Freethought & Rationalism Archive

DrJim · 08-04-2004, 07:27 AM

Here is one more from the Density church:

Quote:

ROTORUA - Five months ago Colleen Shannon experienced the joy of giving birth to her first child, Jeroboam Luke Shannon. However, the joy of the occasion was soon overshadowed by the news that Jeroboam had no sight in either eye. He had been born completely blind. Colleen and her husband Rob, regular attendees at Rotorua’s Density Church, were originally "shattered�? when they learned of their child’s disability. ... “One night, while Colleen was breast-feeding, I noticed that the bumps surrounding her nipples were much more pronounced than I had ever noticed before,�? recounted Rob Shannon. “And on closer examination, it seemed that they had formed some kind of pattern.�?
...
“Pastor Brian examined my wife’s areolae. And he immediately recognised what the pattern was,�? explained Rob.

According to Brian Tamariki, Colleen Shannon’s bumps clearly spell out the words “suck here�? in Braille.
“It is a verifiable modern day word from the Lord!�? exclaimed Pastor Brian Tamariki.
...
“The Lord has heard Colleen’s cry and seen her distress, and he has mightily poured out His favour onto her bosom.�?

http://www.densitychurch.org/braille.html

The rest of their biblical interpretations are pretty good too.

Garnet · 08-04-2004, 08:24 AM

Someone please tell me this is a joke.

Rhaedas · 08-04-2004, 08:33 AM

I guess it's easier to spell out messages in Braille on a woman's breast (and teach Braille to a newborn) than to just cure (or prevent) blindness.

As if newborns use sight to find the breast anyway...there's a term for it, "rooting".

Mageth · 08-04-2004, 09:42 AM

It's satire.

Look at the bible quote on the bottom of this page, and pay attention to the highlighted word:

http://www.densitychurch.org/brianandpenni.html

Llyricist · 08-04-2004, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mageth

It's satire.

Look at the bible quote on the bottom of this page, and pay attention to the highlighted word:

http://www.densitychurch.org/brianandpenni.html

Also, notice that Brian is posed exactly like "Buddy Christ" from the movie "Dogma"

On Edit....

Oh come on, how obvious can you be that it's satire:
Density Church Products

Mageth · 08-04-2004, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Llyricist

Also, notice that Brian is posed exactly like "Buddy Christ" from the movie "Dogma"

He sure is. And she appears posed as the Madonna.

And then there's comments like this:

Quote:

As Brian is not a slave to the Whore of Babylon (the Roman Catholic Church), after much prayer he volunteered Penni for a hysterectomy after their fourth child.

And this, which subtly satirizes the position and advertising of many modern evangelical churches:

Quote:

God has placed within their hearts a desire to present the Gospel to this generation in a way that is very fresh, relatable and contemporary -- outside the religious box -- yet without compromise.

And this:

Quote:

Brian is Chairman of the Committee for Post-Raptural Mission ("CPRM"). CPRM is a charitable organisation which prepares and prints Instruction Booklets for non-Christians left behind after Jesus comes again to whisk away all Christians who are Bible-believing, Church-going, Spirit-filled, Tithe-giving, Happy-clapping Children of God!!

Mageth · 08-04-2004, 11:19 AM

For the clincher, see the Bible Answers page:

http://www.densitychurch.org/bibleanswers.html

Toto · 08-04-2004, 11:49 AM

If anyone is having trouble following this, read this thread first:

Jabal and Jubal

I googled a bit, and found the Density site, with a nifty diagram that explained why this was a contradiction. I realized pretty quickly that Density must be a parody. But then I found another site from someone searching for Noah's Ark, that is not a parody but is actually much more outrageous. (Cain's descendents were some of the beasts on the Ark??)

I present this question to the board:

Does this belong in Humor, or is it at least as reasonable as many apologists attempts to make sense of the Bible?

Mageth · 08-04-2004, 11:51 AM

I think it belongs somewhere else, probably Humor, and not BC&H.

The Density website is a candidate for the sticky thread of "classics" there, IMO.

Jeremy Pallant · 08-04-2004, 12:16 PM

[QUOTE=Mageth]I think it belongs somewhere else, probably Humor, and not BC&H.[QUOTE]

Certainly not BC&H.

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08-04-2004, 08:24 AM	#2
Garnet Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Lansing, MI Posts: 6,610	Someone please tell me this is a joke.

08-04-2004, 08:33 AM	#3
Rhaedas Veteran Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: USA Posts: 3,440	I guess it's easier to spell out messages in Braille on a woman's breast (and teach Braille to a newborn) than to just cure (or prevent) blindness. As if newborns use sight to find the breast anyway...there's a term for it, "rooting".

08-04-2004, 09:42 AM	#4
Mageth Contributor Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Deep in the heart of mother-lovin' Texas Posts: 29,689	It's satire. Look at the bible quote on the bottom of this page, and pay attention to the highlighted word: http://www.densitychurch.org/brianandpenni.html

08-04-2004, 11:19 AM	#7
Mageth Contributor Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Deep in the heart of mother-lovin' Texas Posts: 29,689	For the clincher, see the Bible Answers page: http://www.densitychurch.org/bibleanswers.html

08-04-2004, 11:49 AM	#8
Toto Contributor Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Los Angeles area Posts: 40,549	If anyone is having trouble following this, read this thread first: Jabal and Jubal I googled a bit, and found the Density site, with a nifty diagram that explained why this was a contradiction. I realized pretty quickly that Density must be a parody. But then I found another site from someone searching for Noah's Ark, that is not a parody but is actually much more outrageous. (Cain's descendents were some of the beasts on the Ark??) I present this question to the board: Does this belong in Humor, or is it at least as reasonable as many apologists attempts to make sense of the Bible?

08-04-2004, 11:51 AM	#9
Mageth Contributor Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Deep in the heart of mother-lovin' Texas Posts: 29,689	I think it belongs somewhere else, probably Humor, and not BC&H. The Density website is a candidate for the sticky thread of "classics" there, IMO.

08-04-2004, 12:16 PM	#10
Jeremy Pallant Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Tucson, Arizona, USA Posts: 1,242	[QUOTE=Mageth]I think it belongs somewhere else, probably Humor, and not BC&H.[QUOTE] Certainly not BC&H.

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