Dean Anderson

Of course Adam is innocent. Just read this (somewhat humorous in tone, but Biblically accurate) account of what really happened during the Eden-gate scandal...

God plants a garden. Gen 2:8

He needs a slave to look after it for him, since weeding is just too much like hard work. Gen 2:5, Gen 2:15

So he creates a toy man and puts him to work. Gen 2:7, Gen 2:8, Gen 2:15

Adam is allowed to eat anything he wants, such as all those nice opium poppies, psychaedelic mushrooms and cannabis and coca leaves - providing he doesn't touch God's special magical tree. Gen 2:15, Gen 2:16

God lies to Adam, telling him that if he eats from the magical tree he will die that very day. Gen 2:17

There is too much work for Adam to do, so God makes him some animal helpers. Gen 2:18, Gen 2:19

God makes Adam think up names for the animals, but Adam shows a lack of imagination, and calls most of them 'beetle' or 'bug'. Gen 2:19, Gen 2:20

Unfortunately, God forgot to give any of the other animals opposable thumbs, so they turn out to be not much help with the gardening after all. Most of them just eat the cabbages or eat each other. Gen 2:20

Frustrated at this, God decides that all this creating of animals is not the answer, so he clones Adam instead, making him a twin sister - Eve. Gen 2:21, Gen 2:22

Adam is pleased with his new helper, and declares that because she was once part of him, children should leave their parents and get married to other people. This comes as a great surprise to Eve - and indeed to God - because children and parenthood haven't been invented yet and because there are no other people to follow Adam's declaration. Perhaps Adam knows something that God doesn't, or just had too many of those tasty coca leaves. Gen 2:23, Gen 2:24

Adam and Eve are both naked, but no-one cares since they are still young and pert. Gen 2:25

The talking snake asks Eve whether she can eat all the stuff in the garden. She replies that God said to leave the magical tree alone because if she eats it she will die the same day. Gen 3:1 - Gen 3:3

The talking snake points out that God was lying about them dying, and the real reason he doesn't want them to eat from the magical tree is that they will know right from wrong - and realise that being gardening-slaves is a bad thing. Gen 3:5

Adam and Eve eat the magical fruit, and realise that although there is nothing wrong with them seeing each other naked because they are a couple, God's watching them bend over to do weeding in the nude was wrong of him - so they make themselves some clothes to stop him perving. Gen 3:7

God turns up and Adam with his new-found wisdom immediately blames Eve, who similarly passes the buck to the talking snake. Gen 3:9 - Gen 3:13

God realises that his lies about the fruit killing people have been exposed and that his slaves will no longer be dumb enough work for him (especially not in the nude). Gen 3:22

Getting a really good sulk on, God pulls the legs off the snake (and invokes Lamarckian evolution so that its offspring will also be legless), curses Eve with childbirth, creates a few new types of plant just to make Adam's gardening more difficult, and kills a few random animals. He feels a bit sorry for killing the other random animals, though, and makes Adam and Eve some nice fur coats out of them so that they don't go to waste. Gen 3:16 - Gen 3:21

Finally, he kicks them out of the garden. Gen 3:24 so that they wouldn't eat from his other magical tree and become immortal like him as well as wise. Gen 3:22

Agnostic Theist

:rolling: :thumbs: :notworthy

Excellent. 2nd best account I've read thus far (gnostic account wins hands down)

Chili

God created the essence of man in his own image in Gen.1
Lord God formed this essence into man after the essence that was created in Gen.1

In Gen.3 man wanted to be 'like god' and when man ate from the tree of knowledge Adam and Eve were created in the mind of man.

So God did not create Adam and Eve but man did when he ate from the tree of knowledge.

Jedi Mind Trick

Rom 8:20 For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected [the same] in hope,
Rom 8:21 Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.

Jhn 5:22 For the Father judgeth no man, but hath committed all judgment unto the Son:

Jhn 8:15 Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man.

It is finished...

Agnostic Theist

Beast confused.

Beast feel stupid (no comments!)

RAAAR! BEAST SMASH! GET REVENGE ON SMART PEOPLE


or...


So what, hell's invalid now?!




:love: What the hell is this smiley for? ARGH! SHITE! MY EYEBALLS ARE BURSTING!!

Jedi Mind Trick

animus

I think the whole Adam and Eve mythos is nothing more than a good example of bad parenting. God places a tree that serves no other purpose than to harm Adam and Eve (since he already knows they will eat from it), in the garden and watches them do it. Isn't this a bit like dad laying a loaded .44 mag on the coffee table for his kids to play with, and then watching them cap each other?