And the sun shone brightly in the firmament
And my wife spake unto me and said 'Let's have a barbecue'
And I was pleased, for it was pleasing unto me.
And I litteth the barbecue and placethed the meat thereon,
Both lamb after his kind and cattle after his kind.
And sausage after his kind, either beef or pork, but we knew not which whot that it where.
And all was without blemish, neither spot nor freezerburn.
And around about was smelt a sweet savour therein.
And I fallest not asleep in the sun and forgotest not the barbecue for a change
But did tend it.
And my son did not say 'I'm not eating that' for it was not like unto cinders, but was just right.
And none was burnt for the first time ever.
And I remembered little baby Jesub, who was born in a minge, and died an extremely excruciating death just so that I could enjoy my kebab in peace.
And all was perfect.
And then were the heavens opened, and the rain falleth like unto piss.
And spoiled it all quite frankly.
And my neck was stiffened.
And I was wroth.
And I shakethed my hand unto the heavens and cried out
'You rotten bastard'
Then I remembered this was England, and it was not in the least unusual.
And I repenteth of it and sayeth 'Oops'
For I remembered god prefereth his lamb extremely well done.