McFish

See Matthew 27:52 for the largest zombie uprising referenced in the Bible that I'm aware of.

aa5874

The "second coming" is supposed to be the BIGGEST ZOMBIE day in the history of the zombie-kind.

ALL CHRISTIAN ZOMBIES will RISE FIRST and there will be MUSIC.

1Th 4:16 - The Real Zombie from heaven is coming back.

mountainman

But the evidence suggests that the Real Zombie never really visited planet Earth in the first place but rather made his first and late appearance inside a codex. So if the Real Zombie is coming back from anywhere its not heaven, it would have to be the waste-paper basket. Or alternatively, the Vatican archives. And he'll probably monopolize internet technology to announce his presence. Amazon? Kindle? Youtube? Once a Book Zombie always a Book Zombie? Hollywood?

Chocky

You may also want to add the two visions of mass resurrections at the end of time in the Old Testament, as they're generally regarded by scholars as having an influence on Second Temple-era belief in an afterlife: the judgement day resurrection in Daniel 12 and the "valley of dry bones" in Ezekiel 37. There's also a figurative reference to bodily resurrection in Isaiah 26:19.

PhilosopherJay

Here is some information about Zombie Jesus from uncyclopedia. I was unaware of this when I started this thread.

PhilosopherJay

Hi All,

I think we have to include Moses coming back from the dead. Elijah appears in the context of a 9th century BCE Biblical tale and again in the first century, hanging out with Jesus on some mountain. That sounds pretty Zombyish to me. I'll count him. Herod thinks that Jesus is John the Baptist come back from the dead, so I'll add him too. If Herod is right, then Jesus would be a double Zombie when he gets resurrected on the third day. He would be a zombie of a zombie. Of course, when he comes back, that would make him a Zombie Zombie Zombie, or a triple Zombie.

I don't think we should count the judgement day resurrections that talk about everybody becoming zombies as they are only hypothetical zombies at some vague point in the future.

Here is the revised revivified body count.

New Testament Resurrections

1. Lazarus (Gospel of John, 11) raised by Jesus
2. Jairus’ daughter (Gospel of Mark .5) raised by Jesus
3. Tabitha (Acts of the Apostles, 9) raised by Peter
4. Jesus Christ (Four Gospels) raised by God?
5. Eutychus (Acts 20) raised by Paul
6. Many bodies of the saints (Gospel of Matthew, 27)
7. Paul? (Galatians, 2:20)
8. Jewish prophets Moses and Elijah (various gospels)
9. John the Baptist (Gospel of Mark 6)

Outside New Testament

1. Youth in Linen Cloth (Secret Mark) raised by Jesus
2. Panchares’ son Barnabus (Acts of Paul) raised by Paul
3. Widow’s son (Acts of Peter) raised by Peter
4. Senator Nicostratus (Acts of peter) raised by Peter
5. Agrippa's son (Acts of Peter) raised by Agrippa
6. dead man at gate of Nicomedia, torn apart by dogs/demons (Acts of Andrew) raised by Andrew
7. Demon possessed soldier (Acts of Andrew) raised by Andrew
8. the proconsul Virinus' son (Acts of Andrew) raised by Andrew
9. farm child killed by serpent (Acts of Andrew) raised by pro-consul Virinus' wife.
10. Proconsul Lesbius (Acts of Andrew) raised by Andrew
11. Trophima's customer in Brothel (Acts of Andrew) raised by Andrew
12. Lycomedes the praetor of the Ephesians (Acts of John) raised by Cleopatra
13. Lycomedes' wife Cleopatra (Acts of John) raised by John
14. priest of Artemis (Acts of John) raised by kinsman
15. Father killed by son from Ephesus (Acts of John) raised by John
16. Callimachus (Acts of John) raised by John
17. Drusiana (Acts of John) raised by John
18. Fortunatus (Acts of John) raised by John
19. Aristodemus' two prisoners (Acts of John) raised by Aristodemus
20. comely girl in inn (Acts of Thomas) raised by Thomas
21. demon possessed woman and daughter (Acts of Thomas) raised by Thomas
22. Simeon's two sons, Karinus, and Leucius (Acts of Nicodemus) raised by Jesus
23. Widow's son (Acts of Philip) raised by Philip
24. Son of "one of the first men of the city" (Acts of Philip) raised by Philip
25. only son of a rich man (Acts of Philip) raised by Philip
26. High priest Ananias (Acts of Philip) raised by Philip
27. Pharisee boy (Infancy Gospel of Thomas) raised by boy Jesus
28. Zeno, boy fallen from door of upper chamber (Infancy Gospel of Thomas) raised by boy Jesus
29. Neighbor's child (Infancy Gospel of Thomas) raised by boy Jesus

mountainman

Hi Philosopher Jay,

That's an interesting reference. I had to LOL at one of the final renditions at the end of the page ..... which appears to be a brief discussion between the apostle David and Jesus ......



Back to the Zombie Body Count - 29 to 9

How do we account for the remarkable fact that there are more than three times as many resurrections recorded in the non canonical sources, than in the Canonical sources.? Perhaps the noncanonical heretics found the Resurrected Zombie Jesus story so novel that they mimicked it alot? Do we have any scientific chronology on any of these 38 zombie appearances?


Best wishes


Pete

Chocky

Short answer is they were probably made up to impress potential converts who were more interested in miracle stories than anything else. Just like today - look at the spread of Pentecostalism, word-faith ("prosperity gospel"), and other intellectually devoid forms of Christianity among people who "receive the truth with pleasure" (thanks Josephus). Glossolalia/speaking in tongues impresses some people, talking doesn't.

I'm sure Peter seemed cooler in the Acts of Peter where he has a public miracle contest with Simon Magus (and strikes the levitating Simon down from the sky) than in the canonical Acts, where he mainly just preaches.

The apocryphal acts give fascinating insight into the development of early Christianity, in my opinion. Jan N. Bremmer has a series of books looking at each of the main acts in detail. Worth a look if anyone has the time.

Keith&Co.

Isn'tthere a prophecy that after he dies, the bodies of the saints will rise up and walkabout, scaring the shit out of the populace?

Chocky

If you mean Jesus, then no, the saints-emerging-from-tombs thing was just chucked in by Matthew.