago! not only that, but it wasn't even my first time, just my first time with him, and I can tell you I am sure I had a sparkle in my eye!

cheetah

WTF? Besides the very tenuous logic here, I just can't imagine that there is any EVIDENCE to support this claim!

seebs

Nothing.

There is something about a life-long committment that may make a difference, however.

seebs

Well, in the extreme case, I have known people who, because they've had sex with many partners, invariably conclude that a relationship "isn't working out" once the newness of a given partner wears off, because they've come to mistake the "new partner" vibe for "being in love".

Not many, but it can happen.

JamesKrieger

Yes. Replace "sex" with any thing else in this claim, and you can see how messed up Eagel4Jesus's reasoning really is.

"One problem with good looks is people will marry someone because they look so good, and then they don't look so good and you get another divorce....therefore, good looks encourages more marriages and therefore more divorce."

"One problem with being rich is people will marry someone because they are rich, and then they end up not being rich and you get another divorce...therefore, being rich encourages more marriages and therefore more divorce."

"One problem with being intelligent is that people will marry someone because they are intelligent, and then they end up not being as intelligent as originally thought and you get another divorce...therefore, being intelligent encourages more marriages and therefore more divorce."

JamesKrieger

But isn't this a problem with the individual, and not with premarital sex?