DrZoidberg

I've got an acquaintance who's a devout Christian but wants to have some hanky panky sex. She's a total slut but thinks it's wrong somehow. She's convinced that the Bible condemns sex outside of marriage.

I like her and want to help her get laid before getting married. She's way too young, and pretty. Is there a way to weasel out of this without rejecting the bible completely? Are there popular quotes for adulterers?

So I turn to you here, biblical experts. Please help me help my friend get laid within the good graces of our lord.

Ps! I am not Christian myself but as you can see, I'm fully capable of charity anyway.

jules?

I would go straight for seduction, guilt can be so horny; it is that 'don't push that red button because something bad will happen' so everybody pushes the button, human nature.
good luck

Keith&Co.

Other than the quickly burned-out "Adulterer's Bible," where a typo led to a verse reading: 'thou Shalt commit adultery' i can't think of anything off hand.

But maybe that's the wrong way to go about it?

What's that joke? 'I used to ask God for a bicycle, then i realized he doesn't work that way. So i stole one and asked for forgiveness.'

Have the hanky panky, but be repentant about it later. It's okay. Even god repents (see the Noah's Ark story).

Yoo

Take inspiration from Lot. Pretend that you're going after a close friend of hers, and say that the only way to protect her is to offer herself to the raging hordes (mainly, you). :devil1:

DrZoidberg

I remember that one. Do you have where in the Bible it is so I can look it up? It might work.

BTW, I'm totally serious. This is no joke.

JEST2ASK

http://www.sexinchrist.com/
Anal Sex in Accordance with God's Will
Second, for a young woman who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity (i.e., maintain an intact hymen) until marriage. There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night.

http://www.sexinchrist.com/oralsex.html


Oral Sex in Accordance with God's Will
In summary, we can say that the Scripture supports and even encourages the act of oral sex between loving heterosexual partners. Moreover, the Bible specifically encourages fellatio to completion (orgasm) with the female partner consuming or swallowing the ejaculate.
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Why would you call someone a "total slut" ?
What does the fact she is young / pretty have to do with mental/physical / emotional happiness? If having sex (a fling whatever) before marriage is that important to her happiness perhaps you should find a way to help her and her significant other address the issues raised by that desire?

Or are you only looking for an excuse to have sex with her yourself? :devil1:

McCulloch

Mary the mother of Jesus was pregnant prior to marriage. You should be able to get some mileage out of that.

Toto

There is nothing new under the sun.

previous thread that relates to this and check the linked thread on "Cohabitation."

But you should tell your friend that the Bible does indeed condemn sex, which may not be the best reason for losing her Bibliolatry, but will suffice for now.

Zeluvia

I think you have to take the Bible's view of sex in it's male dominated cultural context.

Without DNA testing, they had no way to assure paternity unless they were in complete control of their women. Their ideas about child creation were also primitive, they thought the women was only the vessel, and the man sowed the seed.

Clearly, in this day and age, we can now consider all those prohibitions and exhortations as allegory's, metaphors, and cute ancient culture superstitions.

JEST2ASK

Thanks the link lead to two others as well very interesting.

I agree the N.T takes a much dimmer view on sex than the O.T. ( what with multiple wives and concubines ) but I am not sure it really "condemns" sex.

Ephesians 5 (3-5) 3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
I seem to recall somewhere in Paul's writtings a guideline that neither married partner should deny the other their body (I assume that means sexual gratification). :huh: