ecco

ED: In The Beginning
1.
First God made heaven & earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters. And God said, "Let there be light"; and there was light.

And God saw that it was good. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply.

ED: Later
2.
Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. And on the seventh day God finished his work which he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done.

ED: After eating the apple.
3.
Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent beguiled me, and I ate."

ED: God got upset and kicked them out of the GoE.
4.
Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain. And again, she bore his brother Abel.
Cain said to Abel his brother, "Let us go out to the field." And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel, and killed him. Then Cain went away from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, east of Eden. 17 Cain knew his wife…

ED: Oooops. Sorry, this is wrong. Cain did indeed go into the land of Nod to find a wife but…there weren’t any women in Nod, no men either. See, Adam and Eve had only two children, the aforementioned Cain and Abel. Now the good brother, Abel, would never have considered having sexual relations with his mommy. Even the bad brother, the evil, murderous Cain, wouldn’t do it with his own mom. So when he went off to Nod … he found no one. And god’s ultimate creation, “man in his own image�, died out completely about 900 years after He created them. Fortunately, evil-u-tion came along and the chimps developed into, well, us.

Sorry if you thought that you were made in god’s image, but really you are only a chimp’s descendent.

steamer

You think you've found a problem in the bible? You know what the answer is going to be...The same answer used for everything...It's fucking magic of course!

Agnostic Theist

Look, the Bible doesn't have to tell you everything! It's obvious that God made other people but they weren't important so He neglected to mention them!

Furthermore, when the Bible says Jesus killed an out-of-season Fig Tree, it means He's feeding sugar lumps to a bulimic Isreali donkey!

If you bother to read it properly, you can work it out yourself!

(Kidding)

ecco

I saw your name before I saw (Kidding), so I knew you were Kidding.

Nero's Boot

Sadly, there are probably many theists who believe this shit, and use it to justify their own twisted "Master Race" theorems. I know you intended it to be a joke, but to many theists, this is golden gospel truth.

--and that, Agnostic Theist, is no laughing matter NB