hope's daughter

Who said I was jibbing? I'a jammin' jammin' in the name of the LORD. Hey i know some f my posts might seem pointless to you guys but if you want to continue the fight you got to get back into the ring. My mind has had a work over guys. I hope you can understand that. And also those people who professed that they loved me and were Christians I now have been exposed to their diabolical ways. Yes. diabolical. My religion to them is an illness.

I will come back later for the answer to the other post of Soul I just wanted to check in so people knew I was still breathing. If I didin't answer anyone elese post it is not because I am heartless and don't care. Thanks guys. I do love you. Please trust me on this.

HelenM

...who think you have an illness, don't they, hd?

Are you sure they're wrong? I know you suspect your husband's intentions in having you forced into treatment. Do you also suspect your sons' motives?

Helen

hope's daughter

Helen,

I don't know how to feel about all this but I will try to answer as best I can. I think they became jealous because I like to discuss theology on these boards. I actually believe that you can witness here and individuals can come to believe in Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord.There are many who get on the internet from foreign countries hungry for the word of Christ. I also have come to know certain individuals over the net that I consider my friends even though I have never seen these people in person. I spend alot of time doing this and both of them were always barking about this and complaining and this was not the only thing. Both of them are men and they treat me their mother as a second class citizen. Nothing I do is good enough. Many a time they sound like their father and if he ever corrects them which is rare. he puts it in such a way that it is somehow my fault. Even now he makes comments like, "I don't want you to yell at me", yet he uses words and phrases to bush buttons and I am suppose to be the sick one. I feel what happened is my husband forced issues instead of just getting the counseling we needed and if I am truly bi-polar than this too would have been taken care of. He is a control freak and a lot of the things he did does not make sense or even seem rational to me. He called the emt's for a week straight. Why not just call my doctor? (The emts were called after our first counseling session-which went well BTW and also I told the counselor that I had always been erratic with taking the medication) I asked my husband after a week of harassment to leave the house...I was afraid of him and my sons...all three verbally abused and threatened me the night of the 11th-next day was first day emts were called...guess what he would not do it...but now that I have been in the hospital he is not here...Helen what does this sound like to you? None of it makes sense. They all came in the house moved things around and pretty much I was being harassed by cops and emts up until the time I was admitted into the hospital on the 26th. I was very paranoid and undue stress was caused me. I was frayed at the ends. Prior to any of this my husband and I had been fighting like cats and dogs. One night I stood up to him because he was vary cruel and abusive in his language to me...he did not like it. I don't know what to think. My husband has always used and manipulated both my boys against me. I am always viewed as the problem.

I could write more Helen if you are interested

reprise

hd, even if you believe that witnessing is your life's mission - and some of your posts give create that impression - surely it is not one you can successfully fulfil unless you take care of your physical and mental health, and attend first to your own needs and those of your family.

HelenM

I certainly can relate to how unfair that seems. I've seen people act quite irrationally towards me while convinced that since I was the 'ill' one, I was the only one being irrational and unreasonable.

How would it have been taken care of? You mean your counselor would have referred you to a doctor? I'm not quite sure what you meant here.

I don't know why he wouldn't call your doctor. Maybe he was concerned that there would be terrible consequences if you weren't got to an environment like a hospital where you were under full-time medical supervision. Maybe he thought you needed to be where you would take medication consistently until you had less of the symptoms that evidently were alarming him.

Well, this is what I keep coming back to - if you didn't have the symptoms of illness, the EMTs wouldn't have taken you to the hospital and the doctors wouldn't have admitted you.

I understand how stressful the situation was. I can somewhat relate. You'd probably have had to be some sort of super-human not to get stressed out. Yet - I believe doctors can tell the difference between 'stressed out' and 'having symptoms of a bipolar episode' and a number of medical professionals must have seen you and agreed you were having an episode by the time you were admitted.

The other thing it sounds like is that you and your husband's relationship is very difficult right now.

But they are adults now - so, if they disagreed with him they would not go along with him. They must have been in agreement with him that you needed hospitalization.

It must be awful to feel your whole family is against you

I'm interested, hd

Helen

hope's daughter

Thank you reprise. I feel akin to atheists especially, even though I would never consider myself to come from a background of atheism. I was more pantheistic in my thinking and concluded early in my teens, from a lot of hurt, that the Church and the Bible were wrong. I did not identify with the God of the OT. My family is raised but they really do not like me to do this. Why I do not know. Somehow my husband feels it is inappropriate...I don't know. He certainly before all this stuff spent his share of time on the computer and so did my young men. So what is the big deal. I do something I love which is to talk about how Christ came into my life and brought joy but they see it as an interference. I guess what Rev wumbrand wrote is happening here in America, with secularism and postmodernism. He talked about the beauty of the underground church in communist countries...but their joy...well thewy lacked joy...because it had to remain hiddedn and people were suffering for their faith....maybe this explains part of it. Jesus states that a man (or womans) enemies will be those of his (or hers) own home

HelenM

hd, my husband got very upset with me for spending a lot of time on the computer. I know it's partly because he associates me being on the computer with me being ill.

We've probably been more in conflict over my time on the computer than anything else, since I was first diagnosed.

When I'm less ill I've recognized that if I spend too much time on here it takes away from my time with him and my kids and always puts me at risk of not getting other things accomplished that I ought to be doing. So he has some justification for being upset if I spend huge amounts of time on here.

On the other hand, when you feel that you don't have anywhere else to turn and you know you can find someone friendly to talk to online (I'm talking about friendships, not relationships that would conflict with my marriage commitment) it's hard not to end up coming here looking for a word of kindness or encouragement.

I don't know whether that sheds any light on your situation but I shared it in case it did.

Helen

hope's daughter

Actually the EMTs and police admited I was rational in that they said I was smart and knew how to play the game. Now Helen if they admited this why were they taking me to the hospital. It is my belief that my husband hated me and wanted to get back and me and cause misery in my life. I try to rationalize it and think just maybe he means it when he states he loves me but things just don't add up.



I told him Helen he could not label me. I was already labeled...a label I do not believe is correct because at the time I was given diagnosis I did not talk nor see doctor. It was over the phone diagnosis. I went to hospital and was admited by a nurse.

I don't think so Helen. He keeps harping on how I broke silence about some personal things. It is a long story. No he meant to put me in the hospital to blame me he said (this was prior to any of this starting)...he is the nutty one if true be known. I don't hate my husband but he has caused me so much heartache and he really does not want to admit that my hospitalization and everything involved is his fault not mine. Matter of fact I went to another hospital and had tests done and I was in theraputic range for my levels. This was before I volunteered to get on the EMT vehicle (I had to I was threatened by police officer).

I know this might appear to be the case but Hospitals are businesses

How can they when you are are medicated and sleeping? Also I had no doctor look at me-psychiatrist that is and a nurse admited me. This was after I told them I would volunteer myself for admitance. They put me in as involuntary so that probate would be involved. I just have a feeling my husband knew about this.

You are correct.

This is nothing new. They have always stuck up for their Dad. I am not saying this is totally bad only that neither one have never been on my side.

I look at it this way Helen if I can survive this I can survive anything. My anger is what is keeping me from being depressed.



Thanks Helen

hope's daughter

Helen,

I agree with all you have stated. I think though my husband put road blocks in our relationship years ago and I am tired of being his scape goat. I can not take upon myself his sins and feel he wishes to blame me for the all the wrongs in our marriage. He will not admit to certain things and I feel abused mentally by him. Matter of fact my above post contains a word he uses to describe me. Mental. Especially here lately. I no longer will have this word in my vocabulary nor call him nutty because I do not wish to now resort to his tactics. All I think He wishes to do is to appear as the wronged party. Yet he cuased this pain in my life. I just don't know what I will do with this hurt. I just hope God will love it away.

God bless you!

hope's daughter

HelenM

But...that's very typical of someone with Bipolar disorder. On the whole people with Bipolar are very smart and they are perceptive enough, especially when ill, to 'play the game'.

Because you can be smart and play the game when you're very ill and it can actually be a symptom.

They were probably taking you there based on such symptoms as lack of sleep, talking fast, talking a lot, not listening, emotional volatility...those sorts of symptoms. And yes, partly because of what your husband said. But they would have had to see symptoms themselves - they wouldn't have taken you in based solely on what he said if they didn't see any themselves.

Knowing nothing about him, I can't really comment. Even if I did know him I hesitate to assume I know what someone else's motives are.

Nevertheless, whatever he is or isn't thinking, that you feel he is acting as if he hates you is a problem in your marriage, definitely .

But, subsequent to that I'm sure you have seen at least one doctor and if they didn't agree with the diagnosis they would have changed it. They must have felt you had symptoms showing you have Bipolar disorder - they must have agreed with the nurse based on their own observations.

Fast rambling talking, poor judgment, emotional volatility - these can all be detected over the phone.

I am sorry because it sounds like you both are angry at each other - I hope the counseling will help.

You're probably right that his behavior not above reproach. But then, whose is? And evidently he has not been observed with Bipolar symptoms and you have. Whatever you say, this seems to be the case, else he would also have been diagnosed.

I don't know what 'in theraputic range for your levels' means. That sounds like a comment on your physical health, not your mental health, which is the diagnosis I thought was the reason the EMTs took you to the hospital.

Yes, but that doesn't mean they have no code of ethics.

I'm sure doctors have seen you when awake - and they have not reversed your diagnosis, have they? So they must agree with it.

As I said, at some point you must have been seen by doctors who must have agreed with your diagnosis or they would have overturned your diagnosis.

But if you really have Bipolar disorder, you are liable to lose whatever good judgment you have when you are well, if you get ill and then you can't guarantee you even will survive. You might jump off a building because you believe God wants you to and will save you from harm. That's what your husband and sons are probably afraid of.

You're welcome

Here's a thought: if you're sure you don't have Bipolar disorder, why don't you see whether you can find a doctor who will reverse your diagnosis for you? If you don't trust non-Christian doctors you could find a Christian one. Some doctors are Christians - actually my church has lots.

Helen