Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Boro Nut · 08-07-2006, 10:33 AM

Do we have a full record of the miracles carried out by Jesus? Can we be sure he didn't do lots of other miracles that nobody saw or heard about? It always struck me as strange that, as a carpenter, he never actually took the opportunity to saw anybody in half. I bet he did. I'm sure it would have gone down a treat at weddings. Wine into water is all very well, but many people are teetotal remember. A good sawing would cater to everyone, and the brides mother couldn't disapprove either.

I bet he had a few dry runs at the resurrection too, just to make sure he could do it. No point in turning up to a show without any rehearsal is there? That would be daft. That’s why I think he thought it would take him three days. It probably took him five to start with, but because of the practice he’d had he ended up taking less than two.

What do you consider his best miracle? The most impressive for me is the one where he opens his coat and his internal organs are exposed. I loved that as a kid. The way he just looks off to one side like he hadn't even noticed, but it must have absolutely knacked. That's willpower.

Boro Nut

pob14 · 08-07-2006, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boro Nut

I bet he had a few dry runs at the resurrection too, just to make sure he could do it.

I love the image of this.

John: Hey, Rocky, where's Jesus?
Peter: What do you mean? He's right . . . aw, man, he was just here.
James: Yeah, he was just . . . what's that, over there?
Peter: Aw, nuts, it's Jesus' dead body. He slit his own throat again.
John: Dammit, now we got to drag him around for five days again.

Yeah, the Dead Person To Live Person was impressive, and Fish From A Basket was quite popular. But I bet he could do a Coins Across and a Four Ace Assembly that would knock you on your ass.

Julian · 08-07-2006, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boro Nut

I bet he had a few dry runs at the resurrection too, just to make sure he could do it. No point in turning up to a show without any rehearsal is there? That would be daft. That’s why I think he thought it would take him three days. It probably took him five to start with, but because of the practice he’d had he ended up taking less than two.

In modern parlance, we call this 'cross training.'

Julian

Amaleq13 · 08-07-2006, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boro Nut

Do we have a full record of the miracles carried out by Jesus?

Not according to the author of John 20:30 (KJV).

And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book:

Derec · 08-07-2006, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boro Nut

Do we have a full record of the miracles carried out by Jesus? Can we be sure he didn't do lots of other miracles that nobody saw or heard about? It always struck me as strange that, as a carpenter, he never actually took the opportunity to saw anybody in half. I bet he did. I'm sure it would have gone down a treat at weddings. Wine into water is all very well, but many people are teetotal remember. A good sawing would cater to everyone, and the brides mother couldn't disapprove either.

Rowan Atkinson is way ahead of you.

Johnny Skeptic · 08-07-2006, 04:04 PM

Today, millions of Christians disagree as to what constitutes a miracle healing. Why should anyone believe that it was any different back then?

If Jesus performed a lot of miracles, it seems to me that Pontius Pilate would surely have heard about it and started an immediate investigation. If an investigation showed that Jesus was performing miracles, the aftermath would have immediately reached Rome and far beyond. A number of historians would surely have recorded news of the events, and it would have been in the best interests of Christians to preserve the testimonies of historians. However, history makes no such mention, although history frequently makes mention of much less important events.

yalla · 08-07-2006, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derec

Rowan Atkinson is way ahead of you.

Not necessarily.
Both Rowan and Boro could have based their observations on a common source that has since been lost.
Scholars have named this source "S'', for "source", and it actually dates way back before Rowan.
cheers
yalla

EarlOfLade · 08-08-2006, 05:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amaleq13

Not according to the author of John 20:30 (KJV).

And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book:

Yeah, and you should see all the miracles I have performed but have never documented!
Hundreds upon hundreds of miracles have I performed.

Ye' all kneel in front of me!

Steven Carr · 08-08-2006, 10:00 AM

Don't forget Jesus vanishing trick, where he disappears into thin air, despite promisng to be with us for ever.

Draconis · 09-02-2006, 07:16 AM

Two problems with Jesus's miracles.

1) Other people eg Vespasian (Roman Emperor) performed miracles which are described in ancient historical texts.

2) They're often small beer. Instead of healing one leper, why not heal all them in the entire world?

08-07-2006, 10:33 AM	#1
Boro Nut Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Middlesbrough, England Posts: 3,909	The Miracles of Jesus Do we have a full record of the miracles carried out by Jesus? Can we be sure he didn't do lots of other miracles that nobody saw or heard about? It always struck me as strange that, as a carpenter, he never actually took the opportunity to saw anybody in half. I bet he did. I'm sure it would have gone down a treat at weddings. Wine into water is all very well, but many people are teetotal remember. A good sawing would cater to everyone, and the brides mother couldn't disapprove either. I bet he had a few dry runs at the resurrection too, just to make sure he could do it. No point in turning up to a show without any rehearsal is there? That would be daft. That’s why I think he thought it would take him three days. It probably took him five to start with, but because of the practice he’d had he ended up taking less than two. What do you consider his best miracle? The most impressive for me is the one where he opens his coat and his internal organs are exposed. I loved that as a kid. The way he just looks off to one side like he hadn't even noticed, but it must have absolutely knacked. That's willpower. Boro Nut

08-07-2006, 04:04 PM	#6
Johnny Skeptic Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 19,796	The Miracles of Jesus Today, millions of Christians disagree as to what constitutes a miracle healing. Why should anyone believe that it was any different back then? If Jesus performed a lot of miracles, it seems to me that Pontius Pilate would surely have heard about it and started an immediate investigation. If an investigation showed that Jesus was performing miracles, the aftermath would have immediately reached Rome and far beyond. A number of historians would surely have recorded news of the events, and it would have been in the best interests of Christians to preserve the testimonies of historians. However, history makes no such mention, although history frequently makes mention of much less important events.

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08-08-2006, 10:00 AM	#9
Steven Carr Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: England Posts: 5,629	Don't forget Jesus vanishing trick, where he disappears into thin air, despite promisng to be with us for ever.

09-02-2006, 07:16 AM	#10
Draconis Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: London UK Posts: 3,165	Two problems with Jesus's miracles. 1) Other people eg Vespasian (Roman Emperor) performed miracles which are described in ancient historical texts. 2) They're often small beer. Instead of healing one leper, why not heal all them in the entire world?

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