Patch

Just some thoughts rattling around in my head:

#1... Why did god have to go through all the hoopla of building the ark, gathering the animals up, sending the flood, waiting a year, etc, in order to kill off 99.99% of all life on earth? Couldn't he simply snap his fingers and be done with it? Are there many instances in the bible where god does his own dirty work instead of commanding a believer to do it?

#2... Jesus is/was the son of god. He could perform miracles. I assume he was in direct contact with dad. He knew heaven existed. He knew when he died, he'd go to heaven, not hell. He even knew he'd get to come back and visit. Where is the big sacrifice? Was it because he didn't use his magic to prevent himself from feeling pain (or at least pretended not to)?

My wife is trying to raise our daughter as a xian. I can't wait until she's old enough to sit down and read the bible with me:

"And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?" That's weird... shouldn't god know where Adam was? How can he keep track of who he's sending to hell if he can't keep track of the only two people on earth?

- Phil

spin

Ummm, I think he was trying to minimize intervention. Let natural events cause it. You know, like Katrina. Those sinful people in the Sodom of New Orleans...

It's a bit like cleaning the toilet or having a suppository. It's not a nice experience.

You remember that scene in the Shining where Jack Nicholson has an axe with the intention of killing his wife and kid, and is going around saying "come out, come out, wherever you are." He was only play acting he didn't know.


spin

Chris Weimer

Frightenly good apology, spni. After my wife and I watched it together, I kept rubbing her arms (we were on the couch) telling her that I would never hurt her...hee...hee...heeee. :angel:

Joan of Bark

These are just two of the thousands of questions theists cannot answer without falling back on the old "the Lord works in mysterious ways" evasion.

Chili

Good questions Phil, but let me say first that when "thoughs rattle" there is something wrong with your head.

With regard to question # 3, Adam was the conjectured ego of man that was not created by God. God created man in his own image, I think it says. So God did not create Adam.

# 3 Adam was the ark builder and thus not God. He was called Noah to find the other side of life (his naos) wherein he was created as God.

#2 Good point. No sacrifice but a pleasure and therefore a comedy (albeit divine).

pharoah

I find this article at christiananswers.net to be amusing. They go into great detail trying to explain how fish could have survived the flood, apparently not realizing that the very notion of fish surviving is contadictory to God's statement to Noah in Genesis 6:17 (NIV):

I am going to bring floodwaters on the earth to destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has the breath of life in it. Everything on earth will perish.

spin

Fish didn't have breath: they used gills.

rlogan

Because God enjoyed pre-existing literature (eg epic of Gilgamesh) and wished to adopt it in some fashion into his new "Based on Sumerian Story" book. God isn't much of an idea man. But he does like to embellish folklore in his deeds.

No, this doesn't even pass religion 101. Jesus IS God. And what the plenepotentiaries of iron age goat-herder communities have wrought, let no literate 21st century citizen cast asunder. He sent himself to suffer and die to placate himself for making himself people who are not perfect like himself.


Geez. What a nitpicker. God didn't have his glasses on.

DISSIDENT AGGRESSOR

1) The Great Flood was God's first attempt at mass genocide, He knew how to create things but destroying things were new to Him. This why people used to live alot longer, as Death was also still in training and kept getting the spell wrong.
There's a song called 'learn to swim' by a fundie-Christian rock band [can't recall their name right off hand], that talks about flushing the world away, and all the people and things in it, that illustrates probably how God felt at the time. People were being mean to one another.

2) Snapping of the fingers is an abomination to God. Fingers primary function are for picking noses an rearends, any other us is immoral, ergo irrational, just because most apes can use their fingers to sign language, does not mean humans should do it. Although, liberal Christians say it is okay to snap your fingers to remove boogers or dingle berries from the fingers, but only for that purpose. Boogie Woogie music started out as a form of liberal Christian worship.

3) God having sex with a young virgin girl named Mary is proof that sometimes He didn't always take matters into His own hands [or wank, wank] and did the 'dirty deed' all by Himself. This why the Catholic Church adores Mary so much, she didn't complain about rape, not like all those evil, immoral children that tattle-taled against priest, damned heretics!

Jesus could only perform miracles with the help of a magic wand. When He and Judas had homosexual sex [some say it was just a kiss] in the Gah-a-a-a-rden of Gethsemane-e-e-e, Judas pick-pocketed the magic wand, rendering Jesus powerless, except for the moment that Jesus heals [not restores] the soldiers cut off ear, Jesus still had a little magic with Him for about half an hour or so, kind of like how pins and needles hold magnetic properties for a while after rubbing them on a magnet.

Judas realized what he did, and turned down the Jewish Priest's money, and kept trying to get the wand back to Jesus, but the other disciples kept chasing him away, they were mad at Judas. When it was too late and Jesus died, Judas tried to hang himself, but the magic wand was still in his back pocket so he didn't die.
He then snuck into the tomb were Jesus was and laid the magic wand on top of Jesus, and lo and behold! Jesus resurrected!

This scaird the bejebus out of Judas and he started running as fast as he could. He slipped on some rotted figs and fell to his death



I would suggest a Bible with lots of pretty pictures :thumbs: Children can always relate better to stories if the have something pleasing to look at, even if it is hedonistic. It helps their imaginations, and if she's gonna be a Christian, of any denomination or none denomination, she's gonna need a big imagination!

When God looks at people He can only see their winkies and woo-woos, and their breastes and buttockes [that's all He's concerned about... hell that's all everything is concerned about!], and why noone can see Him .
Fig leaves, which Adam&Eve used to cover the privates, are like how Superman can't see through lead, God, could not at the time, see through fig leaves [He figured out how to after awhile]!
You'll notice just about everytime in the Bibles Gods come near fig trees, They have trouble with them, and it pisses Them off something feirce!
The real reason God banished them from the Garden of Eden was because they had learned God's secrets, His vulnerabilities. God couldn't let them stay there once this happened, they knew too much. He didn't want them to keep eating the fruit, which btw, the effects wear off after a couple of days, and learn more, ignorance is bliss.

That's easy, He's sending everyone to hell :down: ... and let God sort 'em out!