Queen of Swords

This is something that's concerned me for a while. I have a friend who recently had a baby. She had to go back to work very shortly after the birth - no paid maternity leave - and so she wanted to put the newborn in day care.

Now I'm sure that my friend is conscientious enough to choose a good day care center, but I still kept wondering.

1. Do you think there's some cut-off age below which it's no longer OK to put a child in day care?

2. Would placing a newborn infant in day care interfere with parental bonding?

My friend's (unemployed) husband isn't really parent material - he doesn't even like looking after their cat - and since this was their first child, she decided it would be good if professionals (read : the day care center people) were helping them to take care of the baby.

3. Would a more responsible decision have been to learn to take care of the baby yourself, rather than turning her over to the day care center?

I think my friend is doing the best she can in a not-ideal situation, but sometimes I wonder about whether this is good for the baby. My friend is at work from eight to five. That seems to me like a long time to be apart from your newborn infant. Then again, I've never had to deal with the responsibility of a baby. What do you all think?

One last thing. I'd like this thread to be about the questions I've asked, rather than whether or not it's good for women to stay at home and raise kids. Thanks.

fatherphil

yes, yes, & yes.

Queen of Swords

So what's the cut-off age you suggest, and what's your rationale for suggesting it?

brighid

I am not sure I understand this question. Do you mean can a child be too young to be in day care?

It is possible, but at the same time it also socializes a child to other adults and infants/children. This is a great asset when new parents decide they might actually need an evening out. The child is less likely to freak out if mommy and/or daddy aren't taking care of them. One of my nieces is like this and it causes many problems for her parents.

My son has had to be in day care since he was three months old. I can't say that it caused any problems with our bonding.


Yikes!! I think it's rather sad that she decided it would be better to leave her child in the care of professionals, rather then her husband. The cost of day care can be quiet high and it would benefit them if he took a parenting/child care class to learn to care for their infant ... and not just from an economical standpoint but for everyone's benefit.

That depends. In general I would say (given this situation) that it would be more responsible for the father to take on the responsibility for caring for his child if he is unable to gain employment. Men are more then capable of nurturing and caring for their children. Some will need a little help and guidance (but so did I as a new mother.) However, if the wife is worried about the quality of care (and perhaps the safety of the child) and the husband cannot provide it I would think the responsible thing to do would be to turn her child over to professionals. Less harm will come to the child, especially if one of the parents isn't interested in being involved in the parenting process.

Children at this age (and for a number of years) do not have any concept of time. It is a long time to be away from a child, but if the child is well cared for and feels secure I do not feel much harm will come due to this separation.

Brighid

wildernesse

I think that a newborn baby should not be put in day care and be away from its mother for extended periods of time, and that it could affect whether the child bonded with its mother.

But. . .

Is it more responsible to stay home and raise your child, and not be able to pay your bills *or* work and leave your child with a caretaker who is equipped to basically care for the child/caretaker who does not want to take care of child? I'm going to go with--pay bills and pick best caretaker, which in this case might be a day care center.

I think there are other reasons other than day-to-day financial reasons to return to work shortly after a child is born. My mother returned to work after I was like* 6 weeks old, because she felt that to take extended leave would negatively impact her chance of advancement. She felt that male administrators would not take her seriously in the future when she wanted to apply to a higher position.

I (and my brother later) stayed with my grandparents while my parents were at work until I was old enough to go to school.


--tibac

*edited to change to like--I'm not sure 6 weeks, but that's what I remember her saying, in any event it was an insanely short time

Ab_Normal

My daughter was in day care from 6 months to 3 years of age. I don't think we ever would have figured out potty training without the help of her day care provider.

I think your friend is doing the best she can in her situation, especially if her husband isn't up to caring for a newborn.

Jennie

Is it ideal to put a newborn in daycare, no. But you play the hand you're dealt, and children are enormously resiliant. I think your friend is doing her best.

I wish it were more possible to take infants to work with you, as it would increase the ease of breastfeeding and I think breastfeeding is very important. Toddlers need a lot of oversight and can be very distracting, but an infant in a front pack would not be very detrimental to most jobs. Though I think you shouldn't be deep-frying or other dangerous things!

HelenM

I think babies need to be touched and held and lovingly talked to and played with. If the parents can find a daycare provider who does that, I think their baby will do very well. The baby will naturally bond with adults according to time spent with them; the parents will have to accept this.

It seems quite possible to me that some babies are better off with daycare providers than with their biological parents. It all depends who will look after the baby best. Dads can be great at looking after babies; it's a shame, QofS, that your friend's husband is not willing to learn to look after their baby, since that would save them money and he might even grow to like doing so.

Helen

yguy

I remember the first time my mom left me at a daycare center, probably around age 4. It was as if God had forsaken me.

HelenM

Having a difficult first day doesn't necessarily mean the whole experience of daycare was difficult for you. Was it? Or did she only leave you there the one day?

Helen