Freethought & Rationalism Archive

HaysooChreesto! · 03-31-2003, 12:34 PM

Please. I'll sell you not one, not two, but THREE gods! The first god is the father, he's a little old, but he's still in great punishing shape. Our second god is god's son-he's a little thin, a little banged up, but those hands will heal and he's in great shape for forgiving you no matter what you do. Our third god is the Holy Spirit. While we're not real sure what this god is for, we gurantee that the other two just aren't the same without It; would you buy a car without power steering? Would you purchase a tv with no remote? Of course not! Then of course you see the value of our Holy Spirit!

Our gods are so good that we won't let you buy one without buying the other because we gurantee your satisfaction or your money back. And since we don't like giving money back we won't sell you one or two, but only three.
Now, for the low low price of only 10% of your income-that's gross you can have three very popular and attractive gods that fit together perfectly. You will be the envy of your neighbors and family members and you can pass these on to your children as keepsakes because our gods not only hold but they increase in value over the years!

But hurry, people are buying our "Trinity Package" like it's going out of style and they'll be gone soon.

Kassiana · 03-31-2003, 01:09 PM

I'm all out of God, Vishnu, Artemis, Odin, Thoth, Isis, Kuan Yin, Cerridwen, Legba, and Allah. Can't sell you any of them. I can let you have an angel or two, cheap...but you have to put up with some fairly rancid trumpet playing if you get Gabriel. I can sell you a fairy, but only if you will never get anywhere near it wearing/carrying/smelling like iron and never, ever praise Branford Marsalis in its presence. Oh, and I have an imp. He's not a very good imp. He kept pranking Satan till the Prince of Darkness threw him out.

Beetle · 03-31-2003, 02:39 PM

Hi, Kassiana. Are you selling angels, or bootleg copies of "The Horn Blows at Midnight" (starring Jack Benny!)

Mike Rosoft · 04-01-2003, 12:41 AM

I have a merciful God for sale. According to his own book, he "struck Egypt in their firstborn, for his mercy endures forever." Is there anybody who would reject such a generous offer?

Mike Rosoft

P.S.: See Detox's Used Deity Advertisements.

03-31-2003, 01:09 PM	#12
Kassiana Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: USA Posts: 5,046	Dag nab it. I'm all out of God, Vishnu, Artemis, Odin, Thoth, Isis, Kuan Yin, Cerridwen, Legba, and Allah. Can't sell you any of them. I can let you have an angel or two, cheap...but you have to put up with some fairly rancid trumpet playing if you get Gabriel. I can sell you a fairy, but only if you will never get anywhere near it wearing/carrying/smelling like iron and never, ever praise Branford Marsalis in its presence. Oh, and I have an imp. He's not a very good imp. He kept pranking Satan till the Prince of Darkness threw him out.

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03-31-2003, 12:34 PM	#11
HaysooChreesto! Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: SoCal USA Posts: 7,737	Please. I'll sell you not one, not two, but THREE gods! The first god is the father, he's a little old, but he's still in great punishing shape. Our second god is god's son-he's a little thin, a little banged up, but those hands will heal and he's in great shape for forgiving you no matter what you do. Our third god is the Holy Spirit. While we're not real sure what this god is for, we gurantee that the other two just aren't the same without It; would you buy a car without power steering? Would you purchase a tv with no remote? Of course not! Then of course you see the value of our Holy Spirit! Our gods are so good that we won't let you buy one without buying the other because we gurantee your satisfaction or your money back. And since we don't like giving money back we won't sell you one or two, but only three. Now, for the low low price of only 10% of your income-that's gross you can have three very popular and attractive gods that fit together perfectly. You will be the envy of your neighbors and family members and you can pass these on to your children as keepsakes because our gods not only hold but they increase in value over the years! But hurry, people are buying our "Trinity Package" like it's going out of style and they'll be gone soon.

03-31-2003, 02:39 PM	#13
Beetle Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Massachusetts State Home for the Bewildered Posts: 961	Hi, Kassiana. Are you selling angels, or bootleg copies of "The Horn Blows at Midnight" (starring Jack Benny!)

04-01-2003, 12:41 AM	#14
Mike Rosoft Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Prague, Czech Republic Posts: 965	I have a merciful God for sale. According to his own book, he "struck Egypt in their firstborn, for his mercy endures forever." Is there anybody who would reject such a generous offer? Mike Rosoft P.S.: See Detox's Used Deity Advertisements.

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