Im looking for everyones top 5 biblical contradictions/impossibilities/bullshit, etc. to use as ammunition. Please avoid the obvious, and it would be useful to describe the typical response from xians.

Thanks
David

1. The lack of the living dead after the death of Christ on the cross in 1 of the 4 gosphels.

I think the rest are pretty common. But I love them all.

Not exactly a contradiction this one, but the guy involved is supposed to be 'a good one'.
I won't post the complete one because I don't happen to have a bible near
Besides, it's possible that you wouldn't believe me.
Don't let your children read that filth.

Gensis 19:30-38

Shai

[Corrected spelling]

[This message has been edited by Shai Hulud (edited January 10, 2001).]

Omnibenevolent god and existence of Hell?

Gen.2:17
"But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die."

-----And-------

Gen.3:6
"And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food ... she took of the fruit therof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat."
Gen.5:5
"And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died."

Adam lived a long time after eating of the forbidden fruit.

Here are 5 examples of internal contradictions within the New Testament. They're not necessarily the "best," whatever that means, but I get a kick out of them. For O.T. stuff, or conflicts between O. and New T., ask someone else.

Here we go...

5.)John 13:36 VS. John 16:5
First Simon Peter asks Jesus, "Where are you going?" On the next page, Jesus whines, "yet none of you asks me, 'Where am I going?'"

4.)John 10:27-29 AND Hebrews 6:4-6 VS. 1st Timothy 4:1
The authors of John and Hebrews say that no one, once saved, can be tempted to sin again. Not only does this contradict everyday experience (unless you ascribe to the "no TRUE Christian..." theory), it goes against 1 Tim. As Paul puts it, "The Spirit clearly says some will abandon the faith."

3.)Mark 10:46 VS. Matthew 20:29-30 VS. Luke 18:35
Mark has Jesus healing a blind man named Bartimeus as he's leaving Jericho on his way to Jerusalem. Matthew depicts the same scene, but there are TWO men. Luke plays it out with one man, but as Jesus & Co. are ENTERING Jericho. Maybe it's not an important detail -- so why did God inspire it to be in His "Good Book" then? Three times, even!

2.)Matthew 11:2-3 VS. John 1:29
In Matthew, John the Baptist is thrown into prison, then sends emissaries to ask if Jesus is the Christ. In Gospel O' John, J the B is pretty damn sure Jesus is the Christ well before he's in prison. (I also think it's funny that Jesus goes to the wedding in Cana shortly after meeting J the B - according to John - but in Mark, he immediately goes into the desert for 40 days. But the account is vague enough to wiggle around.)

and 1.)Matthew 1:16 VS. Luke 3:23
Maybe a little too obvious, but the simple question of Jesus' grandfather is always a good conversation starter (if you want to see smoke come out of a thumper's ears).

If it's TOO obvious, then here's a bonus:
Acts 1:18-19 VS. Matthew 27:5-8
Did Judas die by throwing himself headlong on a field he owned until his bowels gushed out? Or was he hanged on a tree, and buried in a field bought by someone else?

And there are more where that came from. My handy reference Bible has highlights on practically every page.

1. Virgin Birth VS "according to the flesh"

Mat 1:24,25 Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife:
And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS.


Rom 1:3 Concerning his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, which was made of the seed of David according to the flesh;

2. Account of finding jesus body missing

too much scripture to post

Commercial on TV "... locate your nearest GM dealer today.

Return to TV show. It's the "Late Show with David Letterman"

(audience applauding)

David Letterman: I have in my hand tonight top ten list.

(Little musical interlude)

DL: Tonight top ten list is the ten biggest biblical contradictions.

Number 10: God said to Adam and Eve "do not eat of the tree of knowledge or you on that day you will surely die." Apparently God didn't like Eve's vegetarian chili either.

Number 9: God can knock down the tower of Babel because he didn't what us to reach the heavens, but it is okay to reach the moon. That must of been some tower they built.

Number 8: Destroyed Sodom and Gomorra but still hasn't plunged California into the ocean.

Number 7: Said a second is like a hundred years to the Lord and a hundred years like a second. Before creating the universe, God must of been a postal worker.

Number 6: God says he loves us but allowed Governor Bush to become president.

Number 5: God says he is all-powerful, but still can't make a good-tasting diet cola.

Number 4: God says he's all-knowing, but apparently got lost in the universe and can't find his way back to earth. That's why we haven't heard from him in 2000 yrs.

Number 3: If we gained knowledge from Adam and Eve eating from the tree of knowledge then explain Chick tracts.

Number 2: God says hell is hot with fire and brimstone, but from living in Fargo, ND and I can definitively tell you hell is freezing with wind and snow.

And the number 1 biblical contradiction is: (drumroll in the background) If God is the source of all goodness than explain to me why Devil's Food cake is so good.

lucifer = "light-bringer"

Might not of been very good but it's about par with what Letterman does.

Hey, David, why would you want to avoid the obvious ones? That would be the best ones to hit an inerrant with, I would think. So, maybe you don't want any texts dealing with numbers, but these are the most convincing, since you're dealing more with absolutes here. Since the Bible often repeats much of the same story but in different texts, you've got a lot to compare. Nehemiah often repeats Ezra. Chronicles repeats much of Kings, and parts of Samuel. Deuteronomy repeats a good portion of Exodus. The Gospels follow in step. So you've got plenty to go with. I would concentrate on this comparison: Ezra 2: verses 1-70 compared to Nehemiah 7: verses 6-73. Although these two texts start out exactly the same, by the time you're done comparing, you’ll find over 50 discrepancies in names and numbers.

John

God saying that they would die after eating the fruit is not really a contradiction. They didnt die right away but they did eventually, which wouldnt have happened if they hadnt eaten the fruit.