Boro Nut

How come they have stopped writing the Bible. Don't you think they shold be adding to the story as time goes on? I've scribbled a few thoughts for another chapter. What about you? What would you add?


And it came to pass after these aforementioned things did not come to pass, that the Lord spake unto the people of Israel. And they did say "Speak properly please." And the Lord said "Sorry", and did speak unto them saying "Behold, I shall remove the yoke of bondage from around thy neck, for I have chosen you to be my chosen people again. No more shall the Romans be as an overlord unto you."

And the people rejoiced and said "Hail mighty Lord. Shalt they be smashed unto smithereens? Wilt thou crush them like unto dust. Even the really fine stuff?"

And the Lord replied unto them saying "Nay, but I have noticed an historical trend of imperial ovestretch, and I shall cause them to be imperially overstretched and remove their rod from off thy backs."

And it came to pass within mere generations that the Romans said unto themselves "What are we doing in this dump? I have a lovely villa in Tuscany for Christ’s sake." And they departed from the land of Israel.

And the Lord spoke again unto the people saying "Get thee up and follow them out, for I have promised this land unto the Palestinians. And if you heed me not you shall be strangers in a strange land."

And the people said "What? Wh?? But where shall we go Lord?" And the Lord replied "Russia looks nice." And the Lord commanded them to remove all archeological evidence before they left saying "It shall be like as you have never been here." And for once they complied to the letter, and it was like unto they had never been there. And they all departed unto Russia.

Except those that did stay, which was most, saying "I’m waiting here for the Muslims," and did become Palestinians. Thus that which was written was fulfilled, for they were strangers in a strange land, for I have not met any of them, and I have never been there.

And the Lord was pleased with them that departed, and said "Behold, you have done well in my sight. Therefore shall a few lucky ones turn away unto Poland and the Ukraine, even unto Nazi Germany."

And in those days, even the days of that period, you know the ones I mean, the Romans did travel toward home and did say "Lets stop for a bit I’m knackered." And they did rest.

And the Romans did rest and eat, and did say "This place looks nice." And they put off from going home, but did build up another empire as was their habit. And they said therefore shalt this place be called Constantinople, for there are many fine restaurants and we did stop to eat. Henceforth it is called Constantinople unto this day (No it’s not!) even onto now (No it’s not!!).

And the people of Israel did rest from their journey and it was Russia. And they did live there and were fruitful between pogroms. And they did rejoice unto the Lord, singing Matchmaker Matchmaker Make Me a Match, and If I Were a Rich Man.

And the Germans did hear them and said "Come and live with us, we have just the place for you," and they did take them only as far as Poland. And the Russians said "Put them back!", and did smite the Germans. Yea even those that had invaded them.

And the news of them came unto the Allies who said "Who are this people that cause the Germans and Russians to strive against each other?" And an angel said "They are a mighty people chosen of the Lord." And the Allies said "Let us therefore sneak up behind the Germans and take them for ourselves." And the allies did sneak up behind the Germans and take them for themselves.

And the Russians and the Germans did notice the people of Israel were gone and put off from fighting.

And the people of Israel were put on a ship and they did close all the windows so that none could see out. And then the Lord did bring a flood upon the earth. And all the world was covered, but the children of Israel were saved inside the ship. And after 150 days in the seventeenth day of the second month were the waters abated. And the ship did bump into Aden. And the people did say "Are we there yet?" And a window was opened. But a hail of stones was still upon the earth, and stones burst in at the window, so it was shut again.

And the waters returned unto the earth, and the ship did sojourn on the face of the waters. But wherever it did bump into land and the window was opened the hail of stones was still upon the earth. And the window was nailed shut.

And in the twelth day of the tenth month, the Lord stopped the fountains of the deep and closed the windows of heaven and the waters were abated again. And the ship did bump into the Levant. And when the window was opened the hail of stones was abated. And the British said "Alright. You can get off for a piss and an ice cream." And the people of Israel left the ship and said unto themselves "This looks familiar" and did disappear like rats up a drainpipe.

And the Palestinians did say "Who are you?" And the people replied "We are the children of Israel." And the Palestinians said unto them "One at a time please." And a spokesperson said "Sorry. We are the children of Israel come to reclaim our land as promised by God to our father Abraham."

And the Palestinians said "Yes, that’s right, as promised to Ibrahim, our father. That’s why we live here." And the children of Israel said "Oh!" And the Palestinians said "You sound like Russians unto us."

And the Syrianites and the Jordanites and the Egyptites and all the other ites were exceedingly wroth, and plotted against the Russians saying "Let us slaughter the lot of them." And the Palestinianites left their homes and joined with them saying "I can’t wait for this."

And the Russians saw that the homes were empty and said "Finders Keepers" and did smite all comers. And after they did call the name of that place Israel saying this is our home. And the Palestinianites cried and rent their sackcloths saying "Hey! Those are our homes!" And the people of Israel said "This shall be our everlasting home as it was promised by God to our Father Abraham." And the Palestinianites cried and rent their sackcloths saying "Hey! Those are our lines!"

Boro Nut

SwoleMan

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

CX

This is really really funny...so off to humor with it where it can grow and thrive.

Deadbeat

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

and even

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

Gothic_J

my god, thats hilarious. :notworthy :notworthy